My boyfriend likes to give out his number to guys on myspace... and the guys he gives them out to are the type of guys he loves... latinos/tattooed/pelons... he says he's doing this to make new friends... thats a ****ty as excuse he told me I can't control him or tell him what to do... if your dating/engaged to someone you have a right to say what isn't right and if they get mad and cause a big scene from it... must mean they are guilty of something? He tells me to grow up and stop acting like a 14yr old he's a 39 yr old man and is telling me to grow up? He needs to control his ego from needing every guy to want him... is this considered cheating to give out your number to a lot of guys on myspace?

I don't think it's cheating to give out your number. I think you have trust issue. What if he own a business and he get a lot of phone calls from clients?

If you don't like his behavior, then leave, because a person who put themselves out there for friends, when it upsets the partner they are with, has something other than friends in mind.

If he respected you more, he wouldn't do something that he knows upsets you so much.

It should be no big deal to him to stop since these are just guys he doesn't even really know.

Sounds like it is an ego boost for him to get their attention. That may be all it is, and nothing more, but again when you are in a relationship, a partner's feelings have to take precedence over something that has lesser importance. You aren't asking him to make a major concession for you.

Talk some more about it; try not to come off as accusing him of anything, but explain why you have concerns and feelings of discomfort. Maybe he can reassure you.

If he continues to downplay your feelings, or belittle your concerns, turning it back on you, that will tell you much.

He is right-you can't control him or tell him what to do. You can control your own actions and what you choose to do.

Anything relating to the relationship should be the two of you sitting down and setting rules and boundaries together. If one person sets all the rules and boundaries then it isn't a partnership. Do you want to be his partner or his parent?

How did you meet him? I have found, when people get this upset about something they should be able to discuss with their partner, it is because the behavior seems to mirror how the relationship started. Are you worried that he is continuing a pattern?

If you don't trust him and the two of you can't work together instead of fighting, perhaps the relationship isn't for you.

All right, I think it is not "cheating" per-say but it is really rude and disrespectful to continue to knowingly upset you by what I would call flirting. I think that you need to sit him down and tell him that you have something that is really important to you. Proceed to tell him your views and feelings on the subject and if he does not agree to stop, you need to weigh the pros and cons of your relationship. In my opinion, if he does not agree to discontinue his behaviors, you should dump him because he is basically telling you that you are less important to him than random people on the internet. I hope everything works out for the best! Good Luck!

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Originally Posted by icalltheshot

I don't think it's cheating to give out your number. I think you have trust issue. What if he own a business and he get a lot of phone calls from clients?

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We're a gay couple... HE DOESN'T HAVE A BUSINESS... HE ONLY GIVES HIS NUMBER OUT TO CERTAIN GUYS THAT ARE HIS TYPE THAT TURNS HIM ON... IF HE WANTS TO MAKE FRIENDS Y ONLY GIVE IT TO THIS CERTAIN TYPE... when your in a relationship its US not just me and you... when you do a lot for your partner and they get mad because you know he has met guys before on myspace and had sex with them then yea I would be upset for him doing this... for him to choose giving out his number and giving me the option to grow up and deal with it or leave just shows he doesn't have any respect for me or love... I had to find this out from him drinking over 8 first told me he was doing this then when I was still upset said " r u mad i gave some guy my number 3 days ago" shows he's never going to change... we're been together on and off for 5 yrs he finally gave me a ring for my birthday, but his behavior shows he will never change... why get so upset and mad about having to stop giving your number out to total strangers online... for the person you love... why are guys so cruel and manipulative and turn it around on you... he even had bookmarks for ads on craigslist with posting for guys looking for sex... his excuse to look for friends its not for sex... I know I'm a fool for falling for this BS...

I know its not cheating but its still about respect and what a relationship is all about... I know married men/ppl in relationships don't give out there number to a certain type of guy that turns them on for friends... its more then that... and for them to get mad and tell you that they will continue to do it showed me that he doesn't have any respect or love for me... putting me down telling me to stop acting like a 14 yr old when he's a 39 yr old gay man and to either grow up and deal with it or I shouldn't be with him... I MADE MY CHOICE AND DECIDED TO LEAVE... my heart is broken and I'm hurt because I put up with a lot and do a lot for him... to have them treat you like this is so cruel... to everyone that listened and replied thanks...

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Originally Posted by lilangel5

i know its not cheating but its still about respect and what a relationship is all about...i know married men/ppl in relationships dont give out there number to a certain type of guy that turns them on for friends...its more then that...and for them to get mad and tell you that they will continue to do it showed me that he doesn't have any respect or love for me....putting me down telling me to stop acting like a 14 yr old when hes a 39 yr old gay man and to either grow up and deal with it or i shouldn't be with him....I MADE MY CHOICE AND DECIDED TO LEAVE...my heart is broken n im hurt because i put up with a lot and do a lot for him.....to have them treat u like this is so cruel.....to everyone that listened and replied thanks......

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Sorry, I didn't know that you're gay. I take it back then. If you talk to him about it and he doesn't listen and respect you as a partner then it's time to leave.

Please do not use chat speak. It is against site rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...#faq_faq_rules

Lilangel, respect and trust are very important in any relationship. So is communication. Once you filled in a few blanks, it became clearer that this is a pattern of behavior in your relationship and probably before.

Each time you took each other back without working through the issues that broke you up, you accepted the behavior that the other person was showing. It reinforced the concept that he could do what he wanted and you would still be there.

Lessons to take forward:
-Heal before getting into another relationship.
-DO NOT get into another relationship until you have dealt with the baggage from the last one. That includes getting back with the person you just broke up with.
-You cannot tell another person what to do or feel, however, you can tell yourself what to do.
-You CAN explain to your partner what upsets you and what you need in the relationship. You should listen to what he needs and what upsets him, too. Rules and boundaries should be set by both people-compromise.
-If you can't communicate with your partner, the trust is damaged and there is very little respect if any left, it is time to let go. Heal and move on.

The stickies at the top of the Relationship Board (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/) have a lot valuable tips for getting through a break up and coming out stronger.

Good luck in the future.

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Originally Posted by lilangel5

i know its not cheating but its still about respect and what a relationship is all about...i know married men/ppl in relationships dont give out there number to a certain type of guy that turns them on for friends...its more then that...and for them to get mad and tell you that they will continue to do it showed me that he doesn't have any respect or love for me....putting me down telling me to stop acting like a 14 yr old when hes a 39 yr old gay man and to either grow up and deal with it or i shouldn't be with him....I MADE MY CHOICE AND DECIDED TO LEAVE...my heart is broken n im hurt because i put up with a lot and do a lot for him.....to have them treat u like this is so cruel.....to everyone that listened and replied thanks......

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So sorry that you have had to go through this. It is very painful when someone you love just doesn't see faithfulness and commitment the same as you do. Though it may not seem like it now, things will get better. As was said, take time for yourself for awhile and when the time is right, you will be able to find someone who will treat you how you want to be treated.

Thanks everyone for giving your advice, he will never change, and it seems he will do what he always does when we break up fool around with every guy online and the guys he gave his number to on myspace... he will never find a guy that is going to put up with him and his behavior... it takes a lot of time to heal and move on, but I will start by going out and being with friends n family... its hard to get over the one you love the time you spent together and waking up to them in the mornings...

Once you get your stuff out and the mutual stuff take care of use No Contact to give yourself time and space to heal. If you have a FaceBook/MySpace account, make sure you de-friend him. Don't cause yourself more confusion by trying to keep up with what he is doing.

As much as you can let the anger and hurt go, it isn't about him. It is about you hurting yourself by dwelling on the negative emotions. Focus on the positives in your life like friends and family and the things that help you feel good about yourself.

Take care of yourself.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Once you get your stuff out and the mutual stuff take care of use No Contact to give yourself time and space to heal. If you have a FaceBook/MySpace account, make sure you de-friend him. Don't cause yourself more confusion by trying to keep up with what he is doing.

As much as you can let the anger and hurt go, it isn't about him. It is about you hurting yourself by dwelling on the negative emotions. Focus on the positives in your life like friends and family and the things that help you feel good about yourself.

Take care of yourself.

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He's already started with the myspace... he left a little quote saying he's got a man-date with his bromance... I even had to deal with his friend(he calls him his little bro) who he has sexual tension for and he claims his friend is str8 but why would he be jealous of me being my man unless he had feelings for him to... the truth comes out when I'm gone but karma will get him for the hurt/lies he told me...

Chat speak is against site rules and can result in your post being deleted and/or the thread being closed. I really don't want to see that happen. :)

Like I said, de-friend and don't communicate with him about anything other than taking care of business. His drama and games are not your problem any longer.

Don't hurt yourself by thinking about what he is doing.

Read the stickies and take care of yourself.