Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

I'm 18 and trying to get through my first break up. I was with my boyfriend for a year and basically moved in with him and we spent everyday together. I told him some stupid lie that broke us up completely even though we were on a break when I lied to him. I feel so guilty and it's all my fault that we broke up. Were still talking and he rings almost everyday telling me he still loves me but doesn't think we are right together at the present time. I love him so much and I'm finding it so hard to let go. I'm so petrified of him finding someone else or even just getting with a girl on a one night thing. I cry about it all the time and its really getting me down. I think I would hate him if he did anything with another girl because it would hurt me so much. We want to get back together in the future but how am I supposed to accept him getting with anyone else? It wouldn't even be wrong because were not together anymore but I don't want him to be telling me he loves me one minute then being with some other girl the next. This is really killing me and it hasn't even happened yet! I seriously don't think I'll cope when it happens and definitely won't want to know him anymore. Im so scared of losing him completely because I'm being so selfish and don't want him to be with anyone else. Please help. How can I change my way of thinking and learn to accept he might find someone new?

Yeah I'm going through the same thing kind of, if he tells you he wants to be with you in the future not now just forget about him, he obviously just wants you on his leesh he doesn't want to be with you he just wants you to know you'll just be there so he can come back to you whenever he wants to and that isn't right... which means he probably is seeing other people and what else is out there and that's what you should do, your young still I'm the same age you should just go have fun and meet other people for now. You shouldn't cry.. and you should try ignoring him for about a week or two maybe he will come crawling back to you and it should be your decision to be with him not his.

By moving on... 1st you need to let him go and if he comes back then you got him... honey you are so young and if he wanted to be with you he would... I think you need to tell him how you feel and let him know that when he makes up his mind you won't be there waiting on him. Go out with friends meet someone new... and stop waiting around for someone who isen't waiting around for you!!

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Originally Posted by desdestiny413

by moving on.... 1st u need to let him go and if he comes back then u got him... honey u are so young and if he wanted 2 be with u he would... i think u need to tell him how u feel and let him know that when he makes up his mind u wont be there waiting on him. go out with friends meet someone new... and stop waiting around for someone who isen't waiting around 4 u !!!

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No chat or text speak. Please read the rules

Your first step is to stop contact with him, and doing other things. You will never move on and accept that things have changed as long as you are still talking to him and thinking it will work out.

You just keep old hurts alive, and fresh, and what you need is time, and to get busy healing, and rebuilding a life without him.

Read the stickies and learn how to go NO CONTACT from him.

You are either broken up completely, separated, still together, or just on a break.

Nowhere do I read that the relationship is over.

Which is it.

Your question is, "Relationship break up." So, I'll presume that the relationship has in fact, broken up.

One of the reasons you are having such a difficult time of this is that, your ex has indicated that at some point in the future, it may be possible to get back together again. He also says he still loves you, texts you every day, but isn't ready 'at the present time' to take the leap to resuming the relationship.

He too, cannot seem to let go.

If you set some expectations for yourself, and stick to them, this will be a lot easier.

If you want him back in your life again- tell him. Also tell him you are not willing to wait until 'some time' happens, or when and if he decides 'at some point in the future' that he will come back. He stops with the games, and either makes a commitment, or he leaves you alone.

If you don't want him back in your life, take charge! Tell him you no longer wish to communicate with him in any way, and to stop texting, calling, etc. Block his number, and take him off any direct electronic forms of communication such as IM/Facebook, etc.

You cannot have an 'end', only sometimes, or maybe, or let's wait and see what happens.

Because you are still in a relationship with him of sorts, no wonder you are torturing yourself with thoughts of him being with another woman. It is the fact that he is sort of in, but sort of out, that causes the confusion. If you were settled with the fact that the relationship was over, and you did not contact him, or him you, you will eventually build enough time up that it won't bother you. But, the way things are now, it must feel like he'd be cheating if he were to go with someone else, because, quite simply, he has not let you go, and you have not let him go.

You can't plan a future based on no substance. You can't have a relationship and have total freedom at the same time to date or see other people and have other relationships.

I'ts over, or it isn't over. Can't go on like this in my opinion, somebody has to take the initative and demand some answers, and come to a conclusion.

Thank you all :)
Just to clarify we are actually over but trying to remain friends. I know I need to cut off contact but it is just so hard. He isn't seeing anyone else at the moment and says that he doesn't want anyone else because he still loves me but feels like he can't be with me now and just wants a bit of freedom. He was a little controlling and I'm at the stage when I want to go out up town with my friends and he used to think that every guy would come on to me. He says he wants me to go out and enjoy myself without him holding me back or getting the arse. He really is a nice guy but just maybe not the one for me :( Why can't relationships be simple? Maybe I can't be his friend... I'll take all your guys advice. Talk to him about the way I feel, If he don't want me back then don't talk to him and move on. If we were meant to be then I'm sure we will bump into each other at some point. I'm sick of waiting around waiting for him to tell me he wants me back, I shouldn't have let myself be strung along. Sorry I'm kind of ranting on.
Thanks again :) xx

Threads merged

Ok, so me and my boyfriend broke up over a month ago. While I was with him he was very over protective and hated it when I talked to other guys. He said that he trusted me he just didn't trust the guys. Now I'm not with him I still feel like I can't talk to other guys, I feel aqward and on edge when I'm around them. I'm still talking to my ex and we do want to get back together eventually but I don't know if he will ever change. Is it wrong for him to not want me to talk to other guys? I don't mind that much but if I do talk to guy I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Can you go through a relationship without talking to other guys?

Yes, it is wrong for him to not allow you to talk to other guys. He is not over protective, he is possessive, immature and insecure. He wants to completely control you. If you can't be yourself around your boyfriend, then your relationship has no chance of working. He doesn't really trust you. Keeping you on a tight leash is fine for a dog, but not for a girlfriend. He probably won't change, but I wouldn't even consider getting back with him unless he does.

Your feeling unsure of your communications skills because you haven't used them for awhile. Don't worry Im sure those skills will come back with some practice. Do you really want to go back to that type of relationship were you are given permission to do something. Remember a relationship is give and take not a dictatorship!! Good luck

Keep trying to talk to guys. It'll come back.

What I would advise you to do is not go back to a control freak.
It doesn't get better.
It usually progresses to abuse, physical and/or emotional.

Let him stay gone and find someone who appreciates you for who you are, not who they want you to be.

I wish you well.

You've been under his possession, immature hold and experienced his insecurities. As a result, you haven't been able to interact with other guys. So you started feeling like it's normal to not be able to communicate with other guys.

Here's the key, you can't tell how other people are unless you spend some time to get to know them. Sometimes you may encounter very nice people, who might have made a weird impression at first. Sometimes, you might meet someone who makes a wonderful impression, but turns out to be a jerk. There's no way to know unless you spend the time to get to know the person.

You have to give yourself a chance to interact with someone else. You have to be a little patient to get to know someone. And you have to be willing to take some risks, because there's no way to know if someone is nice until you've spent more time with them.

With experience, you will see things differently than you do now.

From my experience and from what you've told us, it sounds like if you went back with your ex, you're just going backwards in your life. You will probably sink even deeper into your comfort zone and be even more resistant to meeting new people.

Now that you're single, you have an opportunity to meet new people without any strings attached. So go out, meet new people and enjoy the process. Go have some fun, don't go backwards in life.

This information makes a whole different story.

You were already broke up (on a break) and you lied to him.
Broken trust comes at a high price and may not be "fixable".

In the other post you said he is controlling in that he doesn't want you to talk to other guys.
He trusts you but not them.
He need not trust "them" if he really trusts you.

Was this anything to do with the lie you told him?

A relationship needs to be based on mutual trust, honesty, and respect.
To me it looks like three strikes for both of you.

You are 18. You still have much to learn about love and relationships. And in this school pain usually the price and the teacher. As much as it will hurt , move on.

Learn from the mistakes you both made here and make the next one better.

You need to move and let go. I see no future with this guy. The good thing is even though you feel as if the end of the world has come, it hasn't. You'll see.

You need more than a month to be comfortable with yourself is all. Give yourself that chance, and don't expect for things to be smooth for you right off the bat. As time goes on, it gets better if your leaving the ex alone, and exploring the world, and yourself, without him.

Practice makes perfect, in time.

I think a big part of your problem is that you still wanted to get back with your ex as recently as a week ago, and you are still trying to play by his rules. You’ve been broken up for a month, but for 3 of those weeks there was a lot of contact and the hope of getting back together. He may have been a nice guy at times, but he is also immature and controlling.

If I can play big sister for a minute, I would recommend that you concentrate on preparing yourself for the rest of your life and not worry so much about guys right now. I’m thinking you have either just graduated or are a senior in high school. Do you know what you are going to do next? Do you have college plans or plans to get some career training? I know this goes beyond the scope of what you asked, but if you are working toward being able to support yourself doing something you enjoy, you will find that you become a lot more confident and you won’t accept being treated with anything less than respect.

When it comes to guys, take your time. You don’t need another relationship now. You need to be working toward something (school, for example), to be having fun, to relax, and to be thinking about what you want in life. As you heal, it will become easier to talk to guys.

Threads merged again

Me and my boyfriend broke up about a month and a half ago after a year together. I really thought he was the 'one' and we loved each other to bits. We split because we knew that we never could have worked out now so that leaves the future open to us getting back together. He still calls everyday telling me he loves me but now I'm starting to realise that I'm being strung along and that I have to put no contact into motion. It's going to kill me but if that's the way forward then fair dos. I'm just so scared that I'm going to be upset for a long long time. He's my 1st love and I've been told that's the hardest one to get over. How long does it take for you to get over your 1st? And any advice on how to make myself feel a little more positive and finally let go? Thanks.

You let go when you force yourself to let go. No contact! This isn't over until you treat it like it is over. Ignore his attempts at contact and put things in your life that creative a positive atmosphere that helps you grow as a person and allows you to have FUN! There is no time limit, only a beginning point where you determine, on your own, you will get through this and you are tired of being broken. New hobbies, friends and family and social events are all great ways to start fresh and keep your mind off the break up. There was a quote a member on here had about focusing on the past. It went something like this: "The windshield is much bigger than the rearview mirror, so focus on what you have coming, not on what you once had."

girl I'm 16 and I split up with my first love x
if you read my posts about him you will know your not the only one xx
today my ex said he wants me back saying he's changed but I've just managed to move on and I can onestly say I'm strong enuff to tell him where togo xx

Who said you could never have worked, until you try?
You still love him so go get him, why run away?
Why do people run away from things that have not been explored, only you know how you really feel
If you feel it will never work fair enough, leave him be. He will move on one day
Good luck