I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years, for the last 17months I have lived in my own apartment,sort of a trial separation. I never stopped making love to him and never attempted to meet other men. The reason for the separation was my boyfriend has at least 30 people over everyday visiting, I couldn't handle it anymore I am more the family type. He just renovated the house and informed me we can't live together because he will loose his drug benefits. I know this is bull its all about commonlaw and me taking half his house which I would never do!. Bottom line I love him but he has changed and I am not included in his life. I need to let go and I can't how do you stop loving someone that no longer has any passion towards you. I have to move from my apt soon and he doesn't really care.I know he loves me but he never has time for me. Every time I start to let go he comes by with gifts or he becomes cuddly just what I ache for.I know it is time to move on but I can't I feel so depressed without him what can I do to move on with my life I am 44 years old he is 48 he has money I have none,He says we will still date just not live together that's not what I want, I want a family unit and that is never going to happen here I have been brokenhearted for 17 months please any advice??

Kim

Sorry you are wasting your time pining away for a guy who makes you an option and booty call when he feels like it.

1-read the stickies
2- stop all contact with him and stop be available for flowers gifts and assorted BS from him
3-Get a life that you enjoy so you have something to look forward to and don't need his attention when he has time.
4-See a doctor for a check up and tell him you have a problem being motivated
5-Learn to love yourself as much as you love him
6-Stop settling for excuses and BS from a guy that uses you when he feels like it
7-Make your happiness your focus and priority.
8-Tell him to leave you alone or you will make him eat his flowers and gifts

If you cannot do these things for yourself, then hopefully #10 will help.

10-Tell him to pay you cash, and kick in dental, and vision as a benefit for services rendered.

Not trying to be rude or funny, but only you can end this stupid dumb crap you keep allowing. Get busy, because you already have 9 years of service with not a darn thing to show for it! Get my message?

There is no easy way to end this. You just have to do it. Suffer through pain and withdrawals, battle second guessing yourself, guilt and missing him, and just press on. Baby steps, one terrible day at a time.

You know all the answers. Please remove yourself from this impossible situation, and promise yourself to never again get involved with a man who treats you less than you deserve. Remember, you are important. You're worth more that that, and you know it.

Sure he’d like to continue to date you, but you’ve already invested way too many years in this relationship to allow it to return to the “dating game”. Just dating would be great for him - he’d continue with free sex and have no commitment at all. He could have his friends and women over whenever he wanted and call you up for a “booty call” whenever he was in a dry spell.

Please don’t allow him to use you. I’m sure it’s going to be tough, but you have to break it off with him. You’re never going to get the family unit you want and need and after 9 years, he’s not going to change. You deserve better!

Do yourself a favor and go complete no contact.

Hi well I am sorry to hear what you are going through its sad but maybe its better that you don't live together and maybe you should go out and try to meet someone else I no its not easy when your in love with someone but pray it always helps cause that's what I did and it really helped I still miss him but you have to tell yourself you can do this and god with help you push through it might take a while but in time you will get over him

Been where your at. I miss him, but I wasn't willing to play house at my age for the rest of my life. Its been hard, but gets easier every day. I don't have a lot of money, but am hard worker, and do what it takes to support myself and my son. Follow the advice of others NO CONTACT get on with your life. It will be one hardest thing for you to do, but it CAN be done. You deserve more then what he is trying to make you.

You have allowed him to be in a controlling position. He has money and you don't. So you are so dependent on him you will take all the crap he can dish out. He can do what he wants with you, and you will be such a subservient girlfriend. Time for you to develop a little independence. A dash of self respect. And a pinch of dignity.. And this all adds up to you putting your undying love in storage, and saving it for a man who deserves it.