Molested by older brother,how to tell mother.
My older brother molested me numerous times when I was about 4 or 5 years old. First he would make me do thing I had no idea I was doing. =( he would make me tough things and I had no idea it was bad. Until he told not to tell any one. Now I'm 12 and this is still happening he doesn't make me touch anything but I would be sleeping and he would come in to my room at night, or if I was sleeping in the living room he would lift the covers, and touch me or rub himself on me. I was so scared I would just lay there and pretend I was asleep. I never though he was that kind of guy. But it got to the point where I would hide a knife under my pillow and tell myself the next time it happens I would kill him. Of course, I was too scared to do that, too. But instead of killing my brother I grabbed my knife and started cutting myself instead. For months I cut myself trying to get rid of the memories and the pain. But I know that cutting my myself won't help anything. So I stopped. But I still don't know how to tell my mom. All my friend think he is so hot and such a great person but they don't know what kind of person he really is. I try not to talk about him. I stay in my room all day, and never come out. I try to cover up my body but he still stars at me and I just need it to stop. I have though about killing myself so many time thinking it would be better. I have though about cutting myself again but my friend said no.. it doesn't help anything. I have only come to tell one person, but only cause we told each other are deepest secrets. She has helped me a lot but I wish she would tell someone so it can come back to my mom. I have tried tell my older sisters. I can tell them anything but I can't bring myself to tell her this. I almost told her once and said to myself no. I cant. I can't even tell my mom but I can tell my best friend. But she moved so she can't tell anyone.=( I just really really need help telling my mom I have been keeping this to myself for so long. And now I don't talk to anyone. I need help.. please please help me..