Ask Me Help Desk - Why is it that guys never seem interested or approach me?

I'm 19, a college student, and have many oddball tendencies. I'm average size, brunette with dark features, I have my pretty days and I have my straight-up-ugly days. I like the outdoors, have an eclectic taste in music, and I'm generally a pretty quiet person (I consider myself somewhat of an interesting person). I've had some experiences with guys back in high school but now that I've finished my second year of college I have yet to start dating. Granted, I've spent most of my college life studying and hanging out with the usual friends, I haven't gone out to bars or clubs and rarely music festivals even though I'm really into music... just seems like I never have the time and I'm always stressed out.

Most of my friends are girls (all dating or in relationships) and I don't get the opportunity to talk to guys all that often, when I do I get nervous, shy, and embarrassed. Guys don't seem interested in me, they don't approach me like other girls my age. Anyway, I look around at most other girls (or women I should start calling them) and they're all in relationships or dating, I feel left out and weird - like I'm worthless and experiences are passing me by. I guess the importance today's society has put on romantic relationships also pushes me to feel this way.

Will they ever be interested? How do I get them interested in me? I'm tired of worrying about this!

Quote:

Originally Posted by portishead

..just seems like I never have the time and I'm always stressed.

If you never have time, how will you have time to meet people? It sounds like you're quite busy. Maybe you should take some time to have fun and go to music festivals. You won't meet anyone if you don't put yourself out there.

Don't feel pressured to be in a relationship. If you are stressed and busy, then seeing someone is only going to add more on to your plate. It's also unfair to the other person if you can't make time for them.

Once you feel as if you can make the time for another person, then I would say you are ready.

To meet someone, you need to make the effort, in a variety of different ways.

As a guy, I myself have never been good at meeting people. I dread the idea.

But I found that the best place to meet someone is at school (I met my longtime ex-girlfriend at school). The people in your classes instantly share a common trait with you: You are taking the same course! Use that initial connection as a starting point. And the great thing about meeting someone in your class is that you can start small, and since you know you are going to see this person again next class, you can build on the initial relationship each day.

Other than that, I believe you need to make yourself seem approachable and easy to talk to. You can do this by carrying a positive attitude and showing that off to everyone around you.

A good healthy social life can help you meet people, and enjoy activities. But if you are to busy, or afraid then that will never work.

EXTREME HARSHNESS WARNING

Quote:

Originally Posted by portishead

Granted, I've spent most of my college life studying and hanging out with the usual friends, I haven't gone out to bars or clubs and rarely music festivals even though I'm really into music...

Those are not the only places to meet new people. What about joining school clubs? Volunteering? House parties?

Quote:

Originally Posted by portishead

just seems like I never have the time and I'm always stressed out.

If that's how you feel, you won't be very fun to hang around anyway. Sounds like you have a hard time having fun.

Quote:

Originally Posted by portishead

Most of my friends are girls (all dating or in relationships) and I don't get the opportunity to talk to guys all that often, when I do I get nervous, shy, and embarrassed.

Just because everyone else does, doesn't mean you do. I see this as a self-esteem problem. If you're secure about yourself, then it doesn't matter what others around you do or don't do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by portishead

Guys don't seem interested in me, they don't approach me like other girls my age.

Before your worry about other guys, why don't you look in the mirror first. The problem I see with you is that you're not even happy with yourself. If you can't find happiness from within, how can you find happiness from without?

You don't even know what you want from yourself, how are guys suppose to know what makes you happy? What's a guy to do?

My advice is for you to figure out what you want first before going out to get it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by portishead

Anyway, I look around at most other girls (or women I should start calling them) and they're all in relationships or dating, I feel left out and weird - like I'm worthless and experiences are passing me by. I guess the importance today's society has put on romantic relationships also pushes me to feel this way. Will they ever be interested? How do I get them interested in me? I'm tired of worrying about this!

If you're tired of worrying about this, then STOP!

Why are you allowing social norms to affect you? Again, this is a security issue. There's nothing wrong with going against the flow.

However, if you really want to get into a relationship, then I suggest you look at your priorities first. It's obvious that you put your education above all else and rightfully so. Since education is the most important thing to you, then why not get through it first before you start dating?

Furthermore, if you believe that your career is even more important, then your future significant other will always feel second rate. So even if you were in a relationship, it doesn't sound like it's going to be healthy.

Maybe you should look in the mirror again. Maybe romantic relationships aren't for you and there's nothing wrong with that. Why force yourself to do something that you aren't comfortable with?

Clough has a great thread talking about this issue: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ou-452857.html