My girlfriend needs time to think... but it's complicated. Do you think it's over?
Okay, I've been browsing similar questions and reading the answers and I just think I should explain my situation since it's a bit different and may yield different answers.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 year. We've had our ups and downs like most relationships and this was also our first real relationship. When we first starting hanging out during our senior year of high school I REALLY liked her and knew immediately I wanted her to be mine. I was never into the idea of dating because I knew what I wanted and didn't like the idea of getting my heart broken every time something didn't work out. So I met my girlfriend and she turned out to be exactly what I was looking for. Very down-to-earth, liked spending time reading, going for walks, or just relaxing, knew how to have fun, was extremely loving and supportive, a love for natural, travel, music, films, and good television. She's also a vegetarian like me, which happened a year and a half down the line.
But the road to being with her wasn't easy. When I first met her, I knew I wanted her but I was also scared to fall for her for fear of being rejected. For the first few weeks I found myself ignoring her out of fear, being insecure when she talked to other guys and not explaining myself when I would talk to her. I thought for sure that she would eventually get tired of all the BS and move on, but she never did. I've done this before and she was the first girl to really stick with it. She really wanted to be with me, I suppose and I when I finally snapped out of all the nonsense we were together. She was the first girl I was truly comfortable being with. I would hold her hand, hug her, and kiss her in public. It was beautiful. She was beautiful and it was really something special. I told her I loved her a few months after we started talking and I never regretted it.
Fast forward to the end of senior year. We decided we were going to travel together before college so we were looking for work to save up money. But in August of '08 I decided I needed space because I felt she was becoming too much too handle and so I left and told her I would come back. Those two weeks, she was IMing and texting me almost every day asking when I'd have an answer for her on the status of our relationship. Finally she told me she was on her way to my house whether I wanted her there because the uncertainty was killing her. So she came over, we talked, made up, promised to work harder and we were good until... last week.
Our relationship was full of ups and downs... but the downs were ALWAYS the same. Communication errors. She has always had a tough time opening up to me because admittedly she can be a little weird, not to me, but other people would think so. And she's nervous about what I think sometimes and always thinks I'm going to judge her. So she doesn't talk to me as much as I'd like her too and then things sort of blow up every now and then. And sometimes I wouldn't always be accessible to her. We lived pretty far from each other and public transportation took about 1-2 hours to reach each other. And she would work nights and I'd work early mornings and whenever we had free time she'd come see me or we'd meet halfway at a neutral town, I never went to her house as often.
The last few months we had been coming up on our deadlines to finally quit work and travel. We were searching for travel gear and I had bought my backpack and was coming up with an itinerary for the both of us when she came to me and said, "I think we should do weekend trips instead of a big long backpacking trip for a few months." It came as a shock to me because it seemed all of a sudden that she had gotten cold feet. So I was mad because I had just quit my job, which she says I should've talked to her about before hand, and now we have to deal with different plans. Also, the week before I quit my job they had changed my schedule to work afternoons and nights so it was even tougher to see her with conflicting schedules.
We didn't see each other for two weeks and when we finally did she wasn't excited but more worried and concerned about us. We talked for an hour and went through a whole gamut of emotions and ideas on what to do. She didn't think I was doing enough for her and our relationship. But we finally decided we wanted to stay together because we REALLY do love each other and have invested so much and would try harder. But when I got home, I was mad about the whole travel thing and I texted her a novel of everything I didn't say. She said she wanted to see me again so we could talk more... I waited two weeks before I finally decided to see her and when I did we talked for two hours. She didn't like the idea of breaking up but didn't want to be with me at the moment so she decided she wanted a break to think about us because things were confusing. We both all of a sudden had different ideas of the future and she didn't think we'd ever solve the same fight we always have. She felt stuck and like we weren't progressing, which from my point of view didn't seem that way at all. We gave each other some stuff back and we hugged each other tight like 6 times. We had light conversation about what we'd been up to and she said things like, "maybe we're not meant to be together like we thought." But I couldn't take it. I told her I was sorry for everything and wanted to be with her. There was a lot of crying. When I tried to kiss her goodbye she wouldn't kiss me back. I told her I'd wait for her and that I'd always love her and that I would rather be alone than with anyone else. She said "How do you know? We might end up meeting someone. Don't say that." So she decided that during the break she didn't want to talk to me, but I told her I'd keep talking to her.
So it's been a week and a half now and I'm going crazy. There's been ZERO word from her about anything and I feel lost, confused, hopeless, and drained. I want her back but there's literally nothing for me to do. I've said a few things to her and all I get are "I'm thinking and trying to figure things out." Or, "I don't know what to tell you." In one of the books she returned to me, it had a poem in it and a picture of us. I just don't know what to think of any of this. I'm overanalyzing every little thing about the situation. I want to say that we both loved each other a lot but she definitely loved me more in some respects. She wrote me numerous letters, drew me cards and pictures and made boxes to put stuff in that reminded her of me and us. We both believed we were soulmates and we always wanted the same thing until the whole travel thing and the fact that she thought I wasn't doing enough for her. I mean, I'm sort of confident that she may come back but I don't know when... and unlike her talking to me during our break, I can't say anything to her. I'm not looking for answers that tell me that she isn't coming back because I think there's something else going on here. She's also DEFINITELY not the type to date anyone. We've never cheated on each other at all.
Basically I just don't know what to do... what does it all mean? Thanks for reading and hopefully someone can give me some piece of mind.
