I need advice about my situation. I feel I don't have anywhere or anyone to turn to. Some background information first. I'm 30 years old, married with 2 children. I'm Asian and my husband is what you might call the American Mutt (a mixture of many European countries and a dash of American Indian). I've been happily married for 8 years now. My husband is a great husband who works hard to make sure I can stay home and be with our children. He doesn't go out, doesn't drink, and he would rather spend time with me and the kids at the park on the weekends than anything else. He is also a wonderful father. Our children are 5 and 4 years old. They are wonderful and happy children, the best 2 kids under the sun (in my opinion). So here goes with my question:
Four months ago, I was beaten by my father and brother. My parents were always disrespecting our (my husband's and mine) wishes and dismissive when it came to our feelings about things. This had been building up for years but once the children were born things became worse. They became more controlling and tried to undermine our decisions pertaining to the children. The last straw was this past Christmas when the children were finally old enough to understand Santa. I had spent 2 months tell them stories and reading books about Santa and they wrote letters to him asking for specific toys. Well, I told my mother to get them ANYTHING but the one toy they asked Santa for. My parents took the kids to toys r us and got them exactly what I told them not to. My husband got very angry and had a big argument with them about the disrespect they showed us and the lesson they were teaching our children (that whining would get them anything they wanted).
One week after the argument my parents were throwing a New Years party. My husband, still stung, said that he did not wish to attend and didn't want me to either. We talked and agreed that a cooling off period is needed. However, I told him that instead of just dropping off the face of the earth for a few weeks (my parents expected weekly visits so they could see their grandchildren) I want to tell them that we just need a cooling off period and that we still loved them. So, while my husband stayed home, I took the children to see them, receive their New Years gift and play for awhile, and so I could tell them that we would be away awhile. They blew up at me and called me my husband's puppet. They yelled and screamed about how stupid and inept my husband was (because he wasn't pulling in 6 figures and was only able to buy a small townhouse for his family). They said they hated my husband and that they wished him dead. They called me evil, a disgrace and overall a horrible human being. Then my brother (who was visiting for the holidays) came in and joined in the argument. Things then turned physical. My father threw me against the wall and hit me across the face 4-5 times. He then threw me on the floor, sat on my chest and strangled me. I got up and grabbed my children (yes they saw the whole thing and were screaming in fear) and tried to run. My brother struck me in the jaw and throat and also threw me into the coffee table when I had put the kids down to grab their coats. I made it out of there but before I left my mother was able to tell me that she thought I deserved everything I got. I drove home with my two children crying in the back. I ate soup for 3 days straight after that because I couldn't open my jaw,
Well... since the incident, we've filed a police report (I begged them not to make any arrests), set up an emergency protection order through the court and moved across the county. I couldn't live where I had lived anymore. I would jump at the sound of foot steps outside my house. I would break out in cold sweats if I was out walking the dog and saw an SUV (my parent's vehicle). My husband had quit his very secure job with a good company. We rented out our house. We packed all our things and just drove across the country hoping for the best.
Now, 4 months after the incident, my husband landed a better job than the one he had. We found a nice little apartment to start at. The kids seem happy in their new environment. However, my parents are trying to contact me again. They went to our old home and our tenant gave them our new address. They don't have our new phone numbers so they called the apartment management office and tried to get someone to go get me on the phone. I then received a letter this afternoon. It was written by my father telling me how sorry he is for what he did and that it had hurt him, doing what he did, a lot more than it did me. He wrote about missing me and the kids and that they are going crazy with grief and longing everyday we are away. He also mentioned how shock he was to find out that we moved. He ended with how much he loved me and my kids and that he begs that I would forgive him.
My husband is livid about this. He does not want any contact what so ever with them. He never wants them near me or the children ever again. I told him this might be easy for him but it's hard for me. He told me that he would feel betrayed if I contacted them because of all that he did to try to ensure our safety. I don't want for him to feel that way and I can't go behind his back because I can't betray his trust. It hurts me to know that my silence is causing my parents pain. But I also need to think of my children and whether I want them interacting with my parents and in that environment.
No matter what they are my parents. I don't know if I can renounce them for life. My husband needs me to stay away from them and I need his trust and support.
I feel that I can't talk to anyone about this. I can't talk to my husband because I don't want him to think that I'm swaying away from him. I just need some advice. An outsider's point of view. Thank you for reading.
