my life asked me to leave and give her space its hurting me badly
hello, my wife has asked me to leave to give her space last week and she won't acknowledge me at all!!
I am going to be honest about this so you have got a clear picture,
I am 36 years old and have been married for twelve years, we have 2 babies (well I will always call them my babies) boy of 9 and a girl of 7 my wife is the same age as myself (av)
before I start getting into it I have to make this very clear there is a lot of love in our family its not all bad and I mean a lot of love, we had a massive row 2 weeks ago and I lost control of myself and I pushed her away physically!! "has this happened before?" "YES" and I hate myself for it absolutely hate myself. I didn't mean too and I don't realise until after it happens, I feel I have been a bully psychologically and physically probably since we got together about 13 years ago I feel I have been controlling her in almost everything she does and I can tell its now like a "volcano has erupted" and every thing is coming out and I can see it , I should have seen it a long time ago though,
I have hurt her so much she won't acknowledge me at all, I found it very hard to leave the house (our home) and I'm absolutely scared stiff I won't see my toothbrush in the bathroom again, my wife is the sweetest person on earth she is soft gentle kind caring and has done nothing but be the best mother and wife any man could want, I feel sick to my stomach for what Ive done I can't explain it, I have never been here before!! she said that she felt like she's always walking on "egg shells" and that she's had enough" and she needs space, I think that space means its over, she hasn't told me its over but is making it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me, the minute she asked me to leave it was like i had been squashed and my whole life has gone, its been confusing, I have been angry with myself and straight away i made enquiries about anger management and CBT and i have these booked in and im trying my hardest to tell her how remorseful and sorry I am but nothing is working to break her silence I send a text every night saying "good night x" and absolutely nothing I m lost do you think there is any chance of recovery, now the only big issue i have is that her sister went through marriage breakup last year and my wife was the shoulder and now she spending time with her sister and it scares me that the advice she is getting might be corrupt not intentionally but her sister has gone through a bad time and i think her opinion could poison any chance for me to be able to hold my wife again, after twelve years I could write a book but i think i have skimmed over it and im riddle with guilt, embarrassment and shame but feel like "well I can't explain it" and I want to go home more than anything