My girl cheated on me before our 8yr anniversary. We separated. I want her back.
I'm 27, and she's almost exactly a year younger than I. She and I have lived together for about 5 years and had a stint in the beginning where she lived across the country and we managed to keep our relationship healthy despite. Until now she has never lied or cheated or done anything short of worship the ground I walked on. Everyone who knew her would always attest to how in love she was with me, and I can tell you I never had eyes for anyone but her since the day we met. We were a perfect love story couple as far as anyone could tell. We had a few fights here and there over the years that seemed as if they went away as soon as they had begun. We had talked about getting married a number of times over the past 3 years, but I never applied myself to do it because she was fresh out of school and I was struggling with my job. We had some run ins here and there about finances and our future, doubts have come to mind here and there over the past 6 months for sure, I started feeling like I needed to step it up and work harder before she lost faith in me as a provider so I tried to communicate with her and encourage her to talk to me about why we seemed to be growing apart. A couple of fights over the past year we said some hurtful things to one another and almost broke up, but it seemed that those feelings were gone as fast as they came and everything went back to normal. We still were un-seprable and very in love after 7 years or so I thought. We constantly checked in with each other throughout the work day, we went out pretty often, and always looked forward to evenings alone together.
This past month we took a week long trip and I made a decision to actually marry her already when we got home and was ready to ask for her fathers blessing. I told her how much I loved her more than the day I met her and that I felt it was time for us to pursue our life together on the next level. This trip really helped me sort my life out, getting away from work and just being with her. I knew she wanted it even a few years back, but now I knew it was a sure thing for me, and the right time... So I thought. She cried in my arms that day, seeming so happy that I still felt this way and more so, she confessed she thought I was looking for a way out at times (which was never the case though I can see where she may have gotten that idea at times). I had recently opened a new business and was dealing with allot of stress trying to be a provider as well as run my business. I feel I was failing her financially and was stressed allot and my attitude towards her at times was less than loving, but usually because she nagged me about working too much and yet nagged me about us not having enough money. I thought we would have everything figured out after our vacation.
A few days later I discovered she had been cheating on me with a co-worker who is about 10 years older than I am since about a month before our trip. I found soon after that she cried because of guilt when I told her how I was feeling. She actually had an apartment already lined up and was ready to leave me for this guy before we went on our trip and I had no chance apparently. She stressed we were bad together and that was that. I watched her leave, move her stuff and it hurt me deeply. Over the next week she and I didn't talk. I missed her so much and told her that this was all a mistake. Then she came around and even spent the night with me a few times at our old home but this guy has been around the whole time since she left. She started telling me that she thought I wouldn't have protested her leaving and thought we were over and that I wouldn't have put up a fight. She said she was confused and didn't want to hurt me and doesn't know what she wants but that she still loved me and there was a chance she would reconsile with me if I'd forgive her. She won't leave the other guy though.
To make things more complex, she ended up in the hospital for the past 3 weeks and asked me not to visit her. I did anyway, bought her flowers and baked her cupcakes. I also visited her on st patricks day and brought her some festivities and we drank green-dyed water from wine glasses since should couldn't have alcohol. She cried and held me, even kissed me goodbye.
She now is going to be getting out of the hospital in the next 2 weeks, and we've since been talking almost everyday. She one day tells me she loves me but needs to see responsible changes in my life before she can come back while the next she says how amazing this new guy is and how she doesn't see us getting back together any time soon. I feel that if I break contact with her ill loose any chance of fixing our relationship and picking up as close to where we left off as possible. Her current mindset says I'm the plan B and I really don't want to be. I've had almost a month to figure out what went wrong and discuss it with her. She has said that the changes I've made have made her reconsider her leaving, but now she needs time to think and would prefer I don't contact her. She still talks to the other guy regularly and says she really cares for him (sometimes says she loves him) but has confusing feelings about me because she knows how committed I am to her. My overall question is what can I do to get her back? I know many will say forget her and move on, she cheated etc... But I've realized just how much of an impact she had on my life and my love hasn't changed and has become more intense. It's a bad situation, any suggestions are welcome!
