My mother has been addicted on sleeping pills and alcohol since I can remember, this is very hard for me. I use to be embarrest when I was growing up, had trouble asking her questions as she was always in a daze at night or over weekends, always came in trouble as she couldn't remember a thing. I get jealous of other parents who visits their daughters and have fun together. Even when my mother is awake, it has now come to this point where I do not want to give her the time of day to even speak to me.

She is still married to my father for over 25 years no( I'm 24). I older sister was mollested by my father ( not his child) and she moved in and out the house sevral times to safety houses and so on.

Today I'm a lesbian, don't think it has too much to do with my other, I just prefer woman to men.

My trouble is that I really want to love my mother and have a relationship with her, but she always dissapoints me , on mothers day she will rather go out with her boss( think they have something on for the past 8 years now... that's all that she can talk about, then again, it is the only time that she is awake, is when she is at work) and then she comes home on mothers day, all drugged up by the time she arrives and the whole day is ruiend, the same for birthdays and xmas, and any other day actually.

I lashed out on her a few times and told her what I feel like, she just forgets it the next day and pretend there is nothing wrong, or goes on this emotional trip and feels so sorry for herself, because her daughter doesn't love her anymore - ag please...

And them I'm in 2 - I want to love her, I want to tell her everything in my mind, I want to phone her and see how she is doing.

For a good month or two now, I am not able to cope with this, and all of this is causein a light depression, feels like my joy is taken away...

This is a lot of words, I don't even know if this all makes sense, but it feels so good to get it out.

Nobody can change your mothers behavior except your mother. There is help out there but she has to want the help or it doesn't do any good. You need to focus on helping yourself with the feelings you are having. There is a group called Alanon, they have meeting everywhere. It's just a group of people who are going through or have been through similar situations and they can be a great source of support for you. Try a meeting, what can it hurt?

Unfortunately, it would be wise to expect nothing good from your mom, and keep your distance, so you are not disappointed by her actions.

Seeking out Alanon is a good suggestion by the other poster, not just for help, and support, but education, and ideas, by others who are experienced with what your dealing with.