Did I dig myself into a hole?
Threads merged. Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.
I hooked up with a girl a month ago, and at first we both just thought it was a hookup, nothing else. But then she came over the next day, and we hung out. And the next day. For about a week we saw each other everyday and hung out. We really got along, really connected, and started falling for each other.
But she was technically not even broken up with her boyfriend. They had dated for 4 1/2 years, since she was 16, and he was her first and only boyfriend and sexual partner. But she said for the last half year they had been drifting away because he was going nowhere in his life and depressed and stayed at home and didn't even go to school.
So they officially broke up, and we continued hanging out, though we were very honest with each other about her feelings and she said her feelings for me were real, I wasn't a rebound, but she felt pulled, because she still wanted to be friends with him, since they had known each other their whole life, and lived right next to each other.
We have been very open and honest about the situation. We agreed to give her space and let her mend broken fences with him. But we still couldn't keep our hands off each other, and couldn't stop hanging out. We both even felt love after 3 weeks of hanging out, and it was real.
She claimed she couldn't date him anymore because he was going nowhere and their lives were growing apart. Well, he came up this weekend to visit her, and basically professed that he could never love anyone like he loved her again, etc.
Now she's really torn. He was such a big part of her life, their families know each other very well, she even assumed she would be with him her whole life. She's very confused right now, doesn't know what to do, because he has made it clear he can't be just friends with her, and she thinks she can't be just friends with him anymore.
I try to tell her over and over, right now, you can't imagine seeing him in a nonromantic way, but time will help you both, because after the first breakup, its hard to see yourself starting over again.
I know she really cares for me, and she feels real bad about all this.
I kind of foresaw this possibility when I learned she just broke up with her first exbf of 4 1/2 years. I have talked to her, been open, and not demanding and given her space.
What else can I do if I really care for her? Did I dig myself into a hole? Do I need to give her time and hope she doesn't go back to him?
Girlfriend needs time, need some perspective
Threads merged
Hey guys, I've browsed these boards before, and its cool how many helpful people there are here. I just need some advice and perspective, maybe from someone who has been through this.
The history of me and my current girlfriend is bumpy, ill summarize.
We met when she was kind of falling away from her current ex, 5 months ago
-her ex was her first serious boyfriend, first sex, and first love, they dated for 4 1/2 years. They were best friends too.
We fell for each other quickly, but it was tough for her to let go of her past. After some flip flops and long talks, she realized she wanted to take the risk with me because I was not a high school relationship (we are both in college), I was a mature person who treated her great and would never cheat on her like her ex, and we could talk about our future together with no worries.
She finally confronted her exbf, and told him she wanted to date other people, which was one of the hardest things she's ever done, and I appreciate her so much for that.
But there's a problem. Most her close friends became close friends because she dated their best friend. And now they are showing who they really care about, her ex. They have said terrible things to her, and refuse to let her move on even though she's been so careful and respectful about it. She wants to keep her ex in her life because he's her first love, and they have that connection, which I understand. But now her "friends" are basically making her choose between them or me.
She has been in a terrible mood, lashed out at me, and then apologized. She said there's nothing I can do or say, because I can't understand what its like to lose her close friends over me. She owns up to the fact she chose me, and said she's not changing her mind, but she needs time to get over all this, time alone. She can't be with me during this because she says she's has to come to the realization she can't have both her friends and me.
I have worked with her through this, been patient, and as understanding as possible. I have told her to take as much time as she needs, and ill be here when she finds her way back, and that I care so much for her.
Is there anything else I can do? Am I missing something? Perspective from an outside party would be much appreciated.
