What do I do if my fiancé isn't happy with our sex life?
My fiancé and I have been together for three years. We live together, and recently he has started to express his unhappiness in bed. Specifically, he tells me I'm boring. I have tried to spice things up; I've bought sexy outfits, surprised him with things I think he will like, offered to try new toys, but he never seems enthusiastic about any of it. If it does arouse some interest, it will maybe last a day or two, and usually his reply is "yah, it was okay". I have never had a problem with any of this before him and it makes me extremely self conscious. Now when we do have sex, all I think about is how I can never do the right thing, or how I can never please him. Most recently, it has gotten so bad that he just stops in the middle of everything and won't tell me what's wrong.
It doesn't help that he is constantly badgering me to actually have sex. I don't look forward to it because I don't enjoy it. I tell myself not to worry, but I can't help it. I have asked him many times (away from the bedroom) what I can do, and what he likes, but I can never get a straight answer. It's like he expects me to somehow know what to do, or to be like some character out of a porn flick. He's very quick to comment on other "hot" girls, but I never hear him comment about me this way. I know he would never cheat on me, but sometimes I feel like he's formed this idea of what he should have in his head, and I can never live up to it.
He also lacks any initiative in the romance department. He hasn't been very sensitive to my needs at all, and I basically have to TELL him what I would like. He never takes his time, acts like it's a huge inconvenience to do anything to please me and just wants to get straight to the point. He never cares if I'm tired or stressed and actually gets pissed at me if I tell him "no". I'm finding it really hard to look forward to anything in the bedroom because I am so anxious about what will happen, not to mention that I rarely get anything out of it. It's really taken it's toll on our relationship, and we argue about the same thing constantly.
I feel like I am doing all I can to help this issue, but everything I say to him goes in one ear and out the other. I doubt he will be open to seeing a sex therapist. He is not a selfish person, but this problem is getting worse by the day.