Should I stay or should I go?
I've been married to my husband for a little over a year. We have 5 children between us. I have 1 boy and he has 4 girls. I think they're part of the reason I've stayed (I know that's never a good idea). I love my husband, but lately I'm frustrated, and completely losing interest in making my marriage work.
When I married my husband I was under the assumption that his finances were pretty much in order. Once we were married I found out that he was extremely behind in child support, owed money to the state for unemployment he collected and wasn't entitled to, and hadn't filed taxes in two years (which of course meant he owed a ridiculous amount of money).
Before married I knew he was without a drivers license due to DWI's (yes plural). I was under the assumption that once he completed a required course he could get it back. Wrong! If your in arrears with child support, you don't get your license.
It gets better... about 5 months ago he was temporarily laid off work. I noticed large amounts of money being spent. He had taken hundreds of dollars out of our checking, charged a ton of money on MY credit card, and charged over a thousand dollars on my COMPANY credit card. My boss was really understanding and is allowing me to pay it back a little at a time (thank god).
The money missing was... of course... because he was using cocaine and prescription pills. I told him he needed to leave until I figured out what I wanted to do. I took him back after a week with 3 stipulations: (obviously) don't do drugs, go to a drug treatment program, and get a part time job. I felt bad for him, being as his family was extremely unsupportive.
As of 3 weeks ago, I gave him a drug test, and he was clean. He worked a part time job for 2 weeks, but was let go. He went to drug counseling for about 3 1/2 months.
I feel like I'm back to square one. He has not seen or even called his couselor in about a month and a half, even though I remind him to at least 3 times a week. He has not gotten another part time job. I don't know if he's using, but I haven't been missing large sums of money. However, he has decided to get himself a credit card (another completely unnecessary bill!! )
I've had to pick up a second job, and we still can't get ahead. I'm resentful and angry a lot. I feel like I'm doing everything. He's the one who has created the financial mess we're in, and don't think he's doing his part to fix it. I don't want to work 2 jobs, but feel like I don't have a choice. I also have to listen to him complain about my second job (bartending) because I'm normally gone until 3 in the morning, but it works for me because I only have to work a few days to make the same amount of money I would in 2 weeks somewhere else.
On top of this, he barely contributes to the household duties. He fixes dinner almost every night (although I think he should, he gets home no less than 3 hours before me), and does the dishes every now and again. I cover everything else, laundry, cleaning the entire house, making lunches, cleaning up after the dog, etc. When I get home we eat, and then he usually sits on the couch and falls asleep until I wake him up to go to bed.
I need some unbiased advice. I've talked to friends and family, but they're typically on my side. I don't know if I have the energy or even want to make this work anymore. I love him, but I beginning to think sometimes that isn't enough.
