Estranged Father and Daughter
My ex-wife is an alcoholic with a diagnosable personality disorder. She followed the path that her mother took and subtly drove a wedge between my daughter and I from the moment that my daughter could talk until emotionally I was shut out. Just as happened with her father. I felt that I was never allowed to bond with my daughter and as she grew my parental position was constantly undermined. Any attempt to impose even the mildest form of boundary was undermined and met with over-indulgence from my wife. Also my wife had a perverse nature that required anything good to be spoiled and eventually destroyed. By the time my daughter was 11 years old she and I had become strangers under the same roof. The situation became intolerable and when my wife realised that our family was likely to break up she then instigated emotional blackmail that instead of resolving the situation, actually made it worse.
After the split (2003) I tried to share my daughter but was thwarted at every turn. After 3 years of being treated like a leper I left the UK and now reside in Europe. I have not seen my daughter for over 4 years. I have constantly sent messages of love and encouragement with at best no response, at worse to have my advances rebuked.
I have no help from my family as my childless sister pays lip-service to me ex-wife to ensure access to the 'child she never had' and her misplaced surrogate motherhood has had devastating consequences.
So to sum up.
1, A daughter who I understand is difficult to control and experimenting perhaps too much with alcohol. She has a history of self harming, prescription drug overdoses, and treatment for depression (She is now 17 yrs). I fear that a problem with alcohol is looming.
2,An alcoholic supine mother with no control over my daughter. I know she has poisoned my daughter against me but is in total denial and convinced friends and family that the difficulties between my daughter and I are nothing to do with her.
3, A sister who even my parents (My Mother has since died) as long as 15 years ago described as behaving in a peculiar manner due to never having had children. (She knew 18 months before I did that my daughter was self harming but entered a pact of silence with my ex-wife to ensure that my wife didn't cut of access).
4, Me. I'm now 61 years and in torment with this hurt that never goes away. I liken it to an endless bereavement.
I feel that I've done everything I can to resolve or at least improve the situation and have run dry of hope and ideas. What do I do now or where can I go to for help?