As an eighteen year old gay lad, who still hasn't come out to his family although has told some of his friends, I have been thinking lately about the pressure put on gay teens to "come out".

Fortunately I have gay family members and my parents are really open minded, so there's no real pressure to come out yet. Although my mother often asks, When this happens I simply change the subject, with all the cunning I have :).
I don't feel ready to let people know because I still have some lingering doubts which I don't think could be removed without experiencing a gay relationship, something I have yet to do.

This is partly because of my doubts and the fact that its difficult enough to approach another person in this way with the fear of rejection, without first having to gauge whether they are also gay.

My question is this; why does society put this pressure on us to "come out" when we have other stresses as mentioned above and also the stress of education and more commonly just being a teenager with raging hormones :confused:. I mean people don't expect heterosexual people to turn to their parents and say...

"mum dad .... *gulp* im straight. don't hate me" :eek:

Id like to hear peoples thoughts on this issue as I'm sure I'm not the only person who has had these thoughts.

What "society" is putting pressure on you, in fact my feelings would be a lot of society would be putting pressure on you to keep into the closet.

So why or how do you feel pressue to come out.

Sorry maybe I wasn't clear in what I meant... society expects people to tell everyone they're gay before they can have relationships. And I agree with you that many part do pressure people to remain hidden and closeted.

The act of coming out seems to be a humiliating one in that before someone can have a relationship they must confess to all about what type of sexual experiences they wish to have i.e. with men. It seems to be a huge invasion of privacy which in the eyes of society is acceptable, in which society then contradicts itself by having large factions which believe homosexuality is an abomination. Leaving many gay and lesbian people feeling ostracised.

Hope this has made it clearer where I'm coming from .

The idea of coming out is for you to feel good about who you are and living free .
You should never have to be anything other than who you are and faking anything is counter productive. It denies you.. well YOU!
That is not to say,you need to announce your status when you meet everyone!
I don't say to people "Hi I'm Michele hetro".

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Originally Posted by Strange-chicken

sorry maybe i wasn't clear in what i meant... society expects people to tell everyone they're gay before they can have relationships. and i agree with you that many part do pressure people to remain hidden and closeted.

the act of coming out seems to be a humiliating one in that before someone can have a relationship they must confess to all about what type of sexual experiences they wish to have ie with men. it seems to be a huge invasion of privacy which in the eyes of society is acceptable, in which society then contradicts itself by haveing large factions which believe homosexuality is an abomination. leaving many gay and lesbian people feeling ostracised.

hope this has made it clearer where i'm coming from .

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I haven't noticed that society pressures gay teens to come out- if anything, the bullying of perceived gay kids in high school is so severe, it causes many kids to commit suicide.

As for coming out being humiliating because folks will know or speculate about certain sexual experiences... well, the way I see it, every time a straight person has photos of their spouse and kids on their desk, etc. we all know what or who they're probably doing in bed, right? It's not humiliating for them, nor should it be- so, it's not humiliating for me. It's who we are.

Coming out is a personal decision. Do it if and when you feel ready. :)