A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear
Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting
her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself
off,and started running again!. As she ran she once again began to pray,
"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late... But please don't shove me
either!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he
calls it a poem, they give him $50. *
*The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a
piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."*
*The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on
a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to
collect all the money!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no
male pallbearers. In her handwritten **instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't
want them to take me out when I'm dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had
to arrest your own mother?" He answered "Call for backup."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with
them to Jerusalem . A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby
sitter."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father
and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy
answered, "Thou shall not kill."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including
human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how
Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother
noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what
is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think
I'm going to have a wife."
*~~~~~~~~~~~~
