Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend of 2 years wants a break

Girlfriend of 2 years wants a break

Hey,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and for the most part things have been great. We have gone on 2 or 3 day "breaks" a few times throughout our relationship, usually because she said she wants to be independent and make her own decisions without having to worry about what someone else thinks. Well we have gotten back to this point and she now wants to take a break again, but this time it seems like she wants it to be a little longer (a few weeks to months).

I am kind of the jealous/insecure/clingy type, but have been working on this for many years and feel like I have made improvements... sort of. When things are going great between us then I feel very secure and don't feel the need to worry about what she's thinking/doing. But when things get rocky, or especially like this, then I can't help but worry if she just doing this to sort of ease the blow of the actual break up.

We have discussed marriage at great length and I did propose, but it was without her parents consent, which she really wants, and so even though she said yes we aren't technically engaged, but I thought it might be helpful to mention that we have discussed plans of a future together.

Any and all advice is welcome. Thank you.

Also, she said she wants the break to make sure that being with me is the right thing.

Seems like she's taken quite a lot of breaks my man. Also, if it's true that she needed the break to make decisions and be independent than 2/3 days hardly seems sufficient. If that's a line than so is this.

You seem very committed andvery in love with her, so much so your contemplating marriage without the thought of taking a break for one reason or another. Her, on the other hand, has taken quite a few, I wonder if how you feel for her is not how she feels for you, evidenced by your summation of the relationship.

I'd think long and hard about her actions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by helyk12

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and for the most part things have been great. We have gone on 2 or 3 day "breaks" a few times throughout our relationship, usually because she said she wants to be independent and make her own decisions without having to worry about what someone else thinks.

Supposely things are so great, but you guys keep having these breaks every so often. Doesn't sound great to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by helyk12

Well we have gotten back to this point and she now wants to take a break again, but this time it seems like she wants it to be a little longer (a few weeks to months).

Dude. Whenever a female says she needs a "break" or "space" that means "LOW INTEREST" buddy... the best you can do is go missing. Give her a break all right.

And she's always asking for a break... Drop her man!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by helyk12

I am kind of the jealous/insecure/clingy type, but have been working on this for many years and feel like I have made improvements... sort of. When things are going great between us then I feel very secure and don't feel the need to worry about what she's thinking/doing. But when things get rocky, or especially like this, then I can't help but worry if she just doing this to sort of ease the blow of the actual break up.

Jealous/insecure/clingy are the WORST traits a MAN can have in a relationship, no wonder she is asking for breaks dude and losing interest... lay off her dude... WORK ON YOURSELF... you don't need a relationship quite frankly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by helyk12

We have discussed marriage at great length and I did propose, but it was without her parents consent, which she really wants, and so even though she said yes we aren't technically engaged, but I thought it might be helpful to mention that we have discussed plans of a future together. Any and all advice is welcome. Thank you.

Dude she asking for a break for (weeks to months) and you talked about the future... She said yes to your proposal but there's no engagement. Dude I wouldn't put too much value into a future right now with this girl...

There's no interest from her side dude...

Quote:

Originally Posted by BMI

Seems like she's taken quite alot of breaks my man. Also, if it's true that she needed the break to make decisions and be independant than 2/3 days hardly seems sufficient. If that's a line than so is this.

I guess I should've explained that better. The 2 - 3 days started the same as this break with the intent of it being longer. But she would start to realize during those few days how much she misses me and then we'd get back together.

She says she's tired of this up and down relationship and doesn't want to go through this anymore, but the fact that she has taken me back so many times makes me think that she really does have feelings for me, but that she just needs to branch out and be her own person for a while. She has kind of a sheltered family life.

Thank you guys for your responses.

Quote:

Originally Posted by helyk12

I guess I should've explained that better. The 2 - 3 days started off the same as this break with the intent of it being longer. But she would start to realize during those few days how much she misses me and then we'd get back together.

She says she's tired of this up and down relationship and doesn't want to go through this anymore, but the fact that she has taken me back so many times makes me think that she really does have feelings for me, but that she just needs to branch out and be her own person for a while. She has kind of a sheltered family life.

Thank you guys for your responses.

Quit rationalizing her feelings and actions dude. She has very LOW INTEREST in you bottom line!!

DUDE IF SHE MISSES YOU... SHE WOULDN'T BE ASKING FOR A BREAK... DROP THIS GIRL!!

THE ONLY REASON SHE KEEPS ALLOWING YOU BACK IS BC SHE IS WEANING HERSELF Off YOU... ONCE SHE FIND WHAT "SHE REALLY WANTS" YOUR'RE GONE DUDE...

GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN...

Think of a relationship like this as a business. Which would you rather prefer to have in your business, a person who shows up on time for every day they are scheduled and does their part to make sure the job is done successfully? Or do you want an employee who shows up a few days, but also skips some days. Constantly blames their shortcomings on someone else?

Personally, the first option sounds pretty good to me.

Just think about that for awhile. And give her the space she wants, NO CALLING or TEXTING

Thank you. I will try to keep this all in mind.

Yep dude... go NO CONTACT... GO MISSING...

Sweet Guy is exactly right... your interest level is way way higher than hers, never a good thing. My ex did the same thing to be a couple of years ago, we never got back together. Go missing, don't answer the phone or texts. She's expecting you to respond so it will throw her off. She wants space... give her all the space she wants, be gone. I know this goes against what your head's telling you right now but trust me it's true... and when enough time passes you'll realize it.

The key is to look at the "REALITY" of the situation. Most men rationalize and look at the situation through the eyes of their ego...

That's gets them in trouble every time...

REALITY COUNTS... EGO DOESN'T

If she needs that many breaks from you, and you haven't resolved the problem, or even talked enough to identify it, your in deeper trouble than you think.

Yup, she's using you over & over.
Why would you want to continue that?

Yep she is using you dude... you are nothing more than a self-esteem boost for this girl... she doesn't want you...