I am 34 years old , female and HIV positive. You would think that after almost 13 years of knowing my status I would have adjusted by now but nooooooooo! It seems to me that I am just as miserable as I was June 10, 1998, the day I found out. I am also dealing with an ongoing battle with something I like to call "self-sabotage" when things are going well for me I have some way of messing things up. Like now I have a good job and I am on my way to finally "getting myself togather" with no help from anyone. And I still can't help fighting back tears and feeling OVERWHELMED!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

You should see a therapist, maybe get on some light medication.

I've felt that way for all of my life. Even when I was a little girl. I just found out in April that I have depressive illnesses, like Dysthymia, Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder and OCD.

I felt that way for so long I didn't even know I had a problem; I just accepted that that's what life is supposed to feel like. Unfortunately, my issues are very chronic and I will be on medicine the rest of my life, but I feel so much better compared to what I did.

I would seriously consider going to see a therapist/psychologist and see if they can see if there's anything else that's going on that you might not even be aware of. If you've been feeling that bad for that long, there's definitely something amiss.

Good luck.

Have you thought about joining a group of females who also has HIV?