19 year old on downward spiral
I don't know if that is the correct question title...
My daughter is 19. She graduated (barely) from high school last June. She moved to her dad's for the summer. While there, she met a 25 year old. She ended up working as a server at his mom's restaurant. She moved back home in September but couldn't (didn't try to) find a job while she was going to community college. So, she worked at the restaurant over the weekends and came home during the week. In December she decided to move there for good. She started community college there as well.
She ended up moving in with her boyfriend because he got kicked out of his house for drugs. I advised against it. He went into rehab. I thought all was good. He finally got a job.
Last week... she was fired from her job for stealing money for her drug addict boyfriend(who was having her steal from his own family.) And, unbeknownst to me, he has never stopped using... even though he has been to rehab twice-10 years. ( he has hurt and stole from his family so much that they don't talk to him) So, she lied about the drug use. I had helped them by covering her car insurance, cell phone, occasional food, etc. I asked what she was going to do. She wanted to come home. I told her she could, because if she didn't she would get nothing else from me. I don't promote drug use.
She lasted 4 days and is back to "help him" find another job. He has a hold on her!
She has also spent several hundred dollars on school and books that she hasn't finished the classes for. And hundreds of dollars "help me" money from me and her grandparents.
What happened to her and what can I do now to help her be a productive member of society? I know that I need to stop "helping" her. But what else? I don't want her to fail! My husband says I need to "mentor" her better. But she is legally as adult! I can't MAKE her do something.
I am at wits end! I know it is not my problem... her life. But?
I am a college graduate. Married and divorced from her father. Remarried though not happily... though we are better when not discussing her... and we have been together for 15 years, married 12. I am not stupid. Nor did I raise her to be like this (steal, lie).
She says she doesn't drink or smoke pot or do other drugs. She does smoke cigarettes.
Any advise out there? Both for her and for me? I was told off by one of her friends today, so any advice is welcome!