 |
Should I be upset that my boyfriend has fallen asleep during sex acts at least 4 different times? The times he had fallen asleep he was either giving me oral or I giving it too him.
It does bother me, makes me feel very hurt and angry. Not to mention not attractive enough for him or pleasing him good enough.
:(
Yes, I think it's a problem. But you shouldn't necessarily take it personally. What is his life/schedule like? Is he exhusted from his day by the time you two make time for each other?
Is he truly falling asleep? Or is it an alcohol or drug issue?
Have you guys talked about it? If not, you should.
Maybe it's as simple as you needing to have sex earlier in the evening...
In response...
No he doesn't do acholo or drugs...
Yes we have talked about it... but it keeps happening... he just gets mad at me for getting upset.
We do have sex earlier... he works evenings...
Just to answer your thoughts...
Thanks by the way!
Don't get upset... he might be embarrassed that it happened. Do you two play out different types of fantasies, or do you try new things or is it the same ole' routine?
Try something different break the routine (if your set in one) shake things up and see how he responds to that.
I am now remembering your other post... You talk there about him having no interest in you once he has been sexually satisfied. When I read both posts together, it seems that you have serious issues in your relationship and that he is a selfish person. You might want to think about moving on.
Others answering this post should check out her last post:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-344438.html
OMG...Quote:
Originally Posted by jjwoodhull
Girl you need to put on your walking shoes. This guy is selfish and he has issues and he lies. It wouldn't be bad if he would open up but he won't and that makes it bad.
Hmmm, if he works evenings, that is super hard on ones body. When I did it, my body never got used to it, and I did it for a year at least. It could be that oral is not stimulating enough.Quote:
Originally Posted by confused_lady
How do you talk to him, your tone in this very post seems a little angry, are you angry at the suggestions above? I get that this must be frustrating. It seems important to try and keep your upset feelings undercontrol so as to beable to focus on how ask him what he thinks and not to let your emotions to cloud your judgement. We probably should all learn that, but who ever will eh?
Maybe you may consider spicing it up more. Whip cream/ chocoalte sause or various other things. Give him something to watch? If you are not comfortable with these ideas, no worries they are just suggestions.
How much does he exercise? Does he get out at all during the day? How long does he work evenings? From what time to what time? What does he do, it there a possibility that he works where he could inhail something that may cause sleepyness? How well does he sleep, and how much? What is his diet like?
Does he even like oral? Perhaps you may consider talking to a counseler, or sex theropist?
PEace and kindness be with you.
P.S. Ok, so this is way different. It's up to you, and you would be wise to talk to a counseler to get this all sorted out, and have some kind of supports should you need them. This "may be abuse" what he is doing. But we can not tell, please talk to some one who can give you better information.
What is his age? How long have you been together?
Does he fall asleep at other times?
Sorry he's not helping you in figuring this out.
Your being upset probably isn't the right approach. He's just being defensive.
Could be he's afraid he has a medical issue.
Could be that the night shift has just got him exhausted.
Oh, wow. Okay.Quote:
Originally Posted by jjwoodhull
Add to my last post:
Could be he's a jacka**
Is there anything you enjoy about this relationship?
Chances are, you can resolve this. If you succeed, the process will teach you how to solve other issues in your relationship. But you will have to work on it and you will have to create and sustain a frame of mind that's all about learning. You need to learn and use new skills.Quote:
Originally Posted by confused_lady
First of all, you can realize that his falling asleep most likely doesn't mean what you think it means. You think it means something about you, that you are not pleasing him enough, or not attractive enough, etc. Maybe you are right, and maybe not, but your interpretation hurts, you mostly, and because you get hurt and angry, you spread the pain to him.
The truth is that you don't know why he is falling asleep. Maybe what is going on in his body is a medical problem. (I suspect it's not, and that you have a relationship problem.) But you don't know. He could be in bed with the porn queen of his dreams and fall asleep for all you know. So, you and he have to find out before you jump to conclusions.
The main point is that he's not doing this to you to hurt you. This is what's happening for him and he might feel terrible about it but also too ashamed to talk.
So, consider the concept that the story going on in your mind is not the story going on in his mind. You are just having very different experiences. There is no culprit trying to do bad, just two people whose sex life fell down a rabbit hole and who got frustrated and outraged.
The skill you need to learn is communicating. Get yourself and him to an NLP-based couples workshop. Google NLP (neurolinguistic programming) to find out more.
The second skill is managing your anger, which, by the way, gets sparked by your interpretation of what is going on when he falls asleep, evoking your story again. Blaming him for falling asleep, while understandable, is misguided. You might as well blame him for his singing voice, however good or bad that might be, or his shoe size.Quote:
It does bother me, makes me feel very hurt and angry. Not to mention not attractive enough for him or pleasing him good enough..
Instead of being the outraged victim of the situation, act as a partner. Support him in finding the cause and the remedy. Don't turn your expression of this or any other problem into an attack. You can't fight your way through this sort of thing.
All that said, you have the right and obligation to yourself to let him know that you want the problem solved and you want a good, balanced sex life. If he is using porn as a stimulant, who knows, he might wake himself up. If he's using it as an escape, and has outrageous fantasies, sex chat sessions with strangers, starts staying up half the night, or gets weird otherwise, insist on therapy for the two of you.
If he won't go, you go alone and work on your stuff. Learn how to express yourself in ways that make it safe for both of you to tell each other the truth. In that context of safety you can grow the relationship.
Sorry your so in love with a selfish boor.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:28 AM. |