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    confused_lady's Avatar
    confused_lady Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 21, 2009, 04:51 PM
    Don't know what 2 do.


    Hi all, New hear and would like some help... PLEASE!

    Ok, so here is the situtation... I have been in a relationship for a little over 15 months now, are relationship got off to a rocky start and we seem to be fighting like at least 2 or 3times a week. We have every type of problem... that goes with relationships... but we keep trying. The thing is it seems when we get over a hurdle another one comes along... and we just had a huge fight this past weekend... we made love and I never got off and he never even cared, never spoke about it and never attempted to do other things... he went to sleep...

    So, I woke him and asked him why? Did he think I did... cause he usually knows when I do... so I knew he had to know... but anyway so... we fought and fought and once again like a dummy... I gave in!

    Well, now today we where surfing the net together trying to find ways to work out our problems and I had to leave to go and pick up my son from school... 2 hours before that... I gave him oral sex and that's all... do to the "woman thing".

    I came home and he went to work and I got on computer and went to favorites and accidental hit history... not really caring until I seen... google searches for porn sites... and I looked at them and he was watching like 7 or 8 different ones... the thing is he told me he don't watch them... they do nothing for him... we have talked about them before and I told him if he would like we could watch together and he insisted he don't like them... I was only gone for like 25 minutes... and he just got oral and that past Sat he had sex and got off I'm the one that didn't!

    So, what do I do... I am so confused about the relationship... too many problems keep coming up and then something else happens... I would so appericate some HELP!! Should I comfort him... let it go... or WHAT??

    Thanks in advance!!

    :confused:
    none12345's Avatar
    none12345 Posts: 1,439, Reputation: 234
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    #2

    Apr 21, 2009, 04:55 PM

    If argueing and fighting always seems to be the problem, then maybe you two don't really go well together and it would be better to find someone that you can get along better with.
    confused_lady's Avatar
    confused_lady Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Apr 21, 2009, 04:59 PM

    Would appericate more input... about all the topics
    none12345's Avatar
    none12345 Posts: 1,439, Reputation: 234
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    #4

    Apr 21, 2009, 05:15 PM

    I find some of your post confusing. Im not sure what you're trying to say.

    But people don't like to admit that they watch porn and they like to do that in secrecy, that is probably why he doesn't want to admit it or doesn't want to watch them with you. Did you talk to him about how you felt?
    jjwoodhull's Avatar
    jjwoodhull Posts: 1,378, Reputation: 239
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    #5

    Apr 21, 2009, 05:19 PM
    1. You fight more often then not.
    2. He is selfish when it comes to sex.
    3. He lied to you about porn.

    These are three big things that would make me question the relationship. Do you have many good moments with him? Or does the bad out weigh the good?

    Yes, I would confront him about the computer history. The fact that he is looking at porn would not really bother me (so long as it is not excessive), but I would be very concerned about the fact that he lied. It would make me wonder what else he is lying about.

    You should also talk to him about his not satisfying you. He should want to make you happy. But don't discuss it "in the moment". Sit down and have an honest conversation with him about what you want and like.

    If you feel that you still love him and want to make it work, then you should really think about couples counseling.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Apr 22, 2009, 01:13 AM
    If you keep giving in to his behavior it will continue. It also seems you two fight more than you talk and resolve your issues and to be honest with you, not a lot of honesty is going on here, and that's poison to any relationship.

    If you can't talk calmly, and rationally, about your issues, all of them, then this relationship is doomed, and you will be miserable, and angry.

    Work at it together, or end it. If he is unwilling to work on it with you, what's the point?
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
     
    #7

    Apr 22, 2009, 06:39 AM

    Talaniman is right, if you keep giving in to him he won't change. If you want something to happen you have to make it happen. You need to confront him seriously about your concerns. You can't be in a one-way relationship, it will just make you miserable. Why trap yourself like that?

    If he's not willing to hear you out and make an effort to address your concerns, then it's time to say bye bye. You don't need to put up with all this. There are other men out there who will treat you with more respect.

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