I feel so bad and so good at the same time.
Hello everyone. I'm having an issue here that I cannot come to terms with and I need some opinions please (and thank you).
I have an ex-scratch that- I have children with an ex who I was together with for the past 10 years (which ended 2 years ago for good). I have always been a very good woman to him and did everything that a good woman is expected to do in a relationship. He continuously cheated on me, there would be times when he would literally kick my *ss because he was high or drunk. Needless to say, it was a horrible thing for the kids and I to be going through. So one day, I packed up as much as I could, left the beautiful home that we lived in, and never looked back (I took the kids with me of course).
Now a couple of years later to the present date, I have finally found someone who I truly love and who truly loves me. He treats me the way every woman should be treated. He treats my children the way a father should treat their children. Everything is great-almost perfect. Lately, I keep thinking of my ex. He still to this day wants to get back together with me and blah blah blah. I'm not in love with my ex-but I keep thinking about all these horrible things he did to me and it makes me cry-alot. I don't miss him and I would never ever in a million years go back to him (and trust me, I know that I could). He is having a baby any day now with another woman yet he still tries to pursue (sp?) me. And all the while I'm just thinking-oh my god he is doing the same thing to her as he did to me all those years. He's just a pig. But I keep thinking about him, and all the bad things he did to me and I just cry. OK-the problem? I feel horrible. Here I am, with the greatest man on earth-and I"m wasting precious time thinking about horrible things. Why is this happening to me and how can I get my brain back on track? Its not like I"m sitting here missing this huge monster-I just keep thinking about all the bad times and its making me sick. But no matter how much I realize that-I still feel like I'm doing something wrong-like I'm doing something bad to the one I really love. This is petty, I know-compared to all the really bad things that are going out in the world today-but it's my emotional health that is causing me to break down and I don't know how to stop remembering these things-which is preventing me from moving forward in my life. Suggestions please-and again-thank you.