Complicated Relationship Situation.
This is going to be a long post. :) Background information, I'm a sophomore in college and she's a freshman.
Last August, I met a girl, and literally from the first time we saw each other, we knew we were special. I asked her to lunch on the first day I met her, and she said yes. It was like our first date. We felt completely comfortable with each other. 2 solid weeks of being around each other EVERY MINUTE, we felt so strongly towards each other that we entered into a relationship. However, it took some convincing, because she had just gotten out of several hurtful, sometimes abusive relationships. 3 guys she dated actually turned gay, so she felt really bad about that.
So we were in a relationship for all the fall semester. It was the best 4 months of my life. I know that it might seem naïve and stupid, but you guys on here didn't see us. I could've married this girl, and she felt the same. I was abstinent until we were together for a month and a half, then we both lost our virginity. It was the best experience of my life sharing that with a person I loved. However, there were certain things that caused problems.
First, I was a messy person. I grew up in a very dirty household, and I didn't learn anything from my parents. And at her house, her parents are having marital problems because he doesn't do ANYTHING around the house. That bothered her, and she saw that it could happen in our relationship. So I started to do a lot better. Now I am as clean as anybody else.
Second, I'm in a fraternity that "bonds" by making fun of each other, no holds barred. Some people make fun of other brothers dead babies. Yeah. I've always thought this was wrong, but wanting to fit in, I would do it too. Not to that extreme, though.
The problem with this was that it would carry over into my relationship. I would make fun of her, all in good fun, but she would get really hurt. I realize now that this was very wrong, but I realized it too late. She would tell me that it hurt, but by then, it was a habit. I didn't try hard enough to stop, so I hurt her.
Third, she takes very difficult classes, and as much as she loved me and loved to spend time with me, she needed to do well in school, as she almost lost her scholarships last semester because she was distracted by our love.
These things led to our separation. We broke up two days before the spring semester started. She said that we needed to take a break and fix our lives, her with school and me getting my together, then we would talk about it. We were both devastated.
So, long story short, I catch one of my best friend and fraternal brother coming out of her apartment the next day. The story is that he went over there because being my best friend, he was also hers. So he's comforting her because she's crying and misses me, then he holds her, kisses her, and they have sex. I was SO PISSED. I ran up to him when he closed the door and basically we all went back in and I told them my opinion about it. She was crying so much she couldn't talk. So I left.
So he took advantage of her while she was vulnerable. She now feels absolutely horrible about it because she's really not that kind of girl. She feels like a dirty whore, basically. I was mad about it, but I've come to understand it.
Since then, we have spent some time together, and cuddled, and done everything that a boyfriend and girlfriend would do. But she still felt bad about having sex with someone besides me, and she wanted to get past that before we got back together. But it was going to happen eventually.
Then things got hairy. At mardi gras, we went to new orleans, and one of my friends told me that this girl that came with us wanted to have sex with me. Being a drunk guy, I considered it, and told my friend about it. However, I decided it wouldn't be a good idea. So I didn't do it.
My friend went back to my ex and told her that I was going to have sex with this girl, but she rejected me. And my ex said, "he would never do that because he said he loves me and doesn't want to have sex with anyone but me." so she asked me about it, and I lied, saying I never wanted to have sex with her. I got caught in a lie, and she got really mad. So I left her a message on her phone when she was refusing to talk to me, saying I don't see why you won't forgive me, considering I didn't do anything, but you ed Joe! I realize this is wrong now, but again, too late. This happened about 3 weeks ago. Since then, she hasn't talked to me, and doesn't want to have anything to do with me.
So, I've realized everything I've done wrong, and I feel that I'm a changed man. But she can't trust me not to hurt her again. I want to be with her, I think about her every second, and from what her friends have told me, she thinks about me all the time. But I don't know what to do to fix it.
Right now I'm playing it cool and giving her space. From there, I don't know what to do.
Your opinion is greatly appreciated.