Hi All

Im so confused, I'm married to a wonderful guy, he treats me like a princess and gives me everything that I want etc etc. The problem is that the "sparks gone", don't get me wrong I do love him, we have been together nearly 10 yrs and married for 4. I just feel we are moving into that "feel more like friends than lovers zone" some couples experience after being together so long. We are both 30.

The thing is I started seeing another man a couple f years ago when me and my husband were separated, it only lasted a couple of months but I did love him. Me and my hubby got back together and life went on. This is where my problems start, this guy has come back into my life, I stupidly met up with him and we kissed (I regretted it but if I'm being honest the kiss was electric and I've not felt that in years tbh). The guy is asking me to try again and I'm wondering why I'm tempted??

Ive got a hubby that loves and adores me (we isn't got kids), we have a nice home and go on fab holidays but why am I drawn to this guy who still lives at home and I know from past experiences that he tells lies after lies and cheats??

The obvious thing would be to tell him to sling his hook and try harder in my marriage, which I'm trying to do, I can't understand why I feel so strongly over this other guy, he treated me badly when we were together and I couldn't even trust him if we did get together

God I'm an idiot for hankering over someone that just brings me down with them when my hubby is such a nice guy

>alias account - imaloneandscare<

I just don't understand why I'm drawn to a guy that I know I can't trust, I would always be suspisious of his whereabouts and I know that's not a good foundation for any relationship. My husband deserves better than this and I'm all to aware of that and hence the reason I'm trying to forget this guy and move on, but its so hard

I have always found that when someone cheats on you they tend to destroy yourself confidence and ability to be happy with yourself. It is almost as if you truly start to believe you don't deserve better than them. It is part of their manipulation, self blame and all. I don't know if that is the case here, but just thought I would put that out there.

Perhaps you are drawn to him because you feel that sense of "deserving" that type of behavior and that maybe your husband is too good to you...

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Originally Posted by kctiger

I have always found that when someone cheats on you they tend to destroy your self confidence and ability to be happy with yourself. It is almost as if you truly start to believe you don't deserve better than them. It is part of their manipulation, self blame and all. I don't know if that is the case here, but just thought I would put that out there.

Perhaps you are drawn to him because you feel that sense of "deserving" that type of behavior and that maybe your husband is too good to you...

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I really don't know, the other guy did distroy my confidence if I'm honest. My husband is so fantastic that's why I don't understand why I'm drawn to this guy??

He lies, cheats and never replys to texts and when he does its days later when he feels like it. The other guy is 29 and still living at home. The other guy will get in contact then if I don't reply will leave it a few months and text again etc etc, it's a circle I'm trying to break

This cheating guy has literally broken you down enough to get you to chase him. Screw him, and focus on your incredible husband. Don't do to him what was done to you, be the good person you know you can be, and quit trying to contact your loser ex (sorry, had to be said).

Now, go grab a green beer!

I think you may be drawn to the "bad boy mystique" more than the man himself.

If you're honest, your husband is very safe. Very "good guy" - perfect for you in every way. But this man (in your opinion) is the embodiment of excitement and the thrill of the chase.

It seems that you and your husband should try to communicate what is "lacking" in your own relationship instead of fantasizing about the loser ex-boyfriend.

Have you considered counseling? Either personal or marriage?

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Originally Posted by kctiger

This cheating guy has literally broken you down enough to get you to chase him. Screw him, and focus on your incredible husband. Don't do to him what was done to you, be the good person you know you can be, and quit trying to contact your loser ex (sorry, had to be said).

Now, go grab a green beer!!

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I know my hubbys fantastic kctiger, and I know we have to try and get that spark back if I'm honest I just don't know how too?

Im thinking of this other guy all the time, and to make matters worse I know that whilst he was seeing a girlfriend of his he was cheating on her with another girl that lived 300 miles away.

It feels good, and as long as no one knows, you think you can get away with it. That's human nature, but there are consequences to your actions that you haven't considered yet.

Seeing the other guy will also make you a liar, as well as a cheat, but you complain of no spark anymore with your "wonderful" husband.

That will get worse, if you allow another to distract you from your home.

Stay within the boundaries of good behavior, and work with your husband to define, and find that spark again, not seek it elsewhere.

Ask him if he still feels a spark!!

Marriage is about working together, through honest communications, and not to do so, is cheating the relationship of a willingness to work at it. That's when there can be no spark, and the marriage dies.

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Originally Posted by HistorianChick

I think you may be drawn to the "bad boy mystique" more than the man himself.

If you're honest, your husband is very safe. Very "good guy" - perfect for you in every way. But this man (in your opinion) is the embodiment of excitement and the thrill of the chase.

It seems that you and your husband should try to communicate what is "lacking" in your own relationship instead of fantasizing about the loser ex-boyfriend.

Have you considered counseling? Either personal or marriage?

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Id never go to concelling, it really isn't for me, I'm not into sharing my thoughts etc with others (on here is different as its not face to face). If I think about it then I don't really "love" the ex, its more of he tells me I'm beautiful etc etc, so I suppose its all down to my lack of self confidence which he stripped me off.

My story is very similar to another one I have read on here recently, my friends told this guy that he was being horrible in the way he was treating me and he turned round to them recently and said that he didn't want to be with me anymore because of my interfering mates?? Again, like the last thread I read I think that is just an excuse on the ex's behalf, if he loved me then wouldn't he want to be with me regardless of my friends giving him grief

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Im thinking of this other guy all the time, and to make matters worse I know that whilst he was seeing a girlfriend of his he was cheating on her with another girl that lived 300 miles away.

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How about keeping him in your fantasy, and leave him alone... No Contact whatsoever. You can do that can't you?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

How about keeping him in your fantasy, and leave him alone...............No Contact whatsoever. You can do that can't you?

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I'm trying so hard talaniman, why does the though of him with other women hurt so much when I've a loving husband at home.
I can't stress how much I love my hubby and that's why I really can't understand why I'm feeling this way. I feel awful even thinking this way.

My hubby supports me in each and everything I do, he tells me he loves me everyday, buys me flowers etc etc. God I'm an idiot and I hate myself for thinking of another but I just can't help it.

The thought of the ex with another woman kills me?? Why

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Originally Posted by imsoaloneandhur

My story is very similar to another one i have read on here recently, my friends told this guy that he was being horrible in the way he was treating me and he turned round to them recently and said that he didnt want to be with me anymore because of my interfering mates ???? again, like the last thread i read i think that is just an excuse on the ex's behalf, if he loved me then wouldnt he want to be with me regardless of my friends giving him grief

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It should be similar, since you wrote it. What's up with all this deception? Where does the fantasy end, and reality begin.

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