Girlfriend wanted a break/ breakup one month ago on valentines...
We had been fighting a lot the last few months. We got in a huge argument the night before about her job. I said some mean things which I immediately regretted. So I went over the next day and we talked. She told me how much I hurt her with what I said and she had thought about breaking up before. I apologized and told her how sorry I was and how words could never fix my dumb thoughts. She kept saying how confused she was and didn't know if she wanted to stay together. I was crying really hard, which I don't do, haha, and she was crying too . She leaned forward and put her hand on my knee telling me she needed comforting too, just by touching me. She says we fight in cycles, which we do, and dosen't know how to stop it. She finally whispered she wanted to breakup. She also kept saying she wished she could go talk to her counselor. She asked me for a hug, but I couldn't. She asked if I wanted my things, but I could barely walk. She watched me as I left. As I left she said I can come over and to her again.? The next day like a moron, I wrote her an email saying very nicely that I truly regretted what I said . Very short and nice. She sent me back a tough email, saying we shouldn't talk right now and we need time apart for clarity. She then said we "can talk again" I just need time. She ended it of course saying I could pick up my things. But then she said she was sorry for the pain she caused me, and that she was extremely painful for her. She said to take care of myself and my son and be safe. I finished my email with love, and she just wrote her name. Here is the dumb part... we went to her counselor the week before and it really helped to talk. I hate counselors but she was really good. So I decided I would go get a reference from her on who I could go talk to on some stuff. This is one hr from my home. As I was pulling out of parking lot, she was pulling in when she should have been at work. I just kept driving and left. She never called to ask if it was me, but I think she saw me. I also just found out from a friend she is going to vegas with her friends in next , a trip we were going to take soon. I am so hurt. I have been going to counseling and reading books on how to date a female cop. I am really trying. I sent her an email on all the things I want to change and she sent this reply,, I read your email and I feel that it was very genuine and that you are starting to realize some of the issues we had. I think it is great that you are talking to someone and learning more about yourself. I am not ready to talk yet I still need time to figure things out. I think its good that we are both working on ourselves apart. I don't know what will happen in the future, I can't make any promises. Being on your own will give you strength that you may not realize you have in you. I know you are hurting, because I am to. We can never break the negative cycle until we grow more as individuals. One of my favorite books has a quote I love, "The true profession of man is to find his way to himself." Think of it like a journey were you will learn understanding and self awareness. Stay safe, and keep your head up. I then sent her flowers on her birthday 2 weeks ago... she sent.. I got the flowers they are beautiful and they smell great. I put them on the dining room table. I am working all day today. I am supposed to do two or three buy bust today. I am a little nervous, hopefully I can get the girls to flip and get a little higher up on the dope scale. I hope things are okay with you, and I hope Brett is good. Take care-meg and I sent this after my last counseling yesterday... I just wanted you to know how I realize how immature it was for me to try to make you jealous about other girls. It was childish and I apologize. I honestly never, ever had thoughts about anyone but you. I spent a hour just on this subject yesterday. I know this is only one subject matter, but I wanted you to know how bad I was hurting after TRULY realizing how terrible the things I said hurt you. Our anniversary is st pattys day. I know she has plans with her friend. And I know she is going to vegas next weekend..
I ordered flowers today to get sent st pattys day morning. Any thought would be greatly appreciated... I am so hopeful she will want to talk!
