Interested in a girl with a boyfriend
You've probably heard this story a million times, but hear me out -- at least for a few paragraphs.
Here's the scenario: we go to the same college in the northeast, both in our early 20s. I met her at the start of this semester in our Spanish class. I don't know what it was, but just one day I sat next to her and struck up a conversation with her (in English) and we've been talking every day since (it's six weeks now).
Thanks to the wonders of Facebook, I knew she had a boyfriend. Or, at least, was "in a relationship" with a guy that goes to the same college. Interestingly enough though, she never called him her "boyfriend." She was telling me about one annoying kid we both know and how she would stay "at her friends place ," who was roommates with this kid. I end up finding out through the grapevine (aka the annoying kid) that this "friend" was her "in a relationship" guy from Facebook. Red flags go up: why would she call her "boyfriend" her "friend"?
So for at least two weeks, never mentions she has a boyfriend. Mentions his name, but calls him a friend every single time. And we were talking A LOT, so the fact that she has a boyfriend -- you would think -- would come up. But no.
One night we're trading IMs and we talked for hours online. We start talking about everything: her, me, her life, my life. She tells me everything about herself (which she later says she doesn't trust anyone to tell that to). She starts kicking around a subject, though, and I'm trying to see what EXACTLY she was referencing. She was very vague. So I just told her a story about my ex and what happened between us, and then boom -- she finally mentions the "B" word. She basically blurts out that she doesn't know about him and if it's going to work, etc. She tells me they actually broke up in December, only to get back together in January after not seeing each other after awhile and figuring they'd "give it a shot."
A week or two after that conversation, we get together to study for a Spanish test. I introduce her to my friend and somehow her boyfriend comes up into the conversation. However, she calls him her "kinda-sorta boyfriend." We ended up talking for almost three hours that night (nothing about our Spanish test the next day) and every time she referenced him she said "kinda-sorta boyfriend." Not by his name. Not just "boyfriend." But "kinda-sorta boyfriend." I thought that was interesting. Also, she told me she didn't tell him she was going to study with me one-on-one, but in a group because he would "spaz" if he found out, she said. Whenever he called her, too, she would just hang up the phone and not answer it so she could keep talking to me.
(Meanwhile, she says things to me like I'm "amazing" and "the nicest person she's ever met" and she "doesn't want to lose me from her life.")
After this great conversation we have together, she tells me she's going to vow to be happier. One of the things we talked about is that she really isn't that happy and that she deserves to be. Well, the next day she tells her boyfriend to shape up or she's leaving him. Sweet, but I kind of think it's an empty threat and I'll explain why.
So since then we have talked every day, traded hundreds of texts, IMs, etc. She never talks about her boyfriend, but she goes to his hometown every weekend to watch his band practice. My problem is that I feel like she's not HAPPY with her boyfriend, but she is CONTENT. She's stuck in a routine, too: she loves this band (and everyone in it, obviously) he's in, but I think she just loves the routine of it all. I think she might be scared to break up with him because then she'd lose all her friends who were HIS FRIENDS FIRST. I think she's scared to take a jump.
So I come to the Internet for advice. I've been told multiple things, but I'd like to get a consensus. I want her to know how I feel, but I also don't want to lose this friendship. It's risky, but if I lose this friendship, I'm going to be upset with myself. She's one of the nicest people I've met and I want to be with her, but if not, I'd still want to be her friend.
Thanks in advance, everyone.
