Ask Me Help Desk - Can we still get and STDs

My husband and I have known each other for almost 6 years and have had sex for 5 and been married for 1 1/2 years, but we've hardly ever used protection. I was tested about 6 or 7 months ago for STD when I was pregnant. It was negative. He's been the only guy I've ever had sex with but he's had 2 other before me. But my question is can we still get STD from just being with each other without protection?

If he has any STDs then you can get them. Sometimes you don't catch them right away but if he does it's a matter of when not if.

Assuming neither of you has an STD and you are both truly faithful then the odds are very low. But keep in mind there remains the remote possibility of contracting one from other non-sexual means then that opens you both up to them. Those odds are low.. but they do exist.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SHY_GIRL89

My husband and i have known each other for almost 6 years and have had sex for 5

Hello Girl:

After 6 years, I think you can pretty much guarantee that your husband DOESN'T have an STD.

So, if YOU don't have one, and HE doesn't have one, there's no way you can infect each other. That IS, assuming you've been faithful.

excon

So he hasn't ever been tested, right?

Well, sure its possible... for ex, studies in major med journals, such as JAMA, report that herpes carriers can shed the virus while being asymptomatic, showing no blisters at the time of shedding... and some carriers simply show no symptoms of carrying the virus at all.

HPV, some forms of which are tied to ovarian cancer, is another ex where he could be exposed and absolutely asymptomatic.

I get that your "spin" is different here... you've been with him for several years, so you are asking whether you could still contract an std after so long together and your testing negative...

The best thing to do is to have him tested. I know this can seem difficult to do... he might take this as a question of infidelity or some attack on his past. I would hope hed be more open about this.

Understanding your (his) medical history/reality helps you understand your position. A large part of the population winds up carrying HPV, for ex, and has no problem with it... simply knowing you are a carrier is part of knowing your medical reality... and I think std screening for a person in a monogamous relationship/marriage should be at least a one time event, if not more (followups)...

Women most often carry the burden of std checkups... men are less likely to receive regular health screenings, let alone std screens. Also, men are more likely to be asymptomatic than women...

So... you don't know what you don't know until you know it, you know?

So... id ask him to have a screening done... not because you don't trust him or you are punishing him for the past... but because until a person has a screening done, they don't know reality.

I cannot give you percentages for how at risk you are. You've been with him for years, and not used protection, so one would assume that you've been "exposed" if he is a carrier... he also had "few" sexual partners before you, so there's less exposure... but it just can't be quantified by talking about it. You certainly are in a "better" position than many if his partners were few, they were less experienced, and you've both been monogamous. "on paper" you seem to be in a good place.

Id hope he would be open to testing as a part of completing his medical history and I hope you continue to be tested in the future. I've played down the "cheating" card because there are good reasons to be tested without bringing it up, but you know some do stray, and checking your sexual health is a part of your med history.

I'm sure he wouldn't mind getting tested. It's just something we've never thought of before. But I definitely agree about getting a check up often I will start doing that. I was just wondering if there was any possibility since I already tested negative.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SHY_GIRL89

i'm sure he wouldn't mind getting tested. it's just something we've never thought of before. But i definitely agree about getting a check up often i will start doing that. I was just wondering if there was any possibility since i already tested negative.

Very glad to hear he would be open to it.

It is not something that is pushed by med providers... but then again, I think most things sexual are avoided by gen practitioners, especially if you are male... which I think is a damn shame, since males can so often be asymptomatic (not that women cannot also).

As mentioned, that you've been with him for so long and you tested negative, and that his number of partners was limited is a good place to start.

Yes you definitely can... Herpes is one of the STD's that can still be caught. One person may not ever show any symptoms but can still be a carrier. Sometimes it takes years after infection for the first symptom to show up! Good luck! Oh a depressing note... some spouses cheat and you never expect it... keep wrapping it up!

Yes you can. But that just one of the risks you have to take with your partner being sexually active. Just try to stay clean and keep your relationship faithful.