My husband and I got married five and a half years ago.
Two days before our wedding a woman comes to his brother's house where we were and hands him a four month old baby and says it's his.
I walked away from the situation but came back because my husband truly didn't believe the child was his. The mother is black my husband is white, the child looked nothing like him but circumstances as they are the baby wouldn't look a lot like him anyway.
She begged him to come back to her and he refused as nicely as possible, telling her that their relationship ended months ago, it was a short relationship of two months where it was not exclusive and he didn't love her.
Two years pass and he is summonded for DNA and child support. He complies. The child is his.
They made contact 18 months ago and she said she was living in a one bedroom apartment with her mother, husband and four kids, including the now three year old, Avery.
He picks up the child from her expecting to have him a few weeks maybe months to get herself on her feet. And yes all this time he's paying child support.
It has been almost two years since Avery has seen his mother. She called and talked to him once in July and a couple of times in October of 2007. All the while we are still being forced by the state to pay child support to the mother which she refuses to return and yes I have taken necessary action to stop it. It has only been two months since they have started paying it back to him after it's taken from his check.
Avery is a VERY disobedient and troubled child. He is not meshing well even after all this time. He refuses to adhere to disipline at home or school. He is in kindergarten and has already been suspended from school three times.
Due to the economic crisis my husband has been forced to take a job that causes him to be gone overseas for a month and then home for a few weeks in a rotation. The mother is not interested in the child. She only called when she realized her child support was stopping to cuss my husband out for not sending her money anymore.
I cannot tolerate this child's behavior. I have tried everything that I can do. Rewards, punishment, bribery, time out, everything. He treats me badly and he doesn't respect anybody. He has only gotten worse since my husband has been gone and he too is fed up with the constant problems. I finally reached his mother last night and told her it was time to take him back. The only thing she is interested in is my husband's paycheck. I have tried to look at all avenues of getting him out of having to pay directly out of his check. Paying child support would ruin us. We have three other children and we are barely making ends meet as it is. We are doing our best to provide for all of our family but I cannot justify paying her a quarter of his income because how then can we support our other three children? Two of mine are not considered in the "child support worksheet" because they are mine but he supports them.
I understand that men have this obligation to support their children. I get that. But when the situation has been that HE never had a choice in whether he wanted the child from the beginning which he did not then why is it that men who don't want these children are forced to sacrific a huge part of their lives and happiness because they are obligated to them. Women have the right to terminate their pregnancies but men have no choice?? And it's all the man's fault that the woman got pregnant to begin with? Because that is what society has been saying. Men have two choices for birth control, abstinence or condoms but women have several choices. Was it not the woman who also laid down and made this child? Why is it that the man is always forced into submission by our legal system? He didn't have the right to an abortion, he has to be subjected to her choice. Now we are left with a child that has been screwed up by this woman or God knows who else and either we pay with our happiness or we pay with our financial stability. Either way we pay. There are women out there fighting for feminist rights. Who is fighting for our men?? There are women who have children by men JUST to get child support and support from welfare! Believe me I have known a lot of them. Why is this OK?? Why are we sitting here watching this happen to our husbands and fathers and brothers? Why is it always said that "he knocked her up" not that "she let herself get pregnant"? Our system is screwed up and someone needs to stop what is going on before the entire concept of "family" is gone. Men forced to pay child support to ex girlfriends or one night stands are having this huge burdon placed upon not just them but the wife and children that they eventually acquire. Does this not say that one child is better than the other? Supporting an estranged child and mother which keeps you from being able to provide the wonderful life you imagined to have with your wife and children? I don't want to raise Avery. I don't think it should be my responsibility. My husband can't because he HAS to have a job. He can't find work in his field in the states. He can't take the child with him. Avery's mother has pretty much abandoned him and if I did try to give him back she is going to break us financially. Are there any other options out there?? What else can be done? I looked into sending him to a boys home for troubled kids but he isn't old enough to go to one. I never could understand why people are punished for not wanting their children but they are and I don't think we deserve it we have done everything we know to do. :( :confused: