Am I the one in the wrong.
You have to be kidding me >< I just wrote an insanely massive post, and I get 'Firefox error and shut down'.
Now I have to repost except this time a Brief one :-(
I have myself in a situation, and I really need help. Here is a rundown on my history with the girl in question.
It started with a one night stand, A girl I barely knew but was attracted to ended up in my bed, and I don't remember how, But I liked the idea and looked forward to where it may go (Im inexperienced with flings etc, Im a relationship kind of guy) She was unsure how it happened also, She said she remembered being interested in me a while before this happened.
But I was crushed when I tried to contact her a few days later or a week, and She just mentioned It wasn't supposed to happen because she was meeting someone off the internet.
This hurt a little, cause I was excited about it.
After a bit, I was seeing someone else, when She had rang me and was thinking of coming around for a few drinks, but I had to say no and explained to her it was because I thought something could happen and I couldn't let that happen to the girl I was seeing at the time.
So we didn't talk again, for a while.
A while later, (I work in a night club) I was single again, and she needed a lift home and being sober, I offered, This ended up leading to her staying at my place for a while in what seemed to be a relationship, (She stayed at my house often, was staying there while I was working, there when I got home, helped tidy up etc) Was a lot of fun, I thought things were going well... Until she mentioned that we weren't actually in a relationship..
Question 1. Was I wrong to assume this was a relationship.
This made me feel uneasy, I don't feel I can trust a girl, if she claims she isn't your Girlfriend. So I begun asking questions about who she was drinking with and who particular guys she mentions are, which lead to her ditching me because she felt trapped and she wanted to be single for that reason, to not feel trapped.
(Some more hurt, I really liked her enough to put off moving interstate)
Not long after that She was all over a guy in front of me at work.
(Kicked into the ground even further)
Later down the track I ended up leaving the state As I had planned before, and she was at my going away drinks/gathering, and we nearly hooked up again, She had said She was confused and didn't know what to do before, she had guys chasing her, and was out of a relationship and just didn't want to answer to anyone. And just wants to be single and have fun.
Then I was gone.
It was nearly a year I was away, a few times we spoke on MSN, sometimes it got a tiny bit dirty (talkin about our past experiences) before quickly changing the subject). Most of it was just Chit chat, how's the weather etc.
It came time for me to move state again (The original move was just to work for a while and visit friends, then was moving to my home state where family are) And I decided to visit friends in this girls state on the way past.. My car broke down so I had to prolong my stay to work and get it fixed before leaving.
In this time this girl had invited me to stay, and catch up etc. And I was very very cautious of this because of the past, in fact I thought I wasn't interested because of the past. But she seemed genuine when she said ditching me was the biggest mistake she made, and that she now wants to be with me in a relationship, I think she actually mentioned she loved me once. But very hesitantly I began to see interest in her again. I just needed to regain my trust. I was staying at her place, and I didn't put as much effort into the relationship as I should have, because I was still very stand offish and wasn't sure if I completely wanted it to work...
Question 2. Was I wrong to feel this cautious and stand offish?
But this lead to arguments about my not pulling my weight and not putting in effort, and arguments popped up about tiny things (She has a short temper and has admitted to it)
And we also both misinterpret each other so many times it's not funny, like we speak different languages (Mainly online communication)
It came time that I was leaving after prolonging my stay for 6 months (again I put off moving interstate for this girl) And due to the arguments, it was on IFFY terms, and we both didn't know what was going to happen but agreed to try to make it work..
BOMBSHELL, A few weeks after I had begun to settle down I found out she was pregnant. This put incredible stress on both of us, considering the fact it was already iffy. I explained to her I still didn't know how I felt about us, and after a while she decided to end it because she didn't like the idea of not knowing if it was going to work or not. I wanted to see her again to make my decision, because Long distance communication is just not our thing.. This lead her to feel abandoned, and all her friends were under the impression that I left her with a child (This was frustrating for me as it wasn't the case) and she even still Talks about how I left her and caused all this pain when she was the one who ended it
Anyway it was decided we would contact each other only to talk about parenting issues.
We had started to talk on a friendly basis after a long time, and I decided to take my holiday hours from work and Visit (A few months ago) to See my child, She had offered a couch to sleep on, I accepted because I wanted to spend as much time as I could with my son as possible.
Things went smoother than I had hoped, I got along well with them both, and She appeared to have matured a lot, having a baby makes people grow up fast I guess. I was even surprised at how Well I took it, Meeting your first baby, for the first time was a really big thing I'm sure you can understand.
Somehow we hooked up again after I discovered a small bit of jealousy on her part (I had found myself attracted to her due to her Changes, and physically because she looked great but just ignored it because of the past until I realized she was interested as well)
This time around it felt comfortable, and it felt right, she told me about a guy she hooked up with recently before I got there (I had suspected this earlier but she told me I was wrong and it was none of my business since we weren't together) when I left it was on good terms, A hug and kiss at the airport to boot (Although not a relationship, it was just a better version of what happened last time I left, this time there were talks of her moving to my state though).. But a few weeks after I left, arguments popped up again. Over everything (We play games online to interact with each other) We argue over games, over misinterpretation. Anything just about.. She still admits her temper takes over and she just can't stop herself saying some of the things she says. And Nothing I do or say can calm her. IF I stay quiet, she think's I'm ignoring her, and makes it worse.
Nevertheless, We come to now, She needs a break from me, and my issues which She says are paranoia and lack of self esteem, and having tickets on myself. How she came to "Tickets" AND "Lack of self esteem" I don't know, I asked her and she just said it's confusing.
Question 3. Am I wrong to be paranoid? She won't classify herself as my GF until I fix these issues she thinks I have, Unless she calls herself my GF I'm going to have that trust issue.
I get the feeling that she doesn't want the obligation to me, and therefore there is nothing stopping her from finding some other guy, and I don't feel the full responsibility in this "relationship" if she's not technically mine, so therefore I can't make her as happy as she wants me to make her.
Quite often she will tell me She hates me, and never wants anything to do with me, and for me to stay out of her life, But the next day she'll talk to me again, and explain it's just her temper, but she does hate the things I say (Which are misinterpreted)
But The Scene right now is She doesn't want me to talk to her unless I Fix my issues, Including my communication issues. It seems the entire blame from these arguments are on me, and I don't think I can fix them if I Don't think it's my fault.
Question 4. Am I arrogant to feel that I'm not entirely at fault here?
Any help or suggestions would be brilliant. Thanks
Feel free to ask questions.