Am I selfish? Right now, I feel that I cannot choose. I am breaking hearts all over the place. I am in a relationship of five years and I am not intimate with my man. I am just not turned on by him anymore. He does those same little touchy feely things he has always done and they are just so boring to me now. Maybe it’s because I am secretly being turned on by someone else.
This other person does everything that I want to be done to me! He takes me to heights that makes me think that only he can. We have crazy amazing sex. We sneak, publicize, and privately satisfy each other far beyond the means of my man and me. He had a girlfriend at first. He broke if off with her. My friend told me that I was partly responsible but we laughed it off. I eventually asked and was told no, but during later conversations it appears that my friend was right. This was absolutely devastating to me. I stayed away for a while with hope that he recanted his decision, but he didn’t. He wanted to spend more and more time with me. We recently had an overnight scenario in which we stayed up all night and day until about 4 p.m. We talked, we laughed, and now that I think back on it, it was probably a really bad idea. He didn’t want me to leave, even though he knew I had someone at home waiting on me.
My boyfriend is totally confused by my change in behavior and lack of intimacy. He wants me to guide him to foreplay and that turns me off before we even get started. He is just asking for my help and I, the person who has spent the last six and a half years with him, won’t even help him or understand or have compassion for him. He is so timid around me. So afraid that he will do the wrong thing, or touch me the wrong way that he is just sick of trying. I don’t want him to feel less of a man. I try to pretend but that’s just not me. I hide my face and try to pretend that I am enjoying it, but we have always looked each other in the face. I don’t even kiss him. I believe this it is the most intimate thing that can be done.
