Hi,

Can anyone help? My husband's dad recently had a stroke and has now unfortunately had to go into a nursing home. Before he had the stroke, I strongly urged my husband to visit him more often seeing he lived on his own. My husband gets to see him in the summer and at christmas time. To him, this is enough. To me, it's way too few times to see a loving parent.

Now that my Father in law is in a nursing home, I expect my husband to visit more often but he doesn't. To be fair, we live very far from the nursing home and train journeys are about 3/4 hours one way. And with work commitments, this gets difficult.

However, what I find strange, is that my husband when he visits. Doesn't get to spend much time with his dad. He probably spends 2 hours if not less and is out. Recently, he's been on holiday and so took the week off to visit his dad. But he saw him alternately. To me this translates to someone who doesn't appreciate the importance of being there for your parent when they need you. I feel so bad, at times, I hate him. WE've argued about it so much and I feel awful. I just want him to be more caring. I know if it were my dad, and he'd been a great parent, I would be there all the time I could and spend at least half a day with him.

Now am worried that if I ever get hospitalised, my husband will not give me the care and attention I feel he should. AM I right to worry or am I expecting too much?
:(

Could your husband maybe not have as good a realationship with his father as you think he does? Or maybe he just finds it uncomfortable with his father being in a nursing home and doesn't know how to deal with the situation.

I agree with posey...

I assume you know what kind of relationship he has with his father, but perhaps there are things he hasn't told you, things he doesn't like to discuss or care to think about?

He might also not like seeing his father in that state. Chances are, he still sees his father as a source or strength and it's a hard situation for him...

Have you ever asked why it is that he doesn't wish to spend more time with his father? Did you tell him your concerns about yourself?

My dear, you should drop this whole line of thinking, and forget it.