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-   -   Need advice (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=26257)

  • May 17, 2006, 05:18 PM
    frizzle fry
    Need advice
    Well here's my situation, I've been friends with this girl for the last nine months.
    (we are friends, but there's more their, friends in a way I could never be with a guy,or for that fact more than any female friends I've ever had)
    We get along real good with each other and we always hang out, pretty much inseparable, but here's the problem, on a couple diff occasions she's pissed me off so bad I told her I never wanted to see or speak to her again, (for instance she straight ditched me at a bar one time, that got me raging, or we will be somewhere and shell run into to her friends and she will ignore me, which she knows pisses me off) Then for like a week we won't talk, but after that she finds a way to creep back in my life. Like texting me or just stopping by my house, then we start hanging out again. Every time I've tried to end it with her I
    Told her I'm not coming back as a friend, that I can't settle for being friends with her, which would make me think she wants the same thing, hence her coming back always trying to patch it up, I just don't know what to do, she knows how I feel and what I want, but for some reason she just won't bring it to the next level, thanks in advance hope there's enough info here
  • May 17, 2006, 07:46 PM
    toohz
    Sounds like she doesn't want commitment. Some girls hang onto guys because at bars and clubs this draws attention from other men. She knows how you feel yet it sound like she is disrespecting that. I feel from what you have said that she is just plain out there USING YOU. I know this isn't what you would like to hear but she has no repect for how you are feeling (leaving you alone when other friends come along) Ultimatly it is up to you on what you do but I think this girl could be more trouble than its worth. I think staying friends would be a wise move...
    (this is my opinion and every one is entitled to their own)
  • May 17, 2006, 11:25 PM
    educatedhorse_2005
    Is this the same friend in your first post.
    It sounds to me like you need to move on. From what I have read all you do is fight. That is not good for anybody. What do you mean by There is more there. Are you talking about some kind of attraction. If you are don't fall into her trap she will use and forget you and you will be heart broken in the end.
  • May 18, 2006, 01:46 AM
    Krs
    If you have feelings for her, meaning you want her more than a friend, just be careful, from the bit you wrote I expect you do!

    You can either just play it cool, how she treats you - you treat her, but if you're getting hurt because she leaves you by the bar alone when she meets her friends, then be strong and don't go out with her alone.
  • May 18, 2006, 06:03 AM
    fredg
    Hi, frizzle,
    A good relationship requires having trust, compromise, caring, and wanting the other person to be happy; going out of their way to help the other enjoy being with each other.
    Does this relationship meet all of the above? Doesn't sound like it.
    You get mad easily? She then gets mad at you?
    You might take a look at what you are getting mad about; is it something you two can compromise on? Is it something you want YOUR way, and won't change? Or is it her?
    I personally would move on, find some new friends, and take a look at how you treat others (not saying you treat them badly). SMILE, when you meet someone, and listen to them talk about themselves. You willl have more girls as friends than you know what to do with... that's a fact, IF, you don't argue with them. Best wishes, and I hope you have some very good luck. We make our own luck.
  • May 18, 2006, 07:55 AM
    phillysteakandcheese
    Only you can let this woman play Yo-Yo with your feelings.

    If you are going to say "I never want to see you again", you better mean it. It seems like you are saying it, but you both know you don't mean it, which allows her to "creep back" to you.

    Every time you do that, she looses a little respect for you. She knows she can manipulate you into letting her back, and I bet at a deep level you are also resentful that you're allowing this pattern to perpetuate.

    If she won't be more than friends - which is what you really want - you're going to have to be strong and move on.

    You'll just be pulled back and fourth like the Yo-Yo if you don't do something about it.
  • May 18, 2006, 08:35 AM
    talaniman
    No one can do anything to you unles you let them,If you let them do what they want to you ,don't blame them do something about it!:cool:
  • May 18, 2006, 02:52 PM
    HarryPT
    Well I think you got 2 options
    1. tell her how you feel or
    2. simply don't go out with her... seems like when you guys are just by yourselves you don't have any problems.
  • May 18, 2006, 05:54 PM
    s_cianci
    If, as you say, she knows how you feel and what you want but "just won't bring it to the next level" then you need to consider the possibility that it may not be meant to be. Evidently her behavior makes you uncomfortable. That's not to say that she's right or wrong but why do you want to be so close to this person? It sounds like the two of you really aren't all that compatible. Frankly I wouldn't get my hopes too high and not expect too much in this situation.
  • May 18, 2006, 05:56 PM
    s_cianci
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by toohz
    sounds like she doesn't want commitment. some girls hang onto guys because at bars and clubs this draws attention from other men. she knows how you feel yet it sound like she is disrespecting that. I feel from what you have said that she is just plain out there USING YOU. I know this isn't what you would like to hear but she has no repect for how you are feeling (leaving you alone when other friends come along) Ultimatly it is up to you on what you do but I think this girl could be more trouble than its worth. I think staying friends would be a wise move...
    (this is my opinion and every one is entitled to their own)

    This is probably exactly the case, unfortunately. (Tried to rate you toohz but got the "spread it around" jazz.)
  • May 19, 2006, 12:03 PM
    Chery
    Dear frizzle_fry,

    Some women are still immature and insecure in what they want in their lives and this one seems to be one of them. She obviously cannot commit herself to either aspect of this. She cannot say "No, I don't want more from this relationship." or, "I don't know what I want just yet, just know that I want you around when I need you.", or "Every time I purposely make you mad at me, I regret it and feel guilty."

    In other words, she is still confused about herself and cannot therefore be sure of what she wants in any relationship. If you want to hang around until she grows up, that's your choice, but please don't hold your breath.

    You'd be better off saving your strength and emotions for someone who is worth your time and energy. Even if you do get together, you'll wonder why she played you in front of her friends, and the trust will be gone - if it was ever there. Do you even trust the friendship with her fully, or do you need to be on guard there too?

    For what it's worth, my advice is to keep her at a distance, look for someone who knows what she has in you and knows what she wants - and is willing to share all in a relationship.

    Good luck dear, and keep us posted.

    http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif If playing games and being constantly stressed is not for you, move on to a better relationship.

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