Ask Me Help Desk - Confusing relationship?

I'm 20 and a college student. I've been dating this guy for almost five months and we're on summer break right now. We started dating/being in a relationship toward the end of the last semester and things were great. I saw him about three times per week or so, which was ideal for me so I could balance my school work. I ended up having sex and losing my virginity to him before the summer.

When we separated for the summer, we kept in contact for a while. Initially I wanted to hear from him every day, but this was a new relationship and I didn't want to seem clingy. So we would text a few times per week and he would usually call me about once per week. Well, at some point he stopped calling me. It's been over a month now and I haven't heard from him. I've been the one to pursue the contact the last few times and I inevitably just got fed up and stopped trying to contact him. I just assumed he would contact me, but he hasn't.

A good friend of mine thinks he may have been cheating on me -- there isn't any proof, but he insists that this guy probably wasn't faithful if he hasn't been in touch. I don't really know what to think. For a while, I felt really used and somewhat upset about it but now I've started not to care at all. I saw this as a relationship, but now I'm starting to think he sees this as a friends with benefit scenario. I don't know how I feel about that, given this is my first (supposed) real relationship in some time. And I also don't know how to respond/react to him if he contacts me back on campus.

Ideas? Thoughts?

You don't know what he is doing, or thinking, so don't assume. Call ,and find out, but I would imagine if he had an interest, he would have contacted you. Find out, and then you'll have an idea of what the next step for you would be.

Quote:

I've been the one to pursue the contact the last few times and I inevitably just got fed up and stopped trying to contact him. I

Do you mean texts or phone calls?? Did he reply??

Relationships are based on communication. You two aren't communicating. You're not in a relationship. Seriously... a month! Could you let even 3 days go by without saying "hi" to someone you were in love with? Of course not.

So, sure, you can keep after him with "are we together or not" queries, but you already know the answer. No need to be fatalistic about it.

You didn't "lose your virginity" to this guy, you gave it to him willingly. It wasn't misplaced, you chose it, enjoyed it, experienced it, and now you're both on to other things, right?

Take the reins off this horse and stable it. Put your mind and energies into other people and other endeavors. You don't even need to get mad at this guy. Many guys are cowards in the breakup department. It's sad, but its understandable. People want to avoid discomfort and some guys simply flat out DO avoid it by ignoring it.

Just accept it and try to hold onto the fond memories so your memories of "your first time" and perhaps your first love can be good memories. No need to disparage it just because it's over.

Take care.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You don't know what he is doing, or thinking, so don't assume. Call ,and find out, but I would imagine if he had an interest, he would have contacted you. Find out, and then you'll have an idea of what the next step for you would be.

Do you mean texts or phone calls???? Did he reply????

I texted him a few times, he responded but I had to initiate it. And then I called him -- he had been the one to call me during the summer, so I felt that I should call him. The call was a bit awkward and he said he'd talk to me later. I didn't hear from him, so a few days later I texted him to see how everything was and I didn't receive a response. That was about four weeks ago. I have refused to be in touch since then

I think you have to wait and see what happens when you return to campus.

Your imagination can run away with you when truethfully no one knows what he's been doing.

The fact that he's not contacted you indicates that, maybe it's over and he's just got on with his life.
Perhaps he took it less seriously than you did.

Again I am only assuming, I could be totally wrong.

I think you need to not dwell on this situation,go out with your friends and enjoy the rest of your holiday... I'm sure he is

Quote:

That was about four weeks ago. I have refused to be in touch since then

Sounds as if you both stopped trying, and this thing died.

It sounds as though the relationship has died, neither of you put work into it until it was too late. Use this as a lesson learned, relationships take work, especially ones with long distance involved