I have been dating this guy for about 10 months now. I am a very independent and laid back person. He on the other hand is very insecure. Our relationship has been going really well and we rarely get into arguments. When we do argue it's because He wants me to tell him all the time that I need him and love him and constantly reassure him. I have never given him anything to be insecure about. He has been married 2 times before me and I think he was insecure like this in those relationships. Is it me, or is he acting like a child does when they constantly need reassurance? I can't give him the reassurance that he constantly needs. I have never had to do that in a relationship and don't know if I am capable of doing that. I have been on my own for a while now and am very independent and reserved. Do you think that he needs some kind of therapy about his insecurity issues? Or do I need it because I am to independent?

Thanks
Abbyrocky

He may need some therapy to deal with past hurts and broken marriages. I don't know that there is therapy for being too independent. That's a good thing. Your independent and self assured. It's very possible that he has had heartache's in the past. My guess is that in time he will come around if you continue to support him and not draw additional attention to the "lack of strength". The arguments that you are having now about his insecurity will potentially grow into bigger ones. You growing more resentful that he is unable to "buck up". As much as you enjoy him, it's possible that you are better suited for someone that has the self assurance that you do so that you don't feel that you are caring for him too much. However, in a relationship there is some times a need to give a little, it's your job to decide what is too much.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by rockyabby

I have been dating this guy for about 10 months now. I am a very independent and laid back person. He on the other hand is very insecure. Our relationship has been going really well and we rarely get into arguments. When we do argue it's because He wants me to tell him all the time that I need him and love him and constantly reassure him. I have never given him anything to be insecure about. He has been married 2 times before me and I think he was insecure like this in those relationships. Is it me, or is he acting like a child does when they constantly need reassurance? I can't give him the reassurance that he constantly needs. I have never had to do that in a relationship and don't know if I am capable of doing that. I have been on my own for a while now and am very independent and reserved. Do you think that he needs some kind of therapy about his insecurity issues? Or do I need it because I am to independent?

Thanks
abbyrocky

---

There is a very similar post by a woman whose husband is jealous and insecure and is - literally - destroying her emotionally. I'm not sure that these issues don't just get worse.

I would be worried about two previous marriages.

I would say he's the one who needs to talk to someone.

And some people are like sponges - the more emotional support you give them the more they soak up and the more they want.

I definitely suggest some therapy. If your relationship doesn't work out imagine what he'll think. If you are constantly reassuring him and telling him that you need him and you still break up he'll start thinking that even that constant reassurance won't guarantee your love. He'll just get worse and worse till he gets therapy.

I have a very different idea that I think might help both of you out. Actually, I think I saw Bluerose give this advice about a year ago, so she probably deserves the credit but I think it could work for you. Sit him down and tell him that you are like and appreciate everything about him but the fact that you have to reassure him. Let him know that you believe this stems from the 2 previous divorces (your not blaming him and in fact you are siding with him and against the two ex's so points in your favor). You want this relationship to grow and you know that he is capable of doing that (again all positive), but you would like to offer him this book Amazon.com: The Self-Esteem Workbook: Glenn R. Schiraldi: Books. The link is for the self-esteem workbook. I've never read it so I can't comment on it but it's something you can offer him and still be siding with him.