Hello everyone,
Iam writing to you cause I need some suggestions or advice.. I have been married to my husband just 2months now and he hasn't yet come inside me.. His fear before was the fact that he could get me pregnant so he would finish it outside when he would feel it coming-but now after we're married Ive been taking birth control and Ive actually been wanting him to come inside but he still comes outside.. He has also a problem with keeping himself hard, but even though I try all the methods(putting sexy oufits, doing different positions etc.) he still has trouble keeping his thing hard.. He needs to really concentrate, and can't have any distractions (no touching his face, holding his hand etc.) this is so he won't lose his hardness during sex.. He also has masturbated a lot before he meet me, so I was wondering that that's probably the reason why he can't come inside-cause he is so use to masturbating himself.. but isn't intercourse suppose to be more pleasurable for a man than having himself masterbate while reaching his peek? Is this normal for him to have? Could the reason be another woman? We've been together since 2007 and he has never come inside me not even once.. Is their any reason to this? Is this something that I should be worried about? Could it be that he is hiding a disease of some sort that can be transmitted by the fluids that comes out when he peeks and that's why he doesn't want to come? Could it be that I don't turn him on? Maybe, Iam overthinking too much-thats the problem with me.. Iam just so confused, help.. any advice?

P.S. I have spoken to him about it several times, and his response is always that he is afraid to get me pregnant (even if I am taking the pill) or he tells me that why is it so important for me for him to come inside-that what's the big deal

Let me take a shot at this.

The pill is not 100% effective but close. That might be on his mind. But you may have hit upon the reason when his difficulty keeping a stiffy. That's not normal but then you did not specify his age. I am assuming he is somewhat under 40 rather than more elderly.

He is 25.. I've heard that many young men have that problem but isn't sure

A husband is a wonderful relationship to have; you should devote part of yourself to taking care of his well being as well as he should love and care for you.

I caution you from approaching any subject regarding your husband with a blaming frame of mind. I am *not* saying you are doing that; I'm just giving you a caution. Always, a 'how can I help attitude', and you will almost guarantee a happy life. :)

Anyway, I think if I were you, I would drop the subject for a couple of months, and think of other things this summer that you can enjoy doing... I think you two are having an issue in the trust department.

Or, it could be something else.

Several issues, you do know that "pulling out" is not a birth control method and there is still plenty of sperm in the early fluids to get prenant, so pulling out was not helping, it was just luck that you did not get pregnant before.

But yes, several things, first disease will transmit in any of the fluids, so if he is protecting that, like he was birth control, you need to be checked.

But I would say that I bet he looks at a lot of porn, in porn the men always pull out and also if he mastrbates a lot, he gets used to only getting off with that feel, and he will have trouble borth staying hard and finsihing without using his hand.

So for him, stop the porn, and stop masturbation,

I've looked at more than my share of porn over the years. And having been single till my late 20's I've also done my fair share of "spanking the monkey".

Trust me in that intercourse (or even oral) is far more pleasurable. And to finish in any one of the three body orifices is more pleasurable. No I haven't had to do it myself in many years, that is the least best option.

At 25 he should have no problems. If he hasn't had a complete physical recently he should get one to be certain he has no undiagnosed conditions.

I think we are looking at a situation that requires counselling. He has some real (strange) fears about getting you pregnant?

Have you tried giving him oral? How about getting him close to orgasm by masturbating then completing the act inside you?

For reference

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/pregna...nt-125689.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ex-149094.html

Well... from two of your other posts you stated that you don't reach orgasm with another man inside you... and then you state your boyfriend, now hubby, almost came inside you and you were worried about conception.

What's "normal" concerning sex? Well... were I to judge each new lover based on the previous one id go mad. There is no one perfect answer. Some men in their 50's have steel piercing hard ons and some 20 year olds have ED. And visa versa. Some women can absolutely get off with intercourse, some prefer oral, some struggle no matter what.

If he honestly is concerned about your getting pregnant... and birth control isn't 100% effective (my son is proof of that)... mental blocks can be killer on libido.

That said... when he has intercourse do you ever ask him to make it all about him... that is, to not hold back for you? Sometimes the mental blocks a man needs to put in place to delay orgasm can be hard to remove...

So... how can he reach orgasm? You mention self stimulation. Is he still a frequent "problem solver"? What about oral? Does he ever initiate sex or do you?

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Originally Posted by Xrayman

Have you tried giving him oral? how about getting him close to orgasm by masturbating then completing the act inside you?

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I agree with "Xrayman"

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Originally Posted by happy_jester

I agree with "Xrayman"

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Happy, you can agree by hitting the "rate" button, that helps...

My husband also used pull out of me just before he would ejaculate or when he could feel he was just about to ejaculate. Even though I was also on the pill he was still afraid that if he'd come inside me I would become pregnant. In the beginning it didn't worry me too much as I also wasn't ready to become pregnant. But recently its been a problem as I am wanting to have a child and he would never ejaculate in me.
Yes, he also masturbates a lot and he watches porn. And funny enough he also takes a lot of time and effort and concentration in reaching his peak.
All I can say that try a lot of foreplay before even beginning to have sex. I know my husband really loves oral as well. He has to focus a lot and I know he enjoys watching sexy stuff to help himself. As our aim now IS to try and become pregnant he really tries to come in me. Also, because he is used to masturbating, he does a combination of having sex with me and using his hand to try and stimulate himself more. It will take a lot of time, energy and practice and frustration on both your parts, but try and be patient with him and try and be supportive. If there's anything else you would like to ask, I will try and reply to the best of my experience.

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Originally Posted by R2A0V

My husband also used pull out of me just before he would ejaculate or when he could feel he was just about to ejaculate. Even though I was also on the pill he was still afraid that if he'd come inside me I would become pregnant. In the beginning it didn't worry me too much as I also wasn't ready to become pregnant. But recently its been a problem as I am wanting to have a child and he would never ejaculate in me.
Yes, he also masturbates alot and he watches porn. And funny enough he also takes alot of time and effort and concentration in reaching his peak.
All I can say that try a lot of foreplay before even beginning to have sex. I know my husband really loves oral as well. He has to focus a lot and I know he enjoys watching sexy stuff to help himself. As our aim now IS to try and become pregnant he really tries to come in me. Also, because he is used to masturbating, he does a combination of having sex with me and using his hand to try and stimulate himself more. It will take a lot of time, energy and practice and frustration on both your parts, but try and be patient with him and try and be supportive. If there's anything else you would like to ask, I will try and reply to the best of my experience.

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Now THIS does point towards him needing counseling as this problem certainly appears to be in his head (the one on his shoulders).

For a guy the desire to impregnate a woman can be very strong, either way... And for women, too, the desire to get pregnant can be strong, or not at all. One girl I knew in high school, as I found out later, never had sex in school, or in college even, because she was terrified of getting pregnant. I hear she eventually did once she was on the pill and he used a condom and they used foam, no joke. And then it caused problems. If he has a kinky side, or adventurous side, maybe talk about how it's roleplaying, maybe? That he knows you aren't able to get pregnant... I really don't know. I'm just throwing things out there. It seems it is probably all psychological. Roleplaying and also talking, taking things relaxed and slow in bed, just having fun, could be key. Who knows.