So my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me after we had a bunch of stupid fights. We really didn't fight all the time. The times we were not fighting were always great and we got along so well and grew so close. But now it's over. While we were trying to talk things out, he was saying how breaking up would be for the best. I began to cry. I told him that our fights were all stupid and we can get through this, just like we have in the past. I told him that I love him and he said that he loves me too, so I said "if we still love each other, then why should we end this?" He answered with, "because we are just going to get in more fights and make ourselves miserable." I began to cry harder and told him that I would be miserable without him. I told him that I love him again and he said, "i love you too, but i think this is for the best." He started crying and told me to stop crying because I was making it harder for him. He hugged me really tight and cried on my shoulder. I tried to plead with him and say that he didn't have to do this, but he told me to be quiet and hold him, so I did. We held each other close and cried for some time. Finally I decided that I should not try to argue with him if he insisted that we break up. I didn't want to make him do something that he didn't want to do.

Strangely, we walked me out to my car and kissed me goodbye. It wasn't a little wimpy im-kissing-you-because-i-have-to kind of kiss. It was a long, passionate kiss, and neither of us wanted to let go. We finally did and I got into my car. He told me to make sure to buckle up and drive safe. His voice was shaky and I could tell that he was holding back tears. At school the next day we walked to our classes and talked like we normally did, minus the hand-holding and little kiss goodbye. I even tried a little experiment. We have a class together along with a couple of his guy friends. We would normally walk together separate from the guys. So I decided to take a little longer to leave the classroom and see if he would leave with his guy friends or wait for me. To my surprise, he waited for me.

So now I'm a little confused. Clearly, he still cares about me, but I don't want to get my hopes up and then get let down. I really love him and want him back. How can I go about doing that?

You both sound confused. Im a little confused too to tell you the truth. I don't know how he actually feels or what he is thinking, or his reasons for doing this. The only person that does know this is him. I think the best thing you can do is nothing for a little while. Let the emotions calm down and give him and yourself some time to think and assess things? How old are you both?

As I said give it some time and when your thinking a little clearer perhaps an honest and forthright discussion is needed to see how he actually feels.

I know it hurts but try and concentrate on other things for a little while. Pressuring him and demanding answers may not be the best way to go about things right now. But eventually you may need to get some clarity on things. But be prepared, it may not be what you want to hear. You may be looking at things differently than they actually are.

Good luck!

Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it. We are 18. I was planning on giving it a little time before I try and talk to him about it. Until I do that I was planning on sticking to our casual, friendly conversation. That sounds pretty safe, right? A lot of other sites say to cut off all communication, but I'm thinking that's probably not a good solution to my situation... or am I wrong?

Please go to the following page and read the very first sticky...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/

While your are at it, read the next three after it too. We've been there, done that and know what turmoil grows inside you. It hurts.. and takes time to clear your head and reflect some on who you are and what you want in life.

We will be here to support you in your decision, but read those stickies first to get a glimps of what you might experience and make it easier for you to cope knowing that you are not alone.

Good luck dear, and get back with us.

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The problem here is your belief that your love is enough to make a relationship work. It's not, he knows it full well and is smart enough to call it for it is. You're not there yet.

In fact, people who don't like each other at all (arranged marriages) can make a total go of a long life together, the love actually grows much later.

But here in America we've falsely idolized the concept of love to the point we ignore the reality we live in.

He's not confused at all. He loves you, acknowledges your love for him, and says it's over because this particular choice isn't about love. It's about making each other better when you're this close together.

You BOTH know you don't seem to have the skills together to enhance each other, but he's the only one willing to say "enough". Well, good for him.

Once you get over the confusion caused by mixing the idea of love with actual compatibility (not the same thing at all), you will start to feel better and understand how he is able to be this way. It is very mature of him, actually.

And at that point, perhaps you'll get your friend back.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

The problem here is your belief that your love is enough to make a relationship work. It's not, he knows it full well and is smart enough to call it for it is. You're not there yet.

In fact, people who don't like each other at all (arranged marriages) can make a total go of a long life together, the love actually grows much later.

But here in America we've falsely idolized the concept of love to the point we ignore the reality we live in.

He's not confused at all. He loves you, acknowledges your love for him, and says it's over because this particular choice isn't about love. It's about making each other better when you're this close together.

You BOTH know you don't seem to have the skills together to enhance each other, but he's the only one willing to say "enough". Well, good for him.

Once you get over the confusion caused by mixing the idea of love with actual compatibility (not the same thing at all), you will start to feel better and understand how he is able to be this way. It is very mature of him, actually.

And at that point, perhaps you'll get your friend back.

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My dear JB.. you really need to start on writing that book A.S.A.P.

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In my experience of watching my friends go through similar problems, I have found that the best method for getting back together with a guy is to leave it up to him. Don't worry it's easier than it sounds. First thing to do is to stop pressuring him to get back together. If you seem desperate it gives the impression that you're still frazzled from the break up and you aren't thinking clearly. Then, spend less time with him (ignore him if you have to). Act like he isn't the most important thing in your life. That will force him to realize how he feels without you around. It sounds like you both love each other still so that will make things a lot easyer. Good luck.

Well we're back together now.

Here's what I did:
I would always be on my phone texting in front of him (even though it was just my girlfriends... but he didn't know that!) and tried extra hard to joke around and be a little bit flirty with other guys. Eventually he got mad at how fast he thought I was moving on and I said to him that he obviously still cares about me and I still care about him so why aren't we together? We didn't talk for a day and then the day after that he came to me and told me that he did some thinking and said that he was an idiot and he couldn't imagine himself with anyone else. It felt good because HE came to me and decided on HIS own without me even having to confront him about. We talked about our issues that caused our breakup and I'm hoping things will be a lot better this time around because we both learned a lot from it.

As weird as it sounds, I think our little break was good for us. I think we needed to take a step back and realize that we were taking each other for granted and that the things we fought about were not even worth it.

Hopefully this will help other people in similar situations

Congrats! Glad to hear it worked out for you in the end.