Originally Posted by MRodriguez2392
I am the mother of a 33-year old daughter. She had a normal childhood and up until the age of 16, she was the “almost” perfect daughter (her grades in school were not the greatest, but she managed). At 16, she got involved with a boy who lived in the neighborhood’s home for boys. He came from a broken family and was very dysfunctional. We opposed that relationship, but she claimed she was in love with him and was going to see him no matter what. She began to ditch school and sneak out at night to sneak into his room at the boys’ home. At age 17, she moved out with him to his sister’s apartment. She eventually called and asked us to pick her up and bring her home. She lived with us until she was 18 and then moved out.
By this time she had broken up with her boyfriend. She then met her husband-to-be and fell madly in love with him. She got pregnant and moved in with him to his parents’ home. After 3 years, they married, bought a home and settled down. She got pregnant again, and moved to a larger home. After the second baby was born, she came to me to tell me that she did not want to be married any more. She confessed that she had had an affair and was not in love with her husband any more. What she didn’t tell me is that the affair was with a woman – her boss. Neither she nor her husband never mentioned it to us. The way I found out is at her 30th birthday party at my house, she invited this woman to her birthday party, and one of my guests saw them kissing on the side of my house. I was completely and utterly shocked, disappointed, sad, angry, you name it. Yet, I didn’t mention it to her or her husband. She (and her husband) started counseling, but eventually he stopped going and she was going to counseling alone. He told he he wanted to stay married and work things out, but my daughter refused to give him a chance. He did have some faults – lazy, unmotivated, certainly not husband material – things I could see in him from the very start of their courtship, but she is not the type of person who would listen to her mother’s advice.
Her husband knew about the affair, but never said anything to us. Eventually they separated, sold their home and went their separate ways. My daughter started changing (and has completely changed). She used to be happy-go-lucky, always laughing, enthusiastic about life, very close to us – she and her family would visit almost every weekend. She started changing by not staying in touch, was always on the phone or texting, seemed worried, sad or angry, didn’t smile, didn’t laugh.
Today, she spends every waking moment with this woman. She has introduced the kids to her as her “best friend” and she, this woman and the kids are going everywhere together. They take the kids to Disneyland often and other amusement parks, zoo, trips, parties. For all intents and purposes, this woman replaced her husband.
Today, she knows that I know and that has created a HUGE discord among us. She knows that I don’t accept her relationship with this woman. My main reason for not accepting is that the kids are in her life, and were there before this woman. I worry that they will be stigmatized by this relationship and will suffer. The girls go to private school and most of their friends have two parents and most of their activities are centered around the church, school and sports. I fear that they will be mistreated if any of their friends know that their mother is in a relationship with another woman.
Bottom line, my daughter hates me for not accepting her relationship, and I have no relationship with her. She didn’t even call me for Mother’s Day. Whatever relationship we have is completely superficial. Whatever communication we have is usually about the kids. We have never sat down to discuss her lifestyle change. In her words, this is “none of [my] business” and this is her “life” and not “open for discussion.” I have written her countless of emails stating my position and my concern about the kids, and she basically has written me off as her mother. As long as I don’t accept her woman, she will hate me.
Since she and her husband share visitation, and she and this woman plan all these fun activities with the kids, my husband and I seldom get to see the kids. Lately, she asked me to give her some dates when we are available and she will see what she can do to allow us to see the kids.
