Originally Posted by jrebel7
I do understand what you are saying here. Each of us has our own needs. Apparently your friends have not been in a relationship where they felt what you feel. They may someday and then they will understand but until then, until it becomes their reality, they won't. Just don't be fearful to tell him. Always communicate with the person in your life. If they can't deal with what you share, then they are not the one for you. I am not taking lightly your fears and being yelled at by your friends is so belittling on their part and makes you feel you are in the wrong. Friends should be supportive of you and what you are feeling even if they don't understand it or agree with it. They can share with you, they feel this way or that but to yell at you about it............sounds like toxic friends to me.
Take a step back emotionally and see if you feel what you require in this relationship is too needy and obsessive. If you feel it is, work on requiring less but if not, then move on.
I am a real hugger. I have always needed lots and lots of hugs. My husband is more of a loner type. For years, we had this similar discussion where he would say, "You wouldn't be happy if I was holding you and loving on you 24/7." I would apologize, feel badly, feel I was asking for too much. Years later down the road, I got it straight in my head. God gives us each other and says we are too meet each other's needs. One day, on one of his little dissertations on me needing too much hugs, etc., I boldy, without emotion said to him, "You know what? For years I have apologized for always wanting hugs and to be held by you and for years you have said, "You wouldn't be happy unless.....blah, blah, blah." Well, we are to meet each other's need and we each have a responsibility to tell each other what our needs are so we can meet them. What are your needs? I will do my best to meet them." He didn't have much to say. I then told him what my needs are to be content and happy in our relationship. I told him I no longer will apologize for it. Those are my needs. If you meet them, you do, if not, I will deal with it." I have not one time in the rest of the years of marriage ever heard him say anything about me needing too many hugs. I do try to give him some space if he seems to need quiet and solitude but I did before also. I think the difference was that I spoke my mind, without emotions getting in the way. I believe he realized he had been a bit unfair also. We have been married now 11 months and 37 years! He needs as many hugs as I do now. He just wasn't use to so much hugging from the way he was raised. I didn't get hugged either when being raised, just a pat on the shoulder but even then, I told my parents, NO, I need a bear hug. They did it but with disdain and kidded me about it but we have to let others know what we need to feel whole. Yes, we should feel whole without any one else. That is true. But we are talking relationship here.
I know you may be thinking, this is a person who is speaking from a marriage standpoint but honestly, I believe it is the same in all relationships, you have to communicate with each other. He needs to share with you what he doesn't want and does want in a realtionship then you can make decisons to stay or move on.
A person does not have to date someone who makes them feel unwanted. Too many other choices are out there. :)
