Could my 7 year old be showing signs of Conduct Disorder?
First of all, I would like to thank everyone who sheds some light on my situation in advance. I suppose I should start with some background, in hopes it will help people to understand things more in depth. I have been with my wife since May of 2004, and we have been married for about a year and a half. We were serious from the get-go, and at the time when I met her she had one child from her previous marriage, who was 3 years old. I have been in this child's life since that point. When I met my wife, her ex-husband was one of those types who only had involvement when it was convenient for him, so my daughter never really had the father figure until I came into the picture. I have tried my best to instill morals, responsibility, and good judgment in her these past four years. Now, we have two other children; an 18 month old girl, and a 6 month old boy.
She is now 7 years old, and in the first grade. I have research numerous behavioral disorders, and while she is showing signs of some of them, mainly Conduct Disorder, she also strictly defies them. She is a perfect angel at school. Her teacher says she is the most well behaved student in her class, and boasts about how wonderful and helpful she is. When she is not at school, and with us, she is repeatedly defiant against both of us. We will tell her to stop doing something, and she will give us a blank stare and continue, until we scream at her to stop and finally on the fourth or fifth time of being told to stop doing something, she quits. Yesterday we were in Sam's Club shopping and our 18 month old ran loose of us and my daughter chased after her. The little one fell down, and my daughter tried picking her up in fear that someone would hit her with a cart or bump into her or something. I was maybe 2 feet from her and told her to stop, about six times, until I had to scream at her to stop trying to lift her sister from the floor by her shirt and bring attention to us by everyone around us.
Things like this happen on a dialy basis. She will be told to stop doing something, but refuses. We have threatened every kind of punishment imaginable, followed through on most of them, and still nothing works. She makes straight A's in school, is very bright, which puzzles me. She has NO problems understanding right and wrong, and for the most part she is a very good girl, except for this desire to disobey us. It used to only be with me, but now she rarely listens to my wife either. I can't understand what is happening, and it is putting a huge strain on my family. She also has a very big problem with lying, and ignoring us as well. She tunes us out when we lecture her, and so forth. She understands authority, as I work for the police department as a dispatcher and am currently in the process of joining the academy. My father is a police officer as well as other members of the family. My wife and I seem to be the only people that she disobeys to this extent. I understand that she is young and immature, but why does she do this to us? She gets attention, and plenty of it, from everyone in her life. She still gets treated like she was still the only grandchild.
Could someone please give me some suggestions on what to do? I don't like to spank my children, and have only spanked her ONCE, and she was VERY well behaved for a few days, but I don't want to have to result to violence to make my child behave.
