Hurt- Relationship feels almost done- want it alive
Ok. So I've dated this girl for 2+ years. We spent close to every day together for all that those 2 years. She really enhanced my life and made it more fun and gave it a real purpose and that's why every day was a choice to spend with her. We were like 2 happy children together for about the first year. We used to have great sex and were quite affectionate with each other. Over about the last 9 months I have felt completley pushed away by her. I feel like my presence is a nuisance and she has never once pursued sex with me. I have to complain about how I feel pushed away and bring it to her attention that we haven't had sex for however long (ex. 2 months) in order for her to do anything. This has hurt me tremendously but I stuck with her because I love her. I didn't want to be superficial and breakup over sex. But not having it or affectionate really brought to my attention the importance to me in a healthy relationship. She's been very closed off to me. The fights have increased over the last year and we haven't been able to communicate very healthy during an argument. I feel I'm not the problem. She gets overly frustrated and doesn't want to talk things to death. But I feel things are not solved unless they are discussed and put to rest. But communication I was willing to work on with her because I lover her.
2 weeks ago she tells me she wants time off to think and leaves the house that we live in together to live at her moms. After 2 weeks apart she then she breaks up with me. Her reasoning is that I treat her disrespectfully? This is new to me but I tell her I will do anything for her and will ensure that I never disrespect her again as long as she brings to my attention what I'm doing that she feels disrespected by? I ended up begging to get her back. The only reason she took me back I think is because I told her that if she doesn't want to fight through this hurdle in the relationship together then I can't have her as a friend in my life till I get over her. She calls me the next day and I repeat to her that I can't have her calling me if I'm going to get over her. She tells me she wants me in her life and I tell her she can have me but all of me if she wants to work as a couple in solving it. She tells me she still needs her space but maybe that's a better idea. So we get back together. But she needs alone time still now. She no longer lives at our house and doesn't call me everyday and doesn't have a desire to see me everyday. It's put me in a real desperate position where I need her so bad and she needs only herself. And she still doesn't have a desire to sleep with me? How is this a relationship still? I feel like this is just a friendship? I'm in so much agonizing pain away from her. And I call her crying wondering why she doesn't miss me. How 2 years can go by and she can just desire to be completely away from me. She claims that she's in love with me still and wants this to work but needs time alone. Her only excuse is that I was disrespectful to her? The only concrete examples are some rude things I said to her about her being sexless because we weren't ever having sex anymore. Not even a cuddly caress. She was devoid of affection. And I'm a real affectionate guy..
Part of me doesn't believe that she wants a relationship to work. I think that this is just her way of moving on without me while still having me for a friend until she gets over me completely. And the whole time I'm left hoping one day something will flash in her and she'll be right back to normal... We'll be happy again.. having sex, being respectfull, living life in love as a happy couple again.
What should I do here? I need help. I'm in so much hurt and pain. Should I just break it off and not give her the time she needs alone if she's not being sexual with me and treating me like we're in a relationship?
There's the whole element of you want what you can't have.. so if I'm too available and always crying and in pain then maybe that's why she doesn't want me? Should I play the game of not caring even though I care more then anything in the world?
I want to be respectful of her need for space alone to supposedly recover from the disrespect I've caused her but I hurt way too bad when apart. I feel dumped and feel like she's just dragging on an eventual breakup.
Women can you help? Men? I'm lost and suffering greatly...
Thanks so much
-love tool