In love with a married man
It is going on a year now that I have been messing with a married man. Let me start by saying this is not something I am proud of and feel very bad. I am a very level headed person and although this does not support what I am about to say I hold a lot of respect for myself. This man is amazing and makes me world a better place. We have spent so much time together and he has admitted when he is away he thinks about me and when he is gone with his family on a trip he can't wait to come back and hangout. Something must be missing in his marriage or else this affair would not have continued for nine months. He is now gone for the next 18 days on a family trip and I am missing him more then ever. This time away is giving me time to think and that sometimes can be good and others be dangerous. I am not sure how his wife can be so blind. I mean there have been times when he sneaks out of his house calls me and has me pick him up, or comes over and does not return home until wee hours in the morning even though he has to be up for work at 7am. There was even one time when he did not go home until 5am and had to work at 7, and another when he did not come home at all and told his wife he slept in his truck because he drank too much , when it was father's day and he was here with me because he called me and had me pick him up because he had drank too much. The first night we did not mess around was that night so it was innocent enough, even though not really, but still this just makes me crazy. The signs are all there and she still seems to not see. There is a lot I don't know as I have no idea who his wife is. I know of her and know certain things but there is so much that is not said.
This man said he has thoughts of someday having what they have with me, yet he has said he could not leave because he would not do that to his children in which he has two under the age of 6. I Love him and has told me he cannot admit that he loves me too, or that he has become attached even though he has said both of those things on more then one occasion. He said that if he says that then he feels as if he is cheating on his wife 100% when anyone knows no matter what he admits we have crossed that line. What do I do where do I go now? I have said we cannot see each other that way anymore, but he is my best friend and having him out of my life completely just does not work for me. Someone needs to tell me heart and convince my heart that all I feel is wrong and he will never leave. Even though I feel something inside tell me that she is either going to find out about this affair and not by me, or he might realize his feelings for me are not going any where. Can someone please help me? Do married men ever leave their wives is my heart misleading me?
