Hello first of all thanks to anyone trying to help me figure this out.my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year.And I´ve always given hope to the matter that he's not cheap.Truth is he has a house car and bills to pay and an OK job for that, and should I be looking at the very little amount of money he spends on me.. . for my birthday he gave me a walmart perfume.And lately for months now I have been paying for most of our entertainment.His response to when I tried to talk to him about it was well we don't have to be going out Im okay with just chilling with you here at the house.But I know we have to go out sometimes and those times I guess he doesn´,t have money.Ive also lent him money several times.I don't know but it´s affecting every aspect of our relationship.

Ya getting cheap gifts like Wal*Mart perfume would lend itself to cheapness. It probably would have been better had he not gotten anything.

I won't treat a girl to anything if I don't like her. Spending money, I believe, is an indicator of how much you like someone. But I don't think this is the case here, he just sounds cheap.

He does sound cheap, but if you need to lend him money, then he's got money issues.

It sounds more like he's short on cash. At least he's not spending on things that he can't afford.

Some guys don't like talking about their financial problems. But since you're lending money to him, you have to right to talk to him and help him figure out his financial situation.

Maybe he didn't know that Walmart perfume was crap?

I think not going out just because he wants to 'chill' is a bit of a spin though.
While yes, he may like just chilling at home it gets boring not at least going out for dinner once in a while.
My partner and I usually split things, we did progress in our relationship very quickly but by 1 year of dating we pretty much just pooled our money together into a joint 'going out' fund.

OK now a MALE point of view.

Men are inbred to the thought that we must PROVIDE for the women. Women rebel and say we are equals in everything.

So men say we need sex so we compromise on everything. So the man is no longer the head of the house hold although he feels deeply inside that he must provide for his woman but the woman is independent and does not need providing for.

So the "Men of this age" are now confused. We are expected to pay for the house and the car and the food and get no benefits of staying at home to enjoy our fruits of our labor.

Women - who use up to 10 times more words then men - are very social. They network better than men and require AFFECTION rather than sex as their number one need. Thus when the man says "I want to relax at home (unspoken - cause I have worked my off and I am tired and want to enjoy my own dam house that I paid for and now have no money to go out) they get balled out cause they used all their words already!!!

It is time to get "girlfriends" and go out with them and use up your words.

Men are all messed up and feel like we are letting our women down cause we have no money. So respect your man and have some mercy on us. Why does it always have to be about you women?

The man remembered to get you something and you were not even grateful enough to see that. You just come on here and at him - with out his knowing in a very unloving way - and expect us to tell you an answer... well here is it...

Suck it up and get used to it or get the hell out now cause he isn't going to change. Women always think that they can change a man... it isn't so...

there is a TV show expression... I am a man, I can change, if I HAVE to... I guess... ( from the red green show)

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Originally Posted by Cunning is I

ok now a MALE point of view.

Men are inbred to the thought that we must PROVIDE for the women. Women rebel and say we are equals in everything.

So men say we need sex so we compromise on everything. So the man is no longer the head of the house hold although he feels deeply inside that he must provide for his woman but the woman is independent and does not need providing for.

So the "Men of this age" are now confused. We are expected to pay for the house and the car and the food and get no benefits of staying at home to enjoy our fruits of our labor.

Women - who use up to 10 times more words then men - are very social. They network better than men and require AFFECTION rather than sex as their number one need. Thus when the man says "I want to relax at home (unspoken - cause I have worked my off and I am tired and want to enjoy my own dam house that I paid for and now have no money to go out) they get balled out cause they used all their words already!!!

It is time to get "girlfriends" and go out with them and use up your words.

Men are all messed up and feel like we are letting our women down cause we have no money. So respect your man and have some mercy on us. Why does it always have to be about you women?

The man remembered to get you something and you were not even grateful enough to see that. you just come on here and at him - with out his knowing in a very unloving way - and expect us to tell you an answer...well here is it...

Suck it up and get used to it or get the hell out now cause he aint going to change. Women always think that they can change a man...it aint so...

there is a tv show expression...I am a man, I can change, if i HAVE to .... i guess.... ( from the red green show)

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Once you generalize - "you women" or "us men" you lose me.

Same if you would use any race or religion in the place of "women" and "men."

Maybe this is how you think, how the woman in your life thinks - I don't.

This thread is better suited for a discussion board than an advice board.

I don't think he is cheap. He got you a gift. Is that not good enough for you? He could have gotten you NOTHING. In this day and age, Everyone's bills and income are suffering.

Give him some slack.

Or if you feel you 'deserve better' than leave him and find someone else.


Sorry to rant. But this just really struck a cord with me. Please don't be angry. *hugs*

Your boyfriend is a loser,he is not a man. How do you consider yourself in a relationship and be called a man,when you are borrowing money from your girlfriend. Forget all that other info,he's just a typical loser. Let him find his own way

Well lets start.. he feeds her, pays her water, electric and heating/cooling bills and put a roof over her head. Come on.

He HAS found his own way, paying for her existence

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Originally Posted by Cunning is I

well lets start.. he feeds her, pays her water, electric and heating/cooling bills and put a roof over her head. Come on.

he HAS found his own way, paying for her existance

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Where do you see that she isn't contributing to her own expenses, upkeep?

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Originally Posted by gabriela_dc

.Truth is he has a house car and bills to pay and an ok job for that,

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There are the words. Now if you tell me that someone owns a house like I do, there are taxes to pay, electric bills, gas bills, heating/cooling bills, lawn to mow, gas for the car, sewer bills food bills and the such.

It sounds like every last red cent of his goes to the house and bills, not to mention the car and gas and insurance.

What is this "ok job for that" stuff too. She wants him to quit his job so that he has more money so that she can go to the movies 3 times a week and out to eat the other 2 nights? What was the man's schedule before she came on the scene?

Sounds like she does not want to "settle" on this man but would rather be the center of his existence.

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Originally Posted by Cunning is I

There are the words. Now if you tell me that someone owns a house like I do, there are taxes to pay, electric bills, gas bills, heating/cooling bills, lawn to mow, gas for the car, sewer bills food bills and the such.

It sounds like every last red cent of his goes to the house and bills, not to mention the car and gas and insurance.

What is this "ok job for that" stuff too. She wants him to quit his job so that he has more money so that she can go to the movies 3 times a week and out to eat the other 2 nights? What was the man's schedule before she came on the scene?

Sounds like she does not want to "settle" on this man but would rather be the center of his existence.

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I still don't see where she doesn't contribute - lots of people on AMHD own houses. Some of us have spouses and "friends" who contribute. Others do not.

I don't read anything into a post except what is said and I see no indication that she doesn't help with the bills, including food.

Do you feel your wife is taking advantage of you and that's the reason you are taking this stand?

Not at all. If you were to read my posts you will see that we SHARE the bills.

Also as stated above, the reason that this man might be feeling this way is his deep inner need - that has not been addressed- to provide for his woman is being hampered by his lack of a better job.

She thinks he is cheap when in fact - as I have pointed out - he is most likely is broke. On top of that he has no money and she has. So now he is begging in his own house.. how awful for a man. That is like a kick in the face to a man's ego.

Here is a sample of my growing up...
My mother worked and my Father worked. My Father said that whatever money that my mother made was less money that he had to give her. My father figured that all of the money - including the funds that I made at 16- was HIS money as it was HIS house.

In a way it was since he no longer had to give his money to me cause I had my own.

So now you have this pour man who's worth as a hunter gatherer is gone and he wants to relax in his house. For some reason this is a hostile though to women in general cause they feel hard done by cause he has no money left cause he is a failure.

IT IS NOT ABOUT HER contributing... it is about HIS FEELINGS

*edit* my mistake, deleted

I don't read anything that implies the OP lives with this guy. It sounds like she lives at her parents home and doesn't spend the money she earns on bills etc. and this guy has a home and a car and is just barely getting by.

I'd like to know how old the OP and this guy are and what the living situation is.

Does he spend money on ANYTHING else other than bills? I don't think we really have enough info to make any claims about this guy. He could be spending everything he makes on just trying to get by...

Or if he is spending his extra money on other things that are not necessary then maybe he doesn't have his priorities straight... or you just aren't his priority.

OR... maybe he is saving his money up to buy you an engagement ring.

There is simply no way to tell with his this much info.

The poster ask for help to figure this out. So a psychoanalytical subjection as to why her boyfriend is acting this way is not a result of my opinions which I can see that the women here do not want to nor feel that they need to address the realities of being a man in today's society.

It might be that the women here have their id all over there self to help their ego along without thoughts of his feelings.

To conjecture that my perspective on the male physique is some how irrelevant cause I am a man is ludicrous and evades the question the poster asked. - which was more of a statement than a question.

Talking to him of course would be the best possible answer. Or if she feels like she is addressing his feelings and wants to go out then she can simply pay some of the bills, or half the mortgage and then use the rest of the funds to go out with him, cause he will now have money cause you know in a RELATIONSHIP that values EACH OTHER it is LOVE that will bind them together.

Instead she posts here and gets a bunch of woman saying that his is cheep and ignorant cause he bought Walmart perfume and he gets flamed without his knowledge.

That is passive aggressive behavior and will only lead to the destruction of your relationship.

So lets leave let our comments be constructive instead of destructive. After all, no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

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Originally Posted by Cunning is I

Instead she posts here and gets a bunch of woman saying that his is cheep and ignorant cause he bought Walmart perfume and he gets flamed without his knowledge.

That is passive aggressive behavior and will only lead to the destruction of your relationship.

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Definitely a good point. I agree. We have no way of knowing the WHOLE story, and if the only problem is that he got her cheap walmart purfume, than I would say he isn't really the problem here.

There are many ways of looking at a relationship and one of which is no romance, no sharing, no caring, just a convenience thing and that is what it seems to be to him.

I very highly suggest if you want a relationship where your guy spends money on you because he thinks you are special and you deserve the best.

Get rid of homeo and find you a romeo. Life is too short to be nothing but a convenience to your boyfriend.

In closing, I bet a hundred dollar bill this guy cannot even spell romance let alone be a part of it.

Start looking asap, I mean, what is there to lose, you got it, nothing.

Good Luck,

Darryl S.

Maybe the boyfriend isn't sure if he wants to make the investment given the history: Ask Me Help Desk - View Single Post - My gf says she needs her space is this good or bad? I say he is wise.