It's not a break though.. It's an official break-up.

It's just so weird.. like one night we're laughing and happy, the next we're not.. the day he broke up with me, he sends me this message to say "hey, I love you! (before he broke up with me I mean)

I told him don't expect me to be waiting when he figures it all out. God, I wish I meant that. I hate my weakness right now. And I am trying so hard to push ahead and just make it day by day.

I am just so darn sad and I know it gets better, and I keep having to tell myself we weren't something special..

I just feel so trapped in sadness right now. This has to get better. And I know everyone says that in a few months you'll look back and laugh at how needy you are.. but no one laugh at me right now please. I am hurting so much.

No one's laughing at you... because we've all been there. I was in your shoes 3 months ago. I was a wreck... really.

For a solid week, I barely ate, slept, or anything really... I was wasting away.

Now, 3 months later, I look back and I still don't laugh at what happened, but I do look at it as a learning experience... I'm doing MUCH better now, but at times, it still hurts a little. Not a big deal though.

It helps to read others' stories and realize that they're indeed better.

I believe a few of our stories reflect what you're going through... :

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-161688.html

ihatewestseneca's:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ak-165161.html

freakinconfused's (his story's halfway down the first page):

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-142152.html

We've all been there... and we're all much better now. You'll get better. I promise. Keep your head up.

Nicole
It really just takes time believe us , I know its easy to say but time really is a good healer. Just come on here and vent whenever you feel the need and there's always someone a round to lend an ear.

None of those stories are like mine. I'm not trying to be a pain in the butt, but no.

We aren't on a break. There was no neediness. We didn't spend every day together nor did we freak out if we were busy and had to go a day without talking. I've never heard mention of another girl or anything like that. I mean.. I guess there could be? But I would seriously doubt it. My brother works with him and all he ever does is work, so I'm not sure where he would meet someone.

We've broken up once before. When I first came to college he said he wasn't in love with me anymore. So I stopped talking to him for a month and tried to move on. About 6 weeks later he came back and after much talk about his commitment level, etc. we gave it another shot. We dated non-stop for the next 2.5 years.

I won't lie and say he's always a peach, but neither am I. He seemed genuinely confused and I am trying not to care. And it's so hard to think he's never, ever coming back. We just had such a great friendship and he even told me it's not that he wants anyone else, he just thinks we fight too much and we wouldn't be happy in the future. I think he's panicking about something.. Errrgh.

I want to stop caring. And I want to stop thinking there is any chance. Really, I do. But how do you ignore what you hope but don't want to hope?

Ok I lied. Some of these stories are like mine. I must be in denial.

What I need to tell myself is that if he really loved me as much as he is portraying.. he wouldn't be doing this to me, right? If he really wanted to be with me he'd call. If he loved me nearly as much as I loved him, we'd be together right now, right?

Or is this over-simplifying things? Can someone make a mistake..

But as I said above, this is the second time he's broken my heart. But the first time, he DID come back and things were really great for 2.5 years, so getting back together doesn't always spell disaster.

I need to protect myself and not give it back right? Right?

But my mind always goes back to my mom's friend Jackie. She and her hubby broke up 6 times before getting married. And they've been happy for 20 years+.

But I am only 21. So shouldn't I just get over it?

I am sorry I've written on here like 4 times tonight. I am just feeling terrible and am so tempted to dial him. But I can't let that happen.

NC POWER!

Nicole
Yep RIGHT!!

You are at the beginning of this stupid emotional Roller coaster ride , I'm not going to lie , there will be many bad days ahead for you. That's just a normal part of the process. But as time goes there will be less and less.
Break-ups su*k but you just have to weather the pain , and unfortunately there isn't an easy way. But you can make it easier.

You can wallow in the pretence that he may come back or that he still loves you etc. or you can start NC now and start the healing process. Like you yourself said "If he loved you he would be here with you"

If you two are meant to be down the track so be it , but by starting the healing process now and not holding on to false hope if that time comes at least you will be in a better place emotionally to decide if that is really what you want.

NC RULES!! And keep venting , it makes you feel better right :-)

Confession time:

I got so torn up about this confusion thing, and I wasn't buying it. But I needed to hear him say it.

So I texted him and was like..

I can't live in limbo. You don't have to love me or even miss me, but just be honest with me. If you're not confused I need to hear it.

And he told me. He's not confused.

So, OK. Feel like crap.

But at least now I KNOW for sure. No lingering hopes due to anything he's said. I feel like maybe I can move forward now, knowing that I did everything I could do.

He's an idiot for letting me go. I am prettier, smarter, and better than he's ever going to get.

Day 8 of NC for me. And it still sucks.

A stronger individual than I.. Guess I'm at Day 0 again. *Sigh*

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nicole0425

A stronger individual than I.. guess I'm at Day 0 again. *Sigh*

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I don't think it's strong vs. weak!! I learned from experience of breaking NC that it didn't work for me last time. You're strong. It's OK.

It's hard for everyone at the beginning but it gets easier with time , secret is to be strong enough not to break NC and going back to Day 1

Quote:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

It's hard for everyone at the beginning but it gets easier with time , secret is to be strong enough not to break NC and going back to Day 1

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Agreed. NC should not be broken until you are clear you don't want your ex back. If you reach that stage, and know (remember and beware the mind tricks!) that you would be happy to see them without expectation, then maybe. The reality is though, that once you reach that stage, you will probably have no interest in seeing them anyway!!

Don't worry Nicole.. I went back to day 0 a few times, we ended up getting back together.. but it wasn't the same as the first time and we broke up again. I'm now on day 9, but for some strange reason, I feel on top of the world! Maybe some day you will get to the stage I'm at, because I was at your stage one time and thought I'd never feel like this.

Be strong and don't break N/C because it'll bring you right back down again.

I am trying not to worry and just let things be. It's just hard, and no one wants to listen to me talk about it.. so I keep turning to this site.

It hasn't even been the full day and I can't stop crying. I loved him so much.. it's very hard to see outside of my pain.

I've been in love with him since I was 17.. so I guess it's time to stand alone. I'm not scared to be alone.. I'm just scared to lose HIM. Well, I guess I already have.

The worst part is.. I don't hate him. Not at all. I just hate that he did this to me.

I always thought we had something really special. And maybe we did. But it's gone now. That's what I have to remember. It's gone and it's his fault.

I'm fluctuating.. She texted me yesterday but didn't reply.. I was fine.. I was happy lately but I'm a bit down now :/

Update Guys!

Ok, so I am on day 100 and something... I get a text from one of her friends saying "Hey it's so and so..Brianna has something she wants to talk to you about but she doesn't know how to approach it" So I waited a bit and responded by saying "It doesn't really matter, she's got a boyfriend and I'm happy for her" and she responded right away saying "But it's something important she says" So I waited another hour and responded "Well, I guess I should have heard that from her lips. I will tell you one thing, so and so, if she has something to say, it will not take place over text or the phone, She can call me and ask to meet up and discuss it in person." And again, right away with the response "Well, I dunno, I'll let her know"

Think I handled that situation well? I am not going to do the whole "friends" thing as well as not talking about anything with her over the phone or text messages.

I think you handled it well Rome.

Although, the fact that your ex didn't have to balls to text you or call you herself, and had her friend do it, says a lot about her maturity level. Now I know you've grown and bettered yourself and yada yada, you're amazing now. (whatever) but that doesn't mean your ex has grown, apparently she jumped right in with another guy, how much can you learn about yourself if you're too busy learning about someone else. So its fairly safe to assume that she is the same person.

So I ask you this... if she wants you back, do you even think you would go back?


As for me, I had contact a couple weeks ago in the form of a late snack at a little restaurant after about 3 months of NC. It was nice seeing her again, although I couldn't help but notice that she looked better when she was with me. Anyway, it was a nice meeting, though she cried twice over "nothing", told me that she loved me and then immediately after said not to think about that, and then I got a few emails soon after saying that she cares, but she doesn't ever want to be with me again. And I thought "hrm, 1. i can't do long distance anymore, so i dont want to be with her, 2. her reasons for breaking up with me have changed so many times, i can't really remember. and finally 3. shes a young, stupid, confused girl who doesn't know what she wants, and any further contact will only leave me more confused."

So after that meeting I had a rough couple days, but I feel like I'm back on top. I don't care what she is doing at all, haven't checked her Facebook in a while, nor do I have the desire too. Went out with a girl a couple nights ago (we got a taco). I didn't really like her that much, but it was an all right time. So this leaves me with a question for the ladies...

Where are the cute girls that also have something interesting to say to me! Other than my ex, I've yet to go out with such a girl. Stop hiding and come to Westy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

i couldn't help but notice that she looked better when she was with me.

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This is what broken hearts dream of.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

... shes a young, stupid, confused girl who doesn't know what she wants, and any further contact will only leave me more confused."

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Amazingly rational.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

Where are the cute girls that also have something interesting to say to me!? other than my ex, i've yet to go out with such a girl. stop hiding and come to Westy.

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They're all where I am, in vast amounts, surrounded nothing but awful guys. Let's trade.

Ha ha.. I honestly can't say if I would go back or not. I would actually have to sit down, hear what she has to say about the situation and how things are going on her end. Then after that happens, I would go back home and think about things. Come on here, tell the whole story of how the chat went and just see how things go. I'm the type who never rules anything out so it will be hard to say for sure right now.

Westy, trust me.. Girls will come and they will come in flocks. I have just learned that, I have so many different girls I'm talking to, just playing the field, nothing serious with any of them.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Westy, trust me..Girls will come and they will come in flocks. I have just learned that, I have so many different girls I'm talking to, just playing the field, nothing serious with any of them.

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Do boys come in flocks? DO BOYS COME IN FLOCKS?? Haha. I like to think it's a lot easier to find the nice girls than the nice boys. Or at least I tell myself when I'm surrounded by jerks.