It's not a break though.. It's an official break-up.

It's just so weird.. like one night we're laughing and happy, the next we're not.. the day he broke up with me, he sends me this message to say "hey, I love you! (before he broke up with me I mean)

I told him don't expect me to be waiting when he figures it all out. God, I wish I meant that. I hate my weakness right now. And I am trying so hard to push ahead and just make it day by day.

I am just so darn sad and I know it gets better, and I keep having to tell myself we weren't something special..

I just feel so trapped in sadness right now. This has to get better. And I know everyone says that in a few months you'll look back and laugh at how needy you are.. but no one laugh at me right now please. I am hurting so much.

No one's laughing at you... because we've all been there. I was in your shoes 3 months ago. I was a wreck... really.

For a solid week, I barely ate, slept, or anything really... I was wasting away.

Now, 3 months later, I look back and I still don't laugh at what happened, but I do look at it as a learning experience... I'm doing MUCH better now, but at times, it still hurts a little. Not a big deal though.

It helps to read others' stories and realize that they're indeed better.

I believe a few of our stories reflect what you're going through... :

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-161688.html

ihatewestseneca's:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ak-165161.html

freakinconfused's (his story's halfway down the first page):

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-142152.html

We've all been there... and we're all much better now. You'll get better. I promise. Keep your head up.

Nicole
It really just takes time believe us , I know its easy to say but time really is a good healer. Just come on here and vent whenever you feel the need and there's always someone a round to lend an ear.

None of those stories are like mine. I'm not trying to be a pain in the butt, but no.

We aren't on a break. There was no neediness. We didn't spend every day together nor did we freak out if we were busy and had to go a day without talking. I've never heard mention of another girl or anything like that. I mean.. I guess there could be? But I would seriously doubt it. My brother works with him and all he ever does is work, so I'm not sure where he would meet someone.

We've broken up once before. When I first came to college he said he wasn't in love with me anymore. So I stopped talking to him for a month and tried to move on. About 6 weeks later he came back and after much talk about his commitment level, etc. we gave it another shot. We dated non-stop for the next 2.5 years.

I won't lie and say he's always a peach, but neither am I. He seemed genuinely confused and I am trying not to care. And it's so hard to think he's never, ever coming back. We just had such a great friendship and he even told me it's not that he wants anyone else, he just thinks we fight too much and we wouldn't be happy in the future. I think he's panicking about something.. Errrgh.

I want to stop caring. And I want to stop thinking there is any chance. Really, I do. But how do you ignore what you hope but don't want to hope?

Ok I lied. Some of these stories are like mine. I must be in denial.

What I need to tell myself is that if he really loved me as much as he is portraying.. he wouldn't be doing this to me, right? If he really wanted to be with me he'd call. If he loved me nearly as much as I loved him, we'd be together right now, right?

Or is this over-simplifying things? Can someone make a mistake..

But as I said above, this is the second time he's broken my heart. But the first time, he DID come back and things were really great for 2.5 years, so getting back together doesn't always spell disaster.

I need to protect myself and not give it back right? Right?

But my mind always goes back to my mom's friend Jackie. She and her hubby broke up 6 times before getting married. And they've been happy for 20 years+.

But I am only 21. So shouldn't I just get over it?

I am sorry I've written on here like 4 times tonight. I am just feeling terrible and am so tempted to dial him. But I can't let that happen.

NC POWER!

Nicole
Yep RIGHT!!

You are at the beginning of this stupid emotional Roller coaster ride , I'm not going to lie , there will be many bad days ahead for you. That's just a normal part of the process. But as time goes there will be less and less.
Break-ups su*k but you just have to weather the pain , and unfortunately there isn't an easy way. But you can make it easier.

You can wallow in the pretence that he may come back or that he still loves you etc. or you can start NC now and start the healing process. Like you yourself said "If he loved you he would be here with you"

If you two are meant to be down the track so be it , but by starting the healing process now and not holding on to false hope if that time comes at least you will be in a better place emotionally to decide if that is really what you want.

NC RULES!! And keep venting , it makes you feel better right :-)

Confession time:

I got so torn up about this confusion thing, and I wasn't buying it. But I needed to hear him say it.

So I texted him and was like..

I can't live in limbo. You don't have to love me or even miss me, but just be honest with me. If you're not confused I need to hear it.

And he told me. He's not confused.

So, OK. Feel like crap.

But at least now I KNOW for sure. No lingering hopes due to anything he's said. I feel like maybe I can move forward now, knowing that I did everything I could do.

He's an idiot for letting me go. I am prettier, smarter, and better than he's ever going to get.

Day 8 of NC for me. And it still sucks.

A stronger individual than I.. Guess I'm at Day 0 again. *Sigh*

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nicole0425

A stronger individual than I.. guess I'm at Day 0 again. *Sigh*

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I don't think it's strong vs. weak!! I learned from experience of breaking NC that it didn't work for me last time. You're strong. It's OK.

It's hard for everyone at the beginning but it gets easier with time , secret is to be strong enough not to break NC and going back to Day 1

Quote:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

It's hard for everyone at the beginning but it gets easier with time , secret is to be strong enough not to break NC and going back to Day 1

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Agreed. NC should not be broken until you are clear you don't want your ex back. If you reach that stage, and know (remember and beware the mind tricks!) that you would be happy to see them without expectation, then maybe. The reality is though, that once you reach that stage, you will probably have no interest in seeing them anyway!!

Don't worry Nicole.. I went back to day 0 a few times, we ended up getting back together.. but it wasn't the same as the first time and we broke up again. I'm now on day 9, but for some strange reason, I feel on top of the world! Maybe some day you will get to the stage I'm at, because I was at your stage one time and thought I'd never feel like this.

Be strong and don't break N/C because it'll bring you right back down again.

I am trying not to worry and just let things be. It's just hard, and no one wants to listen to me talk about it.. so I keep turning to this site.

It hasn't even been the full day and I can't stop crying. I loved him so much.. it's very hard to see outside of my pain.

I've been in love with him since I was 17.. so I guess it's time to stand alone. I'm not scared to be alone.. I'm just scared to lose HIM. Well, I guess I already have.

The worst part is.. I don't hate him. Not at all. I just hate that he did this to me.

I always thought we had something really special. And maybe we did. But it's gone now. That's what I have to remember. It's gone and it's his fault.

I'm fluctuating.. She texted me yesterday but didn't reply.. I was fine.. I was happy lately but I'm a bit down now :/

Update Guys!

Ok, so I am on day 100 and something... I get a text from one of her friends saying "Hey it's so and so..Brianna has something she wants to talk to you about but she doesn't know how to approach it" So I waited a bit and responded by saying "It doesn't really matter, she's got a boyfriend and I'm happy for her" and she responded right away saying "But it's something important she says" So I waited another hour and responded "Well, I guess I should have heard that from her lips. I will tell you one thing, so and so, if she has something to say, it will not take place over text or the phone, She can call me and ask to meet up and discuss it in person." And again, right away with the response "Well, I dunno, I'll let her know"

Think I handled that situation well? I am not going to do the whole "friends" thing as well as not talking about anything with her over the phone or text messages.

I think you handled it well Rome.

Although, the fact that your ex didn't have to balls to text you or call you herself, and had her friend do it, says a lot about her maturity level. Now I know you've grown and bettered yourself and yada yada, you're amazing now. (whatever) but that doesn't mean your ex has grown, apparently she jumped right in with another guy, how much can you learn about yourself if you're too busy learning about someone else. So its fairly safe to assume that she is the same person.

So I ask you this... if she wants you back, do you even think you would go back?


As for me, I had contact a couple weeks ago in the form of a late snack at a little restaurant after about 3 months of NC. It was nice seeing her again, although I couldn't help but notice that she looked better when she was with me. Anyway, it was a nice meeting, though she cried twice over "nothing", told me that she loved me and then immediately after said not to think about that, and then I got a few emails soon after saying that she cares, but she doesn't ever want to be with me again. And I thought "hrm, 1. i can't do long distance anymore, so i dont want to be with her, 2. her reasons for breaking up with me have changed so many times, i can't really remember. and finally 3. shes a young, stupid, confused girl who doesn't know what she wants, and any further contact will only leave me more confused."

So after that meeting I had a rough couple days, but I feel like I'm back on top. I don't care what she is doing at all, haven't checked her Facebook in a while, nor do I have the desire too. Went out with a girl a couple nights ago (we got a taco). I didn't really like her that much, but it was an all right time. So this leaves me with a question for the ladies...

Where are the cute girls that also have something interesting to say to me! Other than my ex, I've yet to go out with such a girl. Stop hiding and come to Westy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

i couldn't help but notice that she looked better when she was with me.

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This is what broken hearts dream of.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

... shes a young, stupid, confused girl who doesn't know what she wants, and any further contact will only leave me more confused."

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Amazingly rational.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

Where are the cute girls that also have something interesting to say to me!? other than my ex, i've yet to go out with such a girl. stop hiding and come to Westy.

---

They're all where I am, in vast amounts, surrounded nothing but awful guys. Let's trade.

Ha ha.. I honestly can't say if I would go back or not. I would actually have to sit down, hear what she has to say about the situation and how things are going on her end. Then after that happens, I would go back home and think about things. Come on here, tell the whole story of how the chat went and just see how things go. I'm the type who never rules anything out so it will be hard to say for sure right now.

Westy, trust me.. Girls will come and they will come in flocks. I have just learned that, I have so many different girls I'm talking to, just playing the field, nothing serious with any of them.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Westy, trust me..Girls will come and they will come in flocks. I have just learned that, I have so many different girls I'm talking to, just playing the field, nothing serious with any of them.

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Do boys come in flocks? DO BOYS COME IN FLOCKS?? Haha. I like to think it's a lot easier to find the nice girls than the nice boys. Or at least I tell myself when I'm surrounded by jerks.

Ha ha... I don't know, I'm a nice guy and get screwed over but when I act like a jerk(say I'll call back and don't.. etc) they keep coming. Any answer lol? Nice guys finish last in my book, or so it seems.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Westy, trust me..Girls will come and they will come in flocks. I have just learned that, I have so many different girls I'm talking to, just playing the field, nothing serious with any of them.

---

Don't worry, girls flock... just none that I want. I think I might want them, and then they open their mouth... haha.

Girls DO come in flocks... it's ridiculous.

I haven't had contact from my ex except her e-mail to tell me that her and the new guy are official now... (shocker... ). I simply ignored it.

Rome, as far as your ex telling you something important, I have a feeling it'll be something you won't expect... regardless, I agree with westy saying that she should have rather talked to you first. My ex does the same thing, as she'll say something to one of my mutual friends in hopes that she'll relay the info to me.

Jami: no worries. Guys probably flock more than girls do.

Yea, like hey! I'm pregnant.. Ha ha... I'm not going to over think it, I'm just choosing not to believe it until I hear it from her lips herself. Who knows what I will even say, I will definitely be posting a topic on that if it ever happens ha ha

I do so much to stay out of my ex's life, she does so much to find out about mine.. It's hilarious

Yep. Isn't that the way it goes when you do NC?

I don't check my ex's fbook... nor do I even ask about her. In fact, I know NOTHING about what my ex is doing... except what my friends tell me... and even then, I tell them I don't want to know, I don't care.

My ex (in her e-mail to me) told me that she's been checking up on me... and have confessed that she wished I updated my fbook more often so she can see what I'm doing... she also confesses that she's been asking my friends how I'm doing and such. I guess she told me all this to make me see that she still cares... but in the end, I think she went off the grid.

My boyfriend dumped me after 2 1/2 yrs because he needed space?? Blocked me on fbook etc. I'm now on day 49 with no contact from him and I haven't contacted him. I'm proud of myself because I thought I couldn't cope shows I have. Just wish I had more answers to why he wanted to break up I know there was no one else , and on that morning he paid of all our holidays why waste the money. Just hope one day he will wake up an realise what he has lost, because I'm stronger than ever now!

It really is so encouraging to see people moving on, it gives me hope that things will get better. I have been doing N/C for almost 3 weeks it is not getting any easier and I am constantly thinking about txting him but somehow I haven't and because of that I feel so much better about myself.

Ps guys definitley come in flocks, sometimes scaryily so! Haha oh the joys of being single again!

I really don't want to think about guys in flocks. I really feel like I need to just focus on me. But it's hard.. But today wasn't terrible. No tears today..

It's more like a dull ache. And honestly.. this might sound terrible, but one of the things I miss most is the sex?

Is it weird to worry you'll never meet anyone else with the same sexual style/voracity/etc/ as you? I don't know. I just miss the physical closeness.

And having someone to talk to at the end of the evening. But, Day 1 of Official NC is over and done successful. Good night all!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nicole0425

It's more like a dull ache. And honestly.. this might sound terrible, but one of the things I miss most is the sex?

Is it weird to worry you'll never meet anyone else with the same sexual style/voracity/etc/ as you? I don't know. I just miss the physical closeness.

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Actually, I thought this as well... but I found out that I was wrong. Yes, the physical closeness... will be missed. But the sexual style/voracity/appetite/just overall craziness in bed... there are a LOT of people out there. Trust me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nicole0425

And having someone to talk to at the end of the evening.

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I feel you, but after some time, at the end of the day, you're glad you have time to just sit back, turn on the tv/read a book/watch a movie, and relax...

Just keep going everyone, we are doing well. Sneeze/Rome/West, I've been reading all your posts the last few weeks, and I'm glad you guys are turning the corner. Its defiantely spurring me on.

I don't really have much interest in other girls at the moment, its only day 29 of NC (2nd time around - but it won't be broken this time, by me at least). Just need some me time I think. Im back hitting the gym, and am looking forward to the good times again!

Keep posting!

Yea, the 3 amigos(me, Sneeze, West) were all the same, we did not think we would be able to survive, we missed our ex's too much. And now here we are, turning pages and giving other people that are in the same position as we were 3 months ago, a positive outlook on things. We still have our days when our ex's pop into our head, but if they are like me, it's less frequent and don't really have that dagger to the heart feeling anymore?

Keep up with the NC it truly is a great tool to heal yourself.

Day 2. Complete. All was well, until I was alone at night..

I was putting all of "our" things - letter, pictures, all that stuff away. And then I went through old Facebook posts and deleted them.

But it hurt me so much. Because, we were so in love. So very much in love.. crazy about each other. And now, I'm crying again, but at least I got it all packed up. I just don't understand how we let it fall apart.

And I'm really tired of people telling me I shouldn't be so sad because I'll find someone better, I'm so young, blah blah... I KNOW all this. But that doesn't make it hurt any less and it doesn't mean that it wasn't special to me.

I loved him (still do, despite trying) with all of my heart. And it's so very broken that I wish I could fast-forward a few months. I don't want to love him anymore. I can't deal with this heartache. I can't. It hurts to breathe sometimes. I just miss him.. I say that without hope, without agenda.. I just miss him.

I know how you feel Nicole, actually we all do. Losing someone you love is never an easy thing, in fact it is one of the hardest aspects of life. I know it's cliché but things will get better with time. Right now allow yourself to cry and be angry. You've been through a lot so there is no shame.

I know it hurts and all you want to do is wake up and find out that it was all a bad dream. Unfortunately this is life and at times it can be very rough. Trust me, with time things will become easier for you. This was his decision and he will have to live with it. You on the other hand will learn a great deal from this experience and you'll soon realize that the person worth crying over will never make you shed a tear.

Nicole writes: " I don't want to love him anymore."
Hope things get better for you, and they will; you reminded me of a song I enjoy:
Don't Want To Love You Anymore Delbert McClinton

I remember when my ex first split with me, I could barely eat or sleep for a good week or so. But it does get better. You just have to keep busy, and get your in motion as they say.+

We've all been there nicole.. and some of us are there right now.. I'm on day 9 though its kind of 4 really cause she talked to me 4 days ago but I didn't answer.. I wish I didn't love her either but I do and she's changed.. there isn't much we can do about it but focus on ourselves and get better.. I wish she'd come back but at the same time I don't..
Its easter break and I'm getting to spend a lot of time with friends, when I get back to england its going to be a lot harder.

It's day 4351255151 for me... I think. Haven't kept up with the days... I know it's been about 4 months now...

I ran into my ex last night while I was out with a buddy of mine... she was with her new boyfriend... it wasn't awkward, but she ended up coming to us and saying hi to us... then she left and my entire group looked at each other and thought "...why'd she come up to us...?"

No problems. I will be fine.

Day 3 - Done..

Still horribly sad. It's been 3 weeks since we broke up. When am I going to stop feeling so terrible? I feel fine when I'm out, doing stuff, whatever.

But the minute I get home.. it's all tears. I just don't know how to do this and I feel like I'm feeling all the wrong things, but I just.. I just don't know.

I hate him for this. I hate him for telling me he loves me, but doesn't think we'd be happy later. I hate him for saying he was confused. I hate him for saying he cared. I hate that he says he still loves me but isn't with me. His love is for s h*t.

God do I know how you feel...

During my breakup, it was winter break... so I had NO friends here as they all went home. It was... ridiculous. During the day, it was fine as I was at work, but the nights... were so awful. I know exactly where you're at... hang in there. What I did to pass the nights were to go to the gym around 10pm... and just run or lift weights... for a long time. Then I'd come home, shower, maybe read a little bit, and then pass out. I used to never listen to music, but I started to... and I used to always watch movies, but I stopped. Things kind of changed overall.

Hang in there. Keep your head up. It'll get better soon.

I also keep thinking how she could do this to us..
I think its day 10.. I don't want to count.