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drinkmenow8 · Apr 13, 2009, 11:05 AM

Its hard its almost like she broke up with me to live like this...

jmw0713 · Apr 13, 2009, 12:16 PM

Maybe, but you can't think that way. It is not your fault that she chose this path. She made the decision for herself.

You should be glad that you are not together. If you were still with her, she would most certainly be hitting you up for money to buy drugs, under the guide that she is "Going out with her friends."

Trust me you do not want to be involved with the problems this type of behavior comes with.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 13, 2009, 08:24 PM

So in my mind I'm very confused why a girl would turn down a guy like me I mean most guys do stupid crap especially at my age.. I'm 20 and have an associates degree working is fine... or doing anything that is productive in your life.. I would support any girl in anything that they wanted to do if it was a goal or ambition... if a girl wanted to do something hurtful to the relationship of course I would be against it. Now looking back on this past relationship I can see that I was a little bit critical of that because no one is perfect and you can't force anyone to do anything, but really how can doing nothing with your life but floating along be productive at all? How can you be happy doing it, maybe she regrets her descion? I want to talk with her to gain more closure or something but I don't think this would solve really much of anything... I'm not sure how far into the healing process I am. I have not contacted her in something like 3 weeks or so but I did do some stupid crap in the first week or so out of desperation... now the only reason I'm going through this much trouble is to answer questions that are seeming to me to be unanswerable. Maybe its just that I'm very analytical and logical and I got with someone that only dealed with their emotions... I don't know advice?

jmw0713 · Apr 14, 2009, 01:08 PM

Give yourself time. The answers to your questions will become clear, once you settle down emotionally, and can look back on the relationship with a clear mind.

Take sometime and reflect. It may help you get the closure you need.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 14, 2009, 11:28 PM

Well you guys guess what happened I actually ran into her about a day or two ago and we sat down and talked for hours... it was amazing I got all the closure I need and now I am ready to move forward.

Basically we sat down and we were drinking some beers together at a friends house.

All the reasons she gave me were really only some of the smallest issues of why we actually broke up. Sure the lusting after one another may have been less apparent but in a true relationship usually that is solvable..

Anyway what happened was that once she got off her anti depressants and away from her counselor all the issues she had came back with a vengeance she bottled them up and never let me know.

Right now she is going through a really tough time. She admitted that she didn't know who she was and was trying to find herself and basically that she hated who she was right now.

I can't sum up our entire conversation but basically when you can't love yourself you cannot love another.. I gave her some honest advice as a friend told her that maybe we could become friends and try again long into the future but most of all we both learned a lot from our first relationship and even if we get into a relationship with someone else the time we spent was special...

So I told her to get back with her counsellor and even though I knew that she would not listen to me that she should try to stop distracting herself with weed in order to truly find herself...

And here I am now I feel fcking great.. not fully healed but now I understand that it wasn't my fault really whatsoever but it was she who wasn't necessarily at fault for the breakup because we both had something to do with it. But I realized that she just wasn't ready for what I had to offer...

And that someone in the future will be.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 15, 2009, 06:22 AM

Isn't life funny sometimes how some people will run away from all their problems including the problem that is actually their only solution?

drinkmenow8 · Apr 16, 2009, 06:41 AM

Any advice on the recent events and where do you relationship experts put me on the stages of healing?

drinkmenow8 · Apr 16, 2009, 10:41 AM

Wow how do iget people to comment?

drinkmenow8 · Apr 16, 2009, 11:32 AM

??

stillfading · Apr 16, 2009, 01:32 PM

Originally Posted by drinkmenow8

But i realized that she just wasn't ready for what i had to offer...

and that someone in the future will be.

THAT... is what sucks the most. I am in the same boat. Don't feel guilty too long man, now she admits that it was her too. Let the guilt pass, understand your faults and allow yourself to become better from them.

After a fire starts, the flame will die down. That is life. Is there ANYTHING you can do to bring her back and be happy? You know the answer as do I.

Time for NC to allow yourself time to heal so you can have what it takes to start a new fire with someone that will keep it burning

talaniman · Apr 16, 2009, 07:51 PM

To have a healthy adult relationship, requires two healthy adults. That's still no guarantee, that things will go as you want them too. That's just reality. That's what healing is about, a return to good health, or as close as you can get.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 17, 2009, 05:59 AM

What could it possibly mean when someone says that there heart just isn't into the relationship I am very new at relationships and I was wondering a little bit about the background of women and how this type of stuff works.

kctiger · Apr 17, 2009, 06:00 AM

Originally Posted by drinkmenow8

what could it possibly mean when someone says that there heart just isn't into the relationship I am very new at relationships and I was wondering a little bit about the background of women and how this type of stuff works.

They aren't in love with you... that's what it means. This isn't a gender thing, it is a human thing.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 17, 2009, 06:20 AM

Why do you think this happened in my case? Just the lack of communication or different paths that were chosen? Then how do marriages last couples entire lives?

kctiger · Apr 17, 2009, 06:25 AM

The "X" factor... it's called life. Feelings and such. The human mind and heart work in very strange ways... hell, even a PHD in studies doesn't make you an expert, because behavior is very hard to predict when it comes to love...

talaniman · Apr 17, 2009, 06:54 AM

Let me let you in on something you need to know. The biggest part of life is how you handle it. Sometimes what we want only looks good, but ain't worth a darn, when it comes to value. Like a nice sports car with a messed up engine. Would you pay top dollar for it?

In a relationship, when feelings change, and she wants space, give it to her, and deal with your feelings, heal, and move on, to preserve your own value to yourself, in the form of dignity, and self respect, and continue on your own path, until someone is willing to work with you through the trials of life.

Break ups suck, but they teach us a lot about ourselves, and what we want, and how to overcome bad situations, and how to cope with our own feelings when life knocks us down.

You have been knocked down, but its your choice to stay down, and punish yourself, or get up, and keep on trucking, and deal with the options, and opportunities, that are there if you have the ability to see them, and the will to pursue them. Make your choice and get on with it.

liz28 · Apr 17, 2009, 07:34 AM

Had to spread the rep Tal but as always your right.

To the OP married couples be together for years because they make it work and they want it to work. They go through their up and downs and have they sad and happy moments they conquer any obstacles together.

Any relationship can work with communication, respect, trust, working as a team, and patience.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 18, 2009, 06:35 AM

So I was just wondering how this process works to be honest I'm learning to live my life without her I just got a job as a computer technician in my home town at 14 bucks an hour which is way cool it beats my last min wage job anyway I also am now involved in a band and I have been inspired to write lyrics like crazy which is also going good.. we have 3 songs down we hope to have 9 by July so we can do some summer shows. So does NC last forever or will we end up eventually talking I know that no conversation could ever bring the full closure that I need but the only thing that will bring that is time I don't know but ill let you guys see the myspace address when I get some songs recorded.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 19, 2009, 05:02 AM

My ex just emailed me to see if she had left anything over at my house... I have a couple things of hers still and I was planning on returning them, last time we talked she said she would eventually talk to me is this just an exscuse to talk to me or does she just want her stuff and to forget about me?

drinkmenow8 · Apr 27, 2009, 11:55 PM

Anyone got some advice?.