My girlfriend broke up with me, spark is dead and needs to find herself.
Hello everyone I'm new to posting on this site and I am really looking forward to maybe getting a resolution and learning from this experience. Let me start with the background information to make things easy I will abbreviate both of our names My names "I" I live in bakersfield, ca am now 20 years old, my girlfriend "L" is still 19 our relationship lasted just over 2 years and now I don't know what to do.
I am a very goal oriented person that is looking forward to the future and am now at college pursuing my computer science degree, I have a good idea where I want to go and what I want to do when I am older. I had always had a lot of friends and a good family growing up. That is why I have always been the responsible one in the relationship.
Early on in our relationship she seemed to know where she wanted to go in life as well, she turned down a full ride scholarship to orange county art school(shes good at drawing) to stay with me and go to the local college to get her degree in animal science. After a semester or two something happened to where she now has no desire to go to school and has failed all her classes. She is not as goal oriented or ambitious as me, had some good close friends(but not alot) and her mom hasn't been the greatest asset in her life. She was always very shy growing up where as I was more outgoing. I know we are very different but they do say opposites attract.
In the beginning of the relationship everything was going fine we were actually both first loves with only a couple of meaningless relationships before we got together. The first couple of months really were easy and it just seemed to good to be true, but everyone here knows how the start of a relationship usually is. In about the 8th month the first problem appeared she had developed feelings for another guy and being new to relationships didn't know that you could have feelings for someone else but still make it work with the person you loved. That ordeal really only lasted a week or two during that time we broke up and retained little contact until one day she called me over to the park close by and we had a good talk and things worked out ever so slowly, after some compromises and promises that were upheld, but after that experience I always had some jealousy issues I couldn't overcome.
So moving on about three months ago was when the problems started the foundation we once shared of common goals had now crumbled she was no longer doing anything productive for her future and was partying far to often. I on the other hand was making the mistake of forcing her to do responsible things that needed to be done, I guess I was trying to look for her best interests but I began to sound too much like a parent.
The reason why I think we are not together today is because she was not ready(mature) enough for this kind of commitment and still had some has some partying to get out of her system. For example I guess for a couple weeks now she has been smoking weed with one of our friends without telling me. I have always treated her very good and tried to look out for her but I guess I have learned that you can't force anyone to do anything.
So one day I was trying to talk with her about some of the problems we had the relationship just started feeling different, I guess within those three months the spark had died and I got the line "My feelings for you just aren't the same." after that I tried to explain to her that that can happen in a relationship but its up to both of the individuals to fix it. She was not listening to anything I was saying ignoring every solution I brought to her until finally I got really mad and said some very hurtful things to her. A week later we talked I apoligized and told her that it just felt like the world was caving in on me, regardless she broke it off we me saying she loves and cares about me deeply but she wants time to be selfish and experience life as single for awhile.
Now that I have been single for a few days it is tearing me up inside I know I should not contact her but sometimes I can't take it and I snap and end up calling her just to hear her voice, although overall there has been little contact between us, I do not think she is ready to talk about anything yet. Her mom really likes me I called her yesterday and she said that "l" has been saying that she is hurting bad and she doesn't want to make a decision that she regrets.
Based off all of this I have came to the conclusion that I will most likely be single for months to come maybe even until a new girl comes along. I think that "l" needs that time to find herself and realize where she needs to go in life.
If anyone needs more information just ask and pleasssse help me out here I'm dying.