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superk · Jul 7, 2009, 09:26 AM

What do you think she wanted to tell me if anything?

"I thought about us and I was thinking if there will be another chance.."

what is her goal?

To check her chances

and most importantly what is my next move?

What does your gut tells you? I guess your heart tells you "this feels good" but your mind says "this is a big mistake"... look back why you broke up in the first place.

dreamingartist · Jul 7, 2009, 09:26 AM

its called testing the waters to see if its still warm. My ex went as far as sleeping with me to see if I still would, knowing I was talking to other girls. Its like a ego boost, them saying oh man, even with another girlfriend or dates he will still choose me. It goes both ways... part of you wants to know if she would still be with you. Your next move should be back to san hose 200 miles away. Figure out what you want, figure out if the relationship has any problems solved or if the problems have just been washed away with 3 months of NC and they are all still there... toxic is toxic. If she broke up with you for a reason, is the reason there. Are you happier without her? You don't need her to live your life, so figure out what makes you happy. Some breakups get back together, but for me, I got back 8 different times with my same X over the course of 8 years... on again, off again, fighting, love, toxic... and I still hooked up with her the last time we saw each other not 1 month ago, after 3 months of NC. She is datinga new guy (sugar daddy) and he is flying her around the world for her birthday... I wanted to test the waters and see if I could still hook up, and the reality is, I ill ALWAYS be able to hook up... my lesson is learning WHY I shouldn't hook up with her, so don't make the same mistake I do... you will always be able to respark things, but just don't get burned from the fire.

drinkmenow8 · Jul 7, 2009, 09:32 AM

well you see I'm not exactly sure the reason that we broke up she kept all her feelings inside and emotionally removed herself from the relationship before it tanked. Part of it was the spark being gone =/ this girl had a rough childhood some issues as well. The main reason that I wouldn't get back with her is that she not as ambitious as me and goals are part of a strong foundation I beileve.

also were both pretty inexperienced I'm 20 she's 19 sooo do you think there is another reason she wanted to hang out? I'm gone in a week anyway I just want her to spit out w/e it is she wanted to tell me =/ how do I get her to do this?

or more to the point I still to this day don't know what is going through her head.

talaniman · Jul 7, 2009, 10:20 AM

You don't have to start a new thread about the same girl, thats confusing. Just reply with your questions in this thread. Thats why your threads were merged.

You may never know WHAT SHE IS THINKING, OR WHY, unless she changes, and tells you. One thing you should know, is your back to the same questions, with answers she still isn't giving you so its safe to assume you are still no further ahead than when you broke up.

That means your going in circles, unless you can get your head around the fact this relationship feels good on some level, but doesn't work on the level you want it to.

Okay, now you go back to your other life and build it to make you happy, and leave her in the past.........again. Sorry buddy, but now you will have to start the process over again, and cope with those old feelings being stirred up again.

At least your experience will (maybe) kick in, as you redo the process, and get past what's in her head, and deal with what's in yours, WITHOUT HER INFLUENCE.

drinkmenow8 · Jul 7, 2009, 06:17 PM

Ehh it really isn't bugging like it did originally now I'm just curious

drinkmenow8 · Jul 7, 2009, 09:21 PM

So what's your guy's advice to me is a couple getting back together never a good idea or what? What if anything would be the recipe for success what is the missing ingredient? Or what should I be looking for if she ever talks on a serious note?

talaniman · Jul 8, 2009, 05:22 AM

The recipe for success is that both partners are willing to work together to solve their issues. Without that willingness, how can it work?

If one doesn't want to try, it really is over.

jmw0713 · Jul 8, 2009, 10:14 AM

No, I don't think we are saying it's not a good idea, but to go off what Tal said, the person who made the move (breaker) needs to want to get back with the breakee, since it was that person who initiated the whole thing in the first place. The breakee usually wants to get back with that person, for the most part.

If both people are not willing to commit 100% toward working things out... then what's the point. You just end up repeating the cycle all over again.

The breakee cannot influence the breaker to take them back... the breaker must make that choice on there own. Couples don't get back together, because one of the people involved don't want to. You can have a relationship with one person doing all of the work.

That is why when someone breaks up with you, it is best for you to suck it up and move on. You, as the breakee, do not have the power to make the breaker come back. If you try, you usually re-enforce the breakers decision.

drinkmenow8 · Jul 9, 2009, 02:26 AM

weird NC something's fishie O.o lolz I feel like sherlock holmes honestly I don't have as many feelings attached to this girl that I once did and I wouldn't even be talking about her right now if I didn't have a thread dedicated to this section of my life but anyway I haven't contacted her and vice versa and I'm definetely not going to make a move at all I honestly could care less unless she has some sort of epiphany to share with me but I'm still open to as you say "test the waters" and see what's up if I like what I see then ill go from there if I don't like what I see I will walk away and continue concentrating on bettering myself until a new relationship comes my way =/ just because I realize that I am in a weaker position as the breakee and yea... by the way you guys are really wise how old are you just curious?

jmw0713 · Jul 9, 2009, 08:17 AM

I'm 26, and you are not necessarily in the weaker position. You can have all the power you want over her, by not allowing her to affect you in any way by cutting ties and moving on.

Most of what I've learned about this sort of things has been knowledge I've gather from others on this website.