I'm 32,been married 10 yrs but has been with my husband since I was 15 yrs old. He has pushed me to the side, ignored me,controlled me, and cheated on me for years. He even slept with my sister... I always wanted to be loved by him so I always forgave him. 5 yrs ago I met a guy fell in love and have been in a off and on reletionship with him. I feel like we are soul mates, he's my best friend and I can't imagine him not being in my life. However, since my husband found out about my affair he hasn't been cheating to my knowledge. I've left him and returned several times for the sake of our children, but am ready to call it quits-permanently... im so confused... I love my husband as a friend a really don't want to hurt his feelings but I can't deny my love for the other guy. My other guy wants me to divorce so we could get married... can anybody give any advice?

You need to do what is going to make YOU happy. It is your life, and you deserve happiness. Your husband has proved that he is not putting his whole self into the relationship. You where 15 years old, you really expected him to be the one? The next one might not even be the one! But that is what life is about. Divorce him, pursue your happiness, and yes you have children, but when they are older they too will understand. Maintain a freindship with you husband for the sake of your children, let them know you do not hate each other, and that you will always be friends. Share custody, do whatever. As long as your children have the both of you, separated or not, they will be okay. :) Good luck, now go out there and get the man of your dreams.

Hello-o, your husband slept with your SISTER! Enough said. You should have left immediately. That's just nasty!

He slept with your sister? You should have left when you first found out. Good luck to you and especially to your children

I don't think the question is - 'is it right to leave your husband for another man?', but it is 'why are you staying in this marriage'?

It sounds like you're too afraid to leave - why?

It's not fair to either of them to continue the current arrangement - you say you don't love your husband and he's cheated multiple time, you say the other man wants to marry you and he's your soul mate...

So why do you stay?

If you don't follow your heart you'll never know.

Do what's right for you but do it with integrity and respect for all concerned.

I would be so overwhelmed by the fact that he slept with my sister, it would be hard to stay with him.

Think of your children, Above anything else they are the ones who need to be taken care of.

Leave him don't get married right away cause of the kids...

Let the kids know that they have nothing to do with this

Make sure the kids know you and the sister er loves them NO MATTER WHAT

I think the sister has already proven her selfishness.

I think it's wrong to leave one man for another man. Get out of your marriage and then decide if you want to be with another man.

You need to find yourself, not another man -

Out of reddies but you have posted some very odd advice -

The sister had sex with their father and you think the children should know how much the sister loves them?

Bizarre.

It takes all kinds I guess, but I would never speak to my sister again , nor would I allow my children to be anywhere near them. You're right JudyKayTee.

I think I stay because I am used to being miserable and don't know how to change that. Also I've been afraid to try and make it on my own... call it low self esteem or whatever, I have trouble trying to figue it out myself.but I feel guilty trying to be happy with someone else... idk why I just do.

You have been through a lot in 10 years; more than most would expect in a lifetime with one person (and far more than most would put up with I might add)

The truth is, for half of your marriage, you have been having an affair. I'd say that pretty much equalls the affairs your husband has apparently had.

The two of you really need to get yourselves together here and abandon this sinking ship.

You are used to being miserable, afraid of making it on your own, low self esteem, etc. as you say. Those are excuses, and not good enough ones at that.

Get yourself into counselling. Scope out all the many, many resources there are out there for women who need help in working through all the issues you've mentioned. There is no excuse for you to stay in a miserable place, unless you want to.

As to the other man. Until you are separated, and until you can stand on your own two feet, try putting the brakes on that relationship. The only person you can truly, 100% count on, is yourself. You need to be in a position of strength, not neediness. Let the men go until you figure out where you fit into this world, and where you are comfortable on your own.

Your children deserve to know that you are strong for yourself, and for them. Introducing a new man in your life (no matter how much you love him) is not in their best interests at this time.

You need to get your priorities straight, get out there and find what you need to turn your life around.

Everything else will fall into place after that.

Your husband had sex with your sister and you don't want to hurt his feelings?

If you are miserable and see no relief in sight, then you should make a change.

I agree with Jake2008, get into counseling. Concentrate your energy on your children, and learn to love yourself enough to never be mistreated again.

I think your husband knows how much you depend on him, and he is using that as permission to do whatever he wants to do.

And what's up with your sister? How is THAT relationship?

You deserve happiness.Try it without a man ,and then when you know who you are and you have total confidence about who you are find a man who is worthy of you and only then!

In hindsight, do you feel you should have left when you found out he slept with your sister?
You probably tried everything to make your marriage work, forgiving etc, and leaving one person's feelings out... yours.
I'm not saying it's right to leave your husband for another man in general terms, but each case has to be decided on its merits. He has bullied , lied, cheated controlled you for too long, but the next guy is already putting conditions on you, and this sounds like pressure??
Leave. Think of yourself... deal with the issues of hurt and pain first, have some therapy,then decide if you should marry the other man. Be kind to yourself and look after yourself first...

Best of luck...

WELL, call it QUITS!! Seriously! What about your happiness? What about your peace? What about your emotional health? Thing is, and from my own personal experience, the man won't get it together. And even when you think they are being loyal, they aren't. Listen, just because we married someone doesn't mean that they are our soul mates. We sometimes do things out of haste because we have an emotional tie to someone. Also, why are you thinking about his feelings? He surely didn't/never thought about yours. (please note, not all men are like this so don't judge or punish other men based off the sorry one that you are currently with). ANd, never stay or go back because of the children. Never! You have to be healthy so your children can be healthy. Not only that, as long as you stay you are showing your children how women are supposed to be treated. And in this case, the idea is warped. So, be strong and hang on in there... do what YOU need to do to be happy!!

I have to agree. Children come first! Mothers put them first, so do good fathers. As for your husband and your sister let them go.

Above your

I definitely would have ran him off when I found out he slept with my sister, but it appears that you forgave him. I assume from your post that you’ve stayed with your husband for an additional 5 years since the husband/sister incident, so you must have gotten over it.

The grass always seems greener... but you still have to mow it, water it, feed it, etc! What I'm saying is that people think the answer to their problems is leaving and starting over with someone new, only to find that the new one is just as much work... Frying pan to the fire!

If you are truly unhappy in your marriage and feel that you have been abused, then leave. Just don’t leave for another man - leave to get yourself together.

The grass may seem greener but think about your children.. Going from a bad marriage and jumping right into another is not very smart.