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I like this girl but she has a boyfriend(6-8 years). We go to the same college, and are in a lot of the same classes. When we go out partying she flirts with me; touching, hugging, smiling. We seem to have a lot of similar interests, and things seem to be natural when I'm around her. Should I tell her how I feel? Wait for her to break up with her boyfriend?(timeframe unknown) or do nothing? Its driving me crazy. Will telling her make things awkward? Help!
She's been with her boyfriend 6-8 years? I wouldn't mess with it as she probably won't leave him, and I damn sure wouldn't wait around for them to break up as life will pass you by.
You flirt, its just that. Women flirt and it doesn't always mean something. I personally would just remain friends. You are in college so I'm sure there are plenty of other girls that you can go after, right?
She's got a boyfriend,so she is off limits.
If you can't handle a friendship,avoid her company till you get over her.
What if I said I respect the fact that you have a boyfriend, but IF it doesn't work out, then I would love to take you out sometime. Then go about doing my own thing
That's up to you,of course,but I would just let it be.
Do you respect the fact that she has a boyfriend? I think not! Or you wouldn't be asking this question. That's very selfish as it seems you only care about your happiness.
Yes I do, that's why I do not try and get with her and I'm not telling her to breakup with her boyfriend, so wheres the harm in that?
There's nothing wrong with wanting what you can't have, all I'm saying is that there's billions of people out there. Why go after one that's taken?
You like her, I get that but it seems like just a crush
The harm is you are planting a seed in her mind and giving her room to play around with your feelings if that is what she wants to do. Leave her alone. She does not need to know how you feel, she really has no right to know and your telling her is crossing boundaries that should not be crossed.
She probably knows how you feel about her anyway. Stop the flirting games and just avoid her. She will soon get the message.
It really shows who a person is or how they will be with you when they are in a relationship.
I believe:
If they will lie for you they will lie to you.
If they will cheat for you they will cheat on you.
If they will break up for you they will break up on you for another.
Those are just my beliefs.
She doesn't respect her relationship or her mate, if this is a part of her character then it doesn't say much about her does it?
My opinion is to just be friends with her or cut all ties and just move on.
I feel for you, since I was in a similar situation a while back: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-319890.html
Here are some nuggets for you:
1) She has a boyfriend, so nor what angle we approach, she's still off-limits.
2) Telling her how you feel is going to have consequences:
a) If she's true to her relationship, she would reject your feelings and you're placed in a awkward situation.
b) If she had feelings for you, that means that she's been emotionally cheating all along. So what next? She cheats on her current boyfriend to be with you? She breaks up with her boyfriend to be with you? If she can break up so easily with him, after 6-8 years, how easy do you think it would be for her to break up with you? Are you ready for that type of insecurity? Are you sure that you can trust her if she starts getting close to another guy?
3) I must admit that I am more sympathetic if you choose to confess your feelings. The problem is the expectations that you've created. You have a false sense of hope that she has feelings for you as well. You should realize that you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
4) As I have been in your situation, you really only have three choices:
a) Ignore her until your feelings have gone away, so that you don't drag this out anymore. Once your feelings have gone away, you can potentially have a simple friendship. But as long as you still have feelings, you will have false hope, which is unhealthy for you. Please see the no contact rules in my signature.
b) Take a risk and see where it leads. But refer to point 2) concerning the consequences of your actions.
c) Don't do anything and continue to drag it out. You asked how long you should wait, well that depends on your heart. When you're ready to give up, then refer to 4) a) i.e. the no contact rules to help you recover from your feelings for her.
Thanks I wish for the advice. The general consensus from most of the posts is to leave her alone but I don't think people understand where I'm coming from. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that doesn't go away and I have trouble concentrating; I can't get her out of my head. I've known her through a friend for about 3 years but we never really talked much because I was so shy until this year. All's I can say is I've never felt this way about a girl before, and things just feel so right when I'm around her. I know that a girl with a boyfriend is off limits but how can I just let go of something that I feel so strongly about. I let a previous girl get away because I didn't open up, and it feels like I will regret it for the rest of my life if I don't do something. And its bizarre how she gets along with her boyfriend, they seem more like friends than lovers, and she never talks about him in my company. So maybe she's waiting for someone to break her out of her current rut, I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say is what should I do to give myself the best possible chance of being with her, without crossing any boundaries? Is all right to ask her to go for a run, just the 2 of us? Or go for a coffee? Aaah! I just need a plan of action...
Say you get this girl away from her boy friend, how would you like it if a guy came along and decided he wanted your girl and took her away from you? It would not feel too good would it?
Now is a good time to practice discipline. You may see something in some one's house that you really want, you've always wanted one; you don't take, you walk away from it and wait until you can get one on your own.
If this girl really wanted you, she would leave her boyfriend and be with you. That is not happening.
You are sounding like a spoiled child. This girl is off limits to you. You don't ask her to go for a run, a coke, nothing!
You are running off feelings and not facts. The main fact is she has a very long term relationship, and you need to back off that all together.
Your fuzzy gut feeling is not a reason to pursue an unavailable person, but it's a warning you have too much feelings and your being led down a really bad road that will keep that feeling alive, so absolutely not, do you invite her on friendly dates or even keep flirting with her because YOU can't handle it without feeling there is a connection. She probably flirts with a lot of guys, but you may never know.
Leave her alone friend, or pay the costs of some really poor decisions, that your heart wants you to make.
Haven't you had attention from females before? They are good with giving us butterflies, and goose pimples... thats what they do. Doesn't mean they want you for romance, and lovin', they just are having a good time, and you're getting carried away.
I agree with everyone else...
I once had a girl cheat on her boyfriend for me, she also left him for me and I thought I had found the love of my life... I felt really special and she told me she never loved anyone like she did me.
And then I got cheated on by and left by her... lesson learned... in two ways:
1) If she does it to someone else, she'll do it to you
2) It is the worst feeling in the world to be left for someone else... so I would not want to put some other guy through that.
Try this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ip-463250.html
You inspired me to write it up.
All I can say mate is that if you are trying to steal another mans women of him I hope you are a hell of a lot stronger than he is otherwise you will get what's coming to you, its just not worth it man and if things get out of hand something bad could easily happen, people do stuff without thinking if they find out that they have been cheated on or have had their partner stolen from them, can you not see the red flags?
You I wish, those are some good points. I think I'm just going to wait it out for the time being until I feel like giving up. But you kiwi21 I am significantly stronger and would easily beat him to a pulp but I would never resort to that...
I'am not saying you would and I'am glad you wouldn't. But who know's what he would do. I wasn't trying to sound like a , its just the first thing that came to my mind, must be the new zealander in me. Whatever you decide to do I hope it all works out fine for you and good luck for the future.
Leave the girl alone to enjoy her Relationship and stop trying to make another person miserable , I'm sure you wouldn't like it if someone tried to steal your Gf , which is exactly what your doing. You can't control your feelings but you can control what you do about them.
If she becomes available down the track so be it , but don't be putting your life on hold for it.
Girls flirt , get over it , and if you can't handle just being a friend and want something else start hanging out with available girls.
Ya Friend4u178, when I say I'm going to wait it out until I feel like giving up, implies that I am leaving her alone until I am ready to rid her from my life entirely. And its easy to sit there and spew theories but when its you in the situation it's a lot easier said than done.
I believe in Karma, what goes around comes around. It's a vicious circle. Some one stole my girl so I did the same. She ended up leaving me for someone else. Do what you have to do but be prepared to accept the consequence that she can do the same to you. Or her boyfriend may do something to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by johnay
I am not saying it won't workout because the dude that took my girl he ended up marrying her and have kids. Taking someone's girl is a lot of risk (get beat up by the boyfriend, killed, extreme case) and time consuming especially when they have 8 years together, it's a strong bond to break. Anyway if you have that kind of time and got no other option then I wish you luck.
Of course it is , but the course of action you choose to take on this defines the sort of morals you possess , and the kind of MAN you are , and the way people will view you in the future.Quote:
Originally Posted by johnay
Hey Dude , there are many available women around , and for all you know this one may just like you as a friend and nothing else.
It's easy for us to tell you to leave her alone and that she's off limits.
But no one can expect you to wash away your feelings over night. It's going to take some time to get over her. Seems pretty clear that these feelings are fairly deep, so you're going to need to be patient with yourself.
However, when you're ready to move on, I strongly suggest that you follow the no contact rules (see the links in my signature). It really helps to block them out of our lives, pretending as if they don't exist. The reason is, every time we do talk to them, we generate more false hope and we tend to dissect every word and twist it into thinknig that they might have feelings for us. That would be unhealthy for any one.
In an ideal situation, she breaks up with her boyfriend and gives herself enough time to fully recover--we're talking like a year or more of single-life--and then she will be safe to date again. I learned my lesson enough times to leave freshly single and involved girls alone.
If she left him for you, she'd be jumping from one relationship to another. You'd end up being a rebound, and we all know the success rate of those relationships. It's your call, but know that there's a high probability you'll get hurt in the end.
These are not theories, since many of us have experienced what you're going through, and healed. We all know how VERY HARD IT IS TO GET OVER A FAILED RELATIONSHIP.Quote:
Originally Posted by johnay
Ya Friend4u178, And its easy to sit there and spew theories but when its you in the situation it's a lot easier said than done.
You I have accepted that life sucks...
Life is hard young man and you will be faced with other obstacles in your life.
One thing you can do to make things easier is to not walk into certain situations to begin with. It will save you a lot of heartache. Make a rule for yourself -"girls who have boyfriends are off-limits"
This is not a fairy tale, nor is pursuing what does not belong to you and trying to justify it, a good habit to start.
This is not theory it is a commonsense principle.
But I didn't knowingly walk into the situation, she never once told me that she has a boyfriend, when I told a friend about how I felt, he told me.
If that was the case, she was not very honest with you at the start, wonder why? How did she justify that Big omission to you? Don't you feel she was trying to hook you first? If you haven't gotten answers to these questions from her, then you should have and been cautious with even proceeding down this path. It's a really big red flag when you are deceived from the start.
Now you know she has one, so leave her alone.
When you get in the water and find out it's deeper than you thought, you don't stay in there hoping some of it will just disappear. You get out of it.
She broke up with her boyfriend, is she fair game?
You need to give her time to heal. She was in a long term relationship. You don't want to be a rebound and it would be selfish of you to just jump right in there.
How much time?
At least 6 months.
How old are you two?
22, so don't speak to her for 6 months?
She has been with the same guy since her early teens. It is going to take a while for her to get past that.
I'm not saying don't speak to her, but don't be trying to hook up with her. She does not need another boyfriend right away. She may think she wants one, but you read enough of these topics, you will see they don't work out.
You sound like you don't care how she feels, or what she needs, just what you want. Even if she goes for that type of thing, you will only be a friend, or a rebound anyway, and still will not get what you want.
What if all she wants is to be single for a while, and then just wants to date around? Where does that leave you now? I highly suggest you do your thing, and be happy. She will.
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