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N0help4u · Dec 20, 2007, 09:06 AM

Until she gives you reason to break your trust don't fight her on it otherwise it could push her away or it could make her feel she can't be open and honest and cause her to sneak. If she meets him for lunch sometime and establishes an on going relationship then concern yourself. Right now as it stands they could meet for lunch and then realize why they broke up and go their separate ways. Then you worried for basically nothing.

talaniman · Dec 20, 2007, 09:28 AM

Not only do you worry too much, you make everything such a big deal. The ex didn't show so case closed. She told you about it so, drop it.
I have also read your other post and why you don't want those familiar with your situation to post is beyond me. I'm hurt. Or are you so tired of hearing us try to get you to see, your standing in your own way?

ilovcali · Dec 20, 2007, 10:39 AM

You should break-up with her dude. It seems like that's what you really want. My most recent ex and I broke up but we stayed in touch. I never closed the door because we had a good relationship, but she moved back to her college town after summer and no LDR. But I asked her to visit or that I would visit but she always ignored those things.

She was always concerned on how it would be or that it would never be the same. I always told her, how do you know if you don't actually know? Why destroy something good by being afraid of bad things that haven't happened or may not happen. All this fell on deaf ears, so I finally stopped contacting her.

She recently contacted me. She sent me some weird email asking about my love life and so on. I simply told her how she had made me feel about ignoring visiting or always thinking negative. Basically, I did not close the door on her, but I told her she knows where I live and she has my number. She knows how to find me if she wants.

Essentially, her crazy thoughts, her desire to push me away, worked. She lost me. I stopped trying. She fulfilled her on prophecy. Perhaps that's what she wanted.

You keep being crazy, you'll eventually piss this girl off and all your unsubstantiated fears will come true.

--Cali

LivingtheLifeinFLA · Dec 22, 2007, 05:59 PM

If she was really in love with you, she would have told the ex that she didn't feel comfortable about getting together for lunch.

She should realize that the past is the past, let it go. I know many people will disagree but I frankly think that it is disrespectful.

Also, she brought it up after the fact, "she then nonchalantly brought up that she was supposed to go eat lunch with her ex BF earlier today but he blew her off". If she respected you, she would have said, "hey honey, Joe blow called last week and he wanted to get together for lunch, do you have a problem with this?" This is only common respect and communication within the relationship.

I am not a jealous person, but she's hiding something. My take is that she was pissed he didn't show up and vented to you.

My experience with girls like this were a nightmare.

Spontaneouslemon · Dec 22, 2007, 08:11 PM

I haven't read your other threads so I don't know what your relationship is like, and it all depends on where you are in your relationship.
Either way, if you're in a good relationship, you should be able to communicate with each other.
It's normal to be jealous, anyone would be. If you are obviously upset about it, and she asks, just tell her that you're only a bit jealous, cause she's your girlfriend. But that's it. Tell her you trust her completely, it's just a bit of natural jealousy.
Then let it go.
If something happens, then it would have happened later on during the relationship anyway. In this case, it would be a good riddance, and a great opportunity to find someone better!
But if she has been completely honest with you up to this point, then you have no reason to worry! Worrying about it VS not worrying about it, is not going to change the situation.
So might as well not worry!

aiyerrc · Dec 22, 2007, 08:29 PM

Originally Posted by LivingtheLifeinFLA

If she was really in love with you, she would have told the ex that she didn't feel comfortable about getting together for lunch.

She should realize that the past is the past, let it go. I know many people will disagree but I frankly think that it is disrespectful.

Also, she brought it up after the fact, "she then nonchalantly brought up that she was supposed to go eat lunch with her ex BF earlier today but he blew her off". If she respected you, she would have said, "hey honey, Joe blow called last week and he wanted to get together for lunch, do you have a problem with this?" This is only common respect and communication within the relationship.

I am not a jealous person, but shes hiding something. My take is that she was pissed he didn't show up and vented to you.

My experience with girls like this were a nightmare.

Love is no where in the picture right now, just trying to figure each other out. I'm sure she really likes me, and my problem about anything I do is that I over worry about everything. I know it sucks, but some people are just wired that way and it takes life experiences to worry less. Obviously, I'm still young, so I over analyze everything, and I make something out of nothing. I'm just rdy for break to be over! I never thought I would want to start school this bad lol

talaniman · Dec 22, 2007, 10:08 PM

I can understand how you feel. It think it important to always have a perspective of healthy thinking behind your decisions, and a balanced life, that you enjoy along with a great relationship. We can't get all wrapped up in a partner and have to ask a lot of questions, and always have them around us out of insecurity and fear. Who wants a relationship where you have to be worried about their every move or action? Those are not your partners problems, and its so hard to not destroy a relationship, when we are in need of dealing with our own personal problems.

LivingtheLifeinFLA · Dec 23, 2007, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by aiyerrc

love is no where in the picture right now, just trying to figure each other out. im sure she really likes me, and my problem about anything i do is that i over worry about everything. i know it sucks, but some people are just wired that way and it takes life experiences to worry less. obviously, im still young, so i over analyze everything, and i make something out of nothing. im just rdy for break to be over!! i never thought i woudl want to start school this bad lol

Well, that changes everything. If you are just friends looking to move forward with her, then the proper response when she is testing your interest level and brings lunch with the ex up would be "That's cool, maybe you can get together next week for lunch with him", and then move on to another subject as if it's not a big deal.

s_cianci · Dec 23, 2007, 04:53 PM

Since you say you "aren't at that point in your relationship" then, as you've said, you really can't object to her having lunch with him. But it does put up a huge red flag as to how much further you want to go in this "relationship." Maybe you should cool off for a while and take a break from her. If she confronts you about it, you can then discuss your feelings and concerns with her, since she'll have been the one to open the door.

aiyerrc · Dec 23, 2007, 08:38 PM

Hey guys

For any of you who know my other threads, its been since Thursday that me and my girlfriend talked on the phone, I sent her a few text's here and there, but nothing major. She hasn't made an attempt to call me yet...

Keep up no contact?(dont initiate contact) this just feels too weird...

George_1950 · Dec 23, 2007, 08:40 PM

Huh?? Now I'm confused.

talaniman · Dec 23, 2007, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by aiyerrc

hey guys

for any of you who know my other threads, its been since thursday that me and my gf talked on the phone, i sent her a few text's here and there, but nothing major. she hasnt made an attempt to call me yet...

keep up no contact?(dont initiate contact) this just feels too weird...

Seems she is doing no contact and your not. Hey if your not doing this for yourself to heal, what's the point?? Get busy finding something else to do that's fun. This is a holiday weekend.

aiyerrc · Dec 23, 2007, 08:44 PM

Its not really to heal... we are still bf/gf, but its xmas break and we are 6 hours away. I feel weird not calling her.. should I stop texts now altogether too? Because, tala, I remember you saying its okay to send her a text here or there asking what she's doing.. etc

talaniman · Dec 23, 2007, 08:48 PM

I never said to blow up her cell, You sent the text, now wait for an answer, by doing something for yourself in the meantime. Don't be pushy.

aiyerrc · Dec 23, 2007, 08:49 PM

No no, she answered me completely normal both times I texted her... I texted her once yesterday and once today... is that so bad? What do I do for xmas? Not call her or anything?

Fr_Chuck · Dec 23, 2007, 08:53 PM

You can call her and beg her to take you back if you want, if you believe it is not over and still want to chase her , go for it, there is no right or wrong in trying to get them back.

If you know its over or if you are tired and want to start over, then you want to stop all contact, you will not be ready to start over till you do

George_1950 · Dec 23, 2007, 08:56 PM

If you are confused and have an ache in your stomach, it is because you are getting dumped. Look elsewhere.

LivingtheLifeinFLA · Dec 23, 2007, 09:01 PM

Why don't you just play it cool. Call her on Christmas and wish her a merry christmas. Keep it light and simple. Suggest something for when you get back to school so you have something else setup to talk about. Like "hey Merry xmas, I was checking out this movie and it had pretty good reviews, I was thinking when we get back to school we can go and check it out."

talaniman · Dec 23, 2007, 09:03 PM

I am so confused, if she answers your text, does she have to call on the phone too?? Explain to me what's going on here, and what your trying to accomplish. I would think a text aday is enough.

J_9 · Dec 23, 2007, 09:07 PM

Sorry, I don't mean to butt in here, but it seems as though you are really lonely without her, and that's okay. But it IS the holidays, and she MAY want to spend time with her family.

Is there a reason that you need day-to-day contact with her? Are you so uncomfortable in your relationship that you must talk to her daily? (Yes, I read the thread about her and her ex and lunch)

You see, women like me see men like that as needy. We don't want men who are needy. We want men who can stand on their own two feet and do what they need to do without approval from us.

A strong woman does not want, nor need, a weak man. Keep your distance, it's Christmas. She will appreciate you more when she gets back. There will be more to talk about. Give her space and don't smother her.